How do you use rewards in habit training?

What I am trying to do is fill the love tank of each of my children in general – using their love language.  With habit training, that translates into a quick squeeze (hug), a gentle touch, or kiss for the child who needs that physical connection; words of praise occasionally for the ‘atta girl child, an occasional small treat (like a piece of gum or small candy) for the child who response best to gifts, etc.  I find that the *occasional* part is key.  That way they get the reinforcement without the wrong motivation for their habits.  I haven’t said anything to them, nor have the girls said anything to me about it, so I don’t know if they have figured out what I do or not. 

I don’t think it’s wrong to encourage them, and tend to do so more regularly at the beginning of a new habit and then allow longer gaps – though the encouraging smile is still there (I am training myself to do this consistently regardless of how “busy” I might be). Encouragement at the beginning of a new habit is very helpful, and the occasional reinforcement after it becomes a habit just helps keep things on track, IMHO.

Hoping you find your “sweet spot” in regard to rewards/ habit training.

~jacqleene

Hi MamaSnow,

Use of positive reinforcement is a pet subject of mine.  :  )  With regard to the issue of doing the right thing for the wrong reason.  The ONLY reason any behavior ever occures is because it is being reinforced in some way so go ahead and use it to your advantage.  Also by using reinforcement you are also influsing the positive feeling into the actual behavior so that they end up doing the right thing for the right reason anyway and you wont always have to use the reinforcement.  blue j talked about using positive reinforcement a lot at the beginning and then less as the behavior is established and that is EXACTLY the right way to use reinforcement.  Get the habit started and then put it on what’s called a variable reinforcement schedual which actually makes the behavior stronger and less likely to extinguish.  Incidently with puishment the oposite is true any time you let something go you weeken the power of the punishment.

Two great books on using positive reinforcement are:

Don’t Shoot the Dog by Karen Pryor

and

The Power of Reinforcement by Stephen Ray Flora

“human behavior, while very complex is ultimatly controlled by reinforcements”–Stephan Ray Flora

“only contingencies based on coercion, punishment and negative reinforcement decrease preceived autonomy.  Positive Reinforcement increases percieved automomy”  Stephan Ray Flora  (In other words if you used positive reinforcement they think they are doing it because they want to not because you want them to or because you are making them do it.  And in the end isn’t that the right reason– you want them to do what is right because they WANT to do what is right)