Name: Spreading the Feast Gathering
Start: 2025-07-11T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-07-12T23:59:59-05:00
Location: LaGrange, KY

This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 11 months ago by MamaSnow.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

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June 24, 2011 at 3:04 pm
MamaSnow
Participant
I am wondering about how you may use rewards in habit training. I sort of feel like we do pretty well at consistently giving consequences for negative behaviors, but I struggle with remembering to reward the good behaviors when we see those. I have hesitated to start using tangible rewards for character training issues – mostly for fear that they would start doing the right thing for the wrong reasons (and then cease wanting to do those right things when the reward system disappeared). But now I’m wondering if having some sort of tangible reward system would be helpful – if for no other reason that it might hold ME more accountable to recognize good behaviors and be more intentional about encouraging them in doing what is RIGHT, rather than always focusing on correcting what is WRONG.
Any thoughts? How have you handled this in your home?
Thanks,
Jen
June 24, 2011 at 4:01 pm
blue j
Participant
What I am trying to do is fill the love tank of each of my children in general – using their love language. With habit training, that translates into a quick squeeze (hug), a gentle touch, or kiss for the child who needs that physical connection; words of praise occasionally for the ‘atta girl child, an occasional small treat (like a piece of gum or small candy) for the child who response best to gifts, etc. I find that the *occasional* part is key. That way they get the reinforcement without the wrong motivation for their habits. I haven’t said anything to them, nor have the girls said anything to me about it, so I don’t know if they have figured out what I do or not.
I don’t think it’s wrong to encourage them, and tend to do so more regularly at the beginning of a new habit and then allow longer gaps – though the encouraging smile is still there (I am training myself to do this consistently regardless of how “busy” I might be). Encouragement at the beginning of a new habit is very helpful, and the occasional reinforcement after it becomes a habit just helps keep things on track, IMHO.
Hoping you find your “sweet spot” in regard to rewards/ habit training.
~jacqleene
June 25, 2011 at 12:19 am
MamaSnow
Participant
Thanks for your thoughts, jacqleene. I’m bumping this to see if anyone else has anything to add to the conversation.
Jen
June 25, 2011 at 3:29 am
poodlemama
Participant
Hi MamaSnow,
Use of positive reinforcement is a pet subject of mine. : ) With regard to the issue of doing the right thing for the wrong reason. The ONLY reason any behavior ever occures is because it is being reinforced in some way so go ahead and use it to your advantage. Also by using reinforcement you are also influsing the positive feeling into the actual behavior so that they end up doing the right thing for the right reason anyway and you wont always have to use the reinforcement. blue j talked about using positive reinforcement a lot at the beginning and then less as the behavior is established and that is EXACTLY the right way to use reinforcement. Get the habit started and then put it on what’s called a variable reinforcement schedual which actually makes the behavior stronger and less likely to extinguish. Incidently with puishment the oposite is true any time you let something go you weeken the power of the punishment.

Two great books on using positive reinforcement are:
Don’t Shoot the Dog by Karen Pryor
and
The Power of Reinforcement by Stephen Ray Flora
“human behavior, while very complex is ultimatly controlled by reinforcements”–Stephan Ray Flora

“only contingencies based on coercion, punishment and negative reinforcement decrease preceived autonomy. Positive Reinforcement increases percieved automomy” Stephan Ray Flora (In other words if you used positive reinforcement they think they are doing it because they want to not because you want them to or because you are making them do it. And in the end isn’t that the right reason– you want them to do what is right because they WANT to do what is right)

June 25, 2011 at 3:36 am
amama5
Participant
I have posted before about our pocket charts that we use, and they are especially for me since I can be very negative. They really help me seek out ways to encourage my children and unfortunately I forget to do that daily without the pockets. Here is the post where I wrote about them, and if you scroll down there is a second post explaining why I feel the rewards system is fine to use.
http://simplycharlottemason.com/scmforum/topic/help-with-dd5
Adrienne
June 25, 2011 at 2:38 pm
MamaSnow
Participant
Thanks all. Really appreciating your input. Would still love to hear from anyone else who would like to chime in.
Thanks Adrienne for your pocket chart idea…I’m glad to hear that you’ve found it helpful for yourself too to remember to encourage them in what is right…I struggle with that too. This year especially has been really crazy with lots of transitions for our family which is why I’m starting to think that something more tangible like this may be helpful for us, at least in this season of our family life. Ours are all qute young too – oldest is 5.5.
Jen