Holding yourself accountable?

With my husband being military, sometimes when the children were little and he was deployed, I would find discipline and training going really well – then he would return and catch them in something and not react the way I had hoped.  He too does and did not have time to read a lot or be overly involved in the home or now homeschool, though he does his best.  However, I had to tell him what I had been doing while he was away – and could he please talk to me, prior to telling off one of the children, so I could let him know how I have been handling it.  He was not deliberately trying to undo my hard work, but had not realised what I was doing.  I made a point thereafter of telling him what I was doing and why – and he then would reinforce what I was doing instead of undoing it.  As he was gone a lot in their early years it was a problem, but this is how we solved it.  If your hubby does not have the time to read the material, can you not explain how you are learning to handle things, to make things go smoothly in the household, and ask him to reinforce what you are doing, when he sees them do something wrong.  It is difficult, because the husband wants to be in charge of the children’s discipline, and we want that as well – but there are times and scenarios that it does not work out that way, and we have no choice.  Once he and I had that talk, and he understood I was not trying to take over  or be weak on the discipline, he got on board and we have been humming along every since.  Oh I still have slips and am harsh with them, then I immediately ask for them to forgive me, and I pray for patience – but none of us are perfect and we can only strive to be better than we were yesterday, forgive our transgressions and move on.  I do believe in sharing our day with dad, when he is home, even if it is only a weekly update – I don’t hide the bad things that might happen, I discuss them with him, tell him how I am handling it, and if it is serious, we talk to them together after we have discussed it.  I don’t think it is good to keep him out of the equation when he is home, though I try not to burden him on a nightly basis.  Hope that makes sense.  Blessings, Linda

Hi I know how you feel, i think alot of us have been there at some point, and now that you know you have to start again thats the first step. What I do when I notice the kids behavior getting a little unruly again is just start at that moment doing the “training” again(where i have obviously slacked at some point)  and think about what areas I need to be more aware of to make sure im training and not just letting behavior go. I think as a mom we never really get them “all trained” so we are constantly training them while they are at home with us. I know I’ve read a few really good books and I try to just realize consistency is the key and like another poster said on here to “mean what you say and say what you mean”.

My husband isn’t a Christian and he pretty much leaves the house and kids up to me and i just fill him in on things and try to get his opinion on somethings (to make him feel involved) and he says what im doing is working so just do it that way…(totally trusts my judgement i guess do to the fact that the way the kids are turning out are way better then most kids he sees out and about) I have filled him in on different books I’ve read (through the years) and he doesnt argue with them and says try it and see and if that doesnt work try another till you find something that you see makes a difference.  I would love for him to be more involved but he just can’t be if he has to work 2 Jobs so i can stay home and homeschool, so when he is home I do tell them to “ask dad” and I leave the discipline situations up to him to a point cause he can totally loose it if its something “big”(Like:1 child ran to the door to go play and pushed on the glass part of the door and it broke and her arms went through it, and same child sat on coffee table where i had a candle burning and she caught her hair on fire(at age 7!) Those types of things he gets scared and looses it then regroups and talks with them about the danger of things and how to “think first” before you move! by the way she wasnt hurt Thank God! She didnt even have a scratch from the glass, and I saw her sit on the coffe table near the candle but by the time I opened my mouth it was on fire so i ran and put it out with my hands as i was getting her to the sink for water to make sure it was out, and i didnt even get a mark on my hands! The Lord is awesome!! So i hope ive encouraged you to just start ASAP and let yesterday be yesterday, the Lord will meet you where your at and guide you through! