I have followed the other thread about the mom who made her child eat vomit (or spit out food)…and I am wondering how concerned you are about DFCS. I used to be almost crippled thinking about DFCS knocking on my door, not that my children are abused or neglected or anything at all for that matter…but I’ve just heard stories and I wonder if our neighbors will think we’re weird and report us, or if our dog escapes one too many times and tramples the flowers of the grumpy lady down the street and she gets mad and reports us, etc… You get the idea…
I had put these fears out of my mind until this thread popped up and I read how a couple of moms on this board had DFCS called unjustifiably on them! Yikes!
I’m just wondering if you have DFCS concerns… I mean I’ve even been wondering if I need to keep the kids indoors during “school hours” to avoid the apprearance of truancy.
Hi Heather, I almost posted the exact same thing this morning..but you beat me to it!! Great! I have been wondering too. And even though I am not supposed to worry…I do pratically everyday! I have not renewed my membership to HSLDA yet this yr!
My boys go outside every morning for exercise..before school..during break..and after school. I live really close to my neighbors. We have some new neighbors in a rental house. This is the third family in 3 yrs.
Would like to know what happened w/ Misty’s family and can’t remember the other lady (sorry) Only if you feel good in sharing it! Thanks!
Don’t keep the kids indoors worried about the appearance of truancy if you are properly registered as homeschoolers. I have dealt with truancy officers and they have all been great here.
CFS (DFCS – or CPS or whatever alphabet soup letters are used in your area) can happen anywhere. Years ago when my husband was married to his first wife and his oldest son was in Grade 1, on a Friday, their son got taken by CFS. The evening before his first wife and son had been play wrestling, and his son ended up with a black eye (accidentally – his mom accidently elbowed his eye. 100% accident.) He went to school – teacher asked “what happened to your eye”… “my mom hit me”. poof – CFS took him away. They didn’t know until he didn’t come home from school and the school wouldn’t tell them anything when they called… total panic until they finally found out what happened. It took all weekend to get him back. Unfortunately CFS has occasionally been in our life, and I hate them with a passion. We are always found innocent/worthy parents. That is the only time a child was removed.
That said, CFS does have a reason to exist. As much as we have hated their occasional intrusion in our life, they are just trying to protect the children. I do not change how we live out of fear of them.
I agree Suzukimom, we were members of HSLDA but never had any trouble with the CFS fortunately. They do make mistakes, but they also do an important job – it is a difficult profession. The reason I said on the other thread to get all the facts is why I said that – you cannot turn someone in to anyone unless you have facts, that would be terrible – but it did sound like the lady was making the children eat vomit – if that was the case – I would seriously think about turning them in, as to me that is cruel. However would never do anything without real proof and knowledge…that is the key. Many misunderstandings happen when we don’t have the true facts – I would need to see the child eat vomit for that proof to make me turn them in. Bottom line, we cannot randomly turn someone in without real cause and likewise we should not turn the other cheek if we see cruelty – it is a fine balance and one we should consider carefully. Some children’s lives would be saved if someone had reported them, and likewise some people are hurt when they are reported without cause. Get your facts always and verify them…then you will have nothing to fear. Linda
I used to be afraid of them. Then we had a situation where we needed to take a relative into our care as a foster child, and suddenly we had DHS super involved in our lives. I was pleasantly surprised at how easy they are to work with, and the people we’ve worked with seem to have good heads on their shoulders. Knowing actual caseworkers has done a lot to alleviate my fears of someone coming in and yanking my kids out of my house for something dumb like a neighbor reporting that my kids aren’t in school.
My sis works for them, so no, I am not concerned. She always jokes when she comes over during her lunch break that she is doing an “unannounced visit”.
Honestly, there are some terrible situations in our area. Homeschooling parents are quite literally the least of their worries.
