How do I stop nagging my children to do things?

For chores, I don’t have the kids to do them throughout the day. (I myself am not very motivated to do chores without NEEDING to do them) I have a list posted and at some point during the day I say, “Chore time.” and we all do them at the same time–from the list. So no one has to remember it on their own, but we are all more willing to do them when everyone else is also. I guess it is motivating to do them at the same time even if we aren’t necessarily working together. It’s more fun too.

I think that’s sort of between having them just do it on their own and staying on top of them all the time. It feels better to me to not have to be worrying all day about when things are going to get done. We do it when we do it and we’re done.

Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but are your children required to do 20 chores per day? 20 cards per day, including school cards, or separate?

How old are your kids? That might give us a better idea of what you’re dealing with.

For us, I have a routine we go through for chores.  They have their morning stuff (make beds, get dressed, bathroom, then breakfast).  After breakfast they immediately clear their spot, do their kitchen job (all 4 have one that rotates every day), and then do their 2 morning chores.  It’s posted on the fridge, and we help read the youngers’ lists to them.  This way we’re all doing it at the same time.  After lunch, same thing happens.  Lunch, clear spot, kitchen job, and 2 chores.  Before supper, we do clean-up around the yard and house, then their 2 chores (1 of them has help with supper in place of 2 chores).  So they each have 6 chores a day, and we get so much done like that.  I have my own chores that I try to have done before or while they’re eating breakfast so I am available to help with their chores, check them, and keep on top of the littler ones.  On the list on the fridge, btw, the chores are specifically listed next to B, L, and BD so they know that these are the chores I want/need done when.  If I left them to their own devices, then they’d be checking the mail at 8am, taking the trash bins down in the morning the day before trash day, etc.  Or worse, they wouldn’t do them at all!  This way, things that need to get done first (sweeping the bathroom) get done before other things (washing the bathroom floor).

As for schoolwork, I also have a built-in routine for that.  They do their individual work right after they get done with their 2 morning chores, and I call my 7yo to work with me while the other 2 continue their own stuff.  Then it’s family work time.  Then I work with the older ones together if needed, or the middle 2 (this depends on the day of the week).  Then it’s break/snack time.  Then I work with another set if needed, then I work with my 9yo while my 7yo and 10yo work on anything they have left to do.  She brings me whatever is done at that point (usually this is everything on her list).  I check over her work, do narrations, then we do her stuff she needs to do with me (math and the like).  Then I call the 10yo for the same thing – check work done so far (again, usually she is done by now), and then work on stuff together until lunch break, then finish in the afternoon after quiet time.  I never just let them bring me stuff on their own except for my 7yo after I’m done working with her, but I do remind her when it’s time for her to finish her individual work.  She doesn’t have much – piano practice, copywork, commonplace, and draw a picture in her journal once a week.  It’s not hard for her.  So she just sets stuff on my office chair in the schoolroom when she’s all done.  So far this is working great.  Her desk and my desk are both less than 10 feet away from where I’m working with kids throughout the day, so I can keep an eye on her.

It really depends on the ages of your children, but honestly, I think that’s a lot of self-starting. Younger children are going to need more handholding, IMO, and older children (and teens) are still going to need guidance and accountability. For chores, I would work on creating a routine. Make beds and get dressed, have breakfast, clear spot, brush teeth, etc. You want the chores to become habit. To me, cleaning up after yourself is courtesy. It’s something I want to be automatic, not something checked off on a list, if that makes sense.

For school, I would require them to show proof of their work at the end of each day and I’d go over it daily. That’s just me though. I also don’t allow the kids to check their own work or to check each others work. I like to know what areas they are struggling with so we can work on them. I also like to put notes of encouragement on pages. This is a small thing, but the kids love it and it’s encouraged them to remember to look back and make corrections. They are younger yet and motivated by stickers, so that’s just us. But I think kids of any age like to hear how well they’re doing.

To quote (or at least paraphrase) Masters of their Chores….

“Don’t expect what you don’t inspect”

Also – so far the habit you have created is for them to avoid their work. 

Now realize – this is coming from someone that struggles mightily with this too…..

It sounds like you need a new system. Now I’m not saying mine or anybody’s is perfect as mine always needs tweaking but like one of the others above I have my kids do morning chores (feed pets, make beds, get dressed etc) and I have a chart on the fridge they have to cross their chore off as it is completed. No breakfast until these are done. The part I slack on is the checking to make sure they’re done. But if I find it later they have to do it during their recess. Then after lunch we do another set of chores, putting dishes away and sweeping and clearing table and I am right there doing some of my own chores to makekeep them on track.

I don’t think the checking and telling ever really ends at least it hasn’t for me and my kids are 11, 9, 8, & 6.

I’m not saying you should do it my way but maybe look into a different way.

Good luck and (((hugs))).

Do they have the opportunity to do dishes or vaccuume? My kids adore these chores (for now, anyways! HAHA) and they feel very important and responsible when allowed to do them. I tend to offer these chores on a conditional basis — “if you can get your room cleaned up quickly, it would be a big help to me if you washed the dishes.” Perhaps my kids are strange. This really works for them and they will do twice as much without complaining…oh, and I get out of doing dishes!! HAHA

I also wonder – is it winter there? I have noticed a common feeling lately with the winter “dreads” setting in. We have definitely had more arguing and picking between siblings lately. Everyone is a little off with the set in of the cold weather.