They HAVE knocked on my door. It was a nightmare. Without going into detail, the investigation found that our parenting was sound and there were no grounds for further inquiry. What it confirmed for me (besides the fact that a few of my neighbors were psycho) is that being different can and does have its own sequelae. So hey….I have been told by the gubment that I am a good parent, so the knocking on the door doesn’t phase me!! lolol :)
such a fine line – I agree that there is a purpose and there should be a way to protect children who are in abusive situations – but like many other areas, sometimes the balance of power gets too heavy in the gov’ts level of control. We had some friends who went through a nightmare with DFCS (in GA). They went through a lengthy and painful investigation (they were innocent, and found that way). The bad thing was (and is) that DFCS does not have to tell you why you have been reported, or who reported you. Turns out they had some neighbors who didn’t like them and reported them for supposedly letting their kids play too close to the street. For us, I wouldn’t say we live in fear, but we are very cautious. We explain to our children the problems that can come up when things appear to be different than they really are. We don’t try to put unecessary fear in them, but we do want to protect our family. For instance, we are a generally loud family :) and with my kids, tempers can flare eaisly and they can tend to overdramatize conflicts between each other. I have warned them that the excessive screaming outside can lead to people thinking something is wrong when it really isn’t (the boy who cried wolf example). So to answer the question, no, we don’t stay indoors or avoid going in public – we are abiding by all the rules – but we are cautious and explain to our kids the reason we must be.
Hmmm, like I said we have had multiple neighbors! And 2 families ago, the “parents” let their small boys run around everywhere in the street, to the lake, and next door here! I don’t think they ever knew where the boys were! So if running around TOO close to the street is a cause…this family could have been turned in too! I even had one of the boys come here w/ an empty beer bottle (7 yrs old) pretending he was drunk! I was like, you need to go home. We don’t act like that at our house. I also know that they ate chips and coke for dinner more than once. Along w/ the next family who moved in! Sooo there are lots of families who could be “turned in” if that is the case. We tried to give them food and some other needed things.
Not only next door, but two doors down from us a single girl and her two kids lived there. The 3 and 4 yr old was outside often by themselves wandering around. Even coming here! My boys played w/ them for a little bit. Then I told them they needed to go home and watched as they went back. I wondered if I should have said anything to anybody. But was give some sound advice when I lived in Greenville going to Bob Jones(after I got married). We lived in a run down neighborhood (what we could afford) There was 2 kids, brother and sister, who walked the neighborhood while their mom worked. I asked a professor of Child Psych what I should do about it. Should I call someone. And he said, I learned long ago to be careful about calling the authorities. You need to make sure they are abused. Their mom might just be trying to get by. Going to work and have no place for them to go. And then they will be taken away. He asked, What is best for the children? To be taken away? Or to be w/ their mom?
Now I don’t agree w/ two 7and 9 yr old roaming the neighborhood at all hrs after school. The boy even came to our home one night because he was afraid of his mom’s boyfriend. We put him on the couch. Called his mom at work, and took the boy to her at work. We didn’t see that man staying there anymore.
So I wrote a book..and got on rabbit trails!! LOL! I am just saying that I know or have known families who are not doing too good on the parenting! Yet, we as homeschoolers are threatened! Sigh! It is a messed up world! I do understand protecting children. That is important! But have read harassments from HSLDA about DFCS! Beware of us homeschoolers!!!
Not as worried as I used to be! We’ve already had to deal with them once and it was fairly painless. My youngest had had an accident and due to his age and injury, it was automatically reported by the hospital staff when he went to the ER. But since the nurses, doctors, and police officer we talked to knew it WAS an accident, our story matched up with the injury, etc. it was just a formality. Schooling did come up, but it wasn’t a big deal. The funniest part was when the guy from CPS asked my now 78 yr old if I ever spank him, he asked what that meant. ROFL And yes I have spanked mine on occasion. But I guess not often enough to leave much of an impression. lol They didn’t ask for info outside of what was necessary for the reason of the investigation. had it been under different circumstances, I don’t know if it would’ve been worse or not.
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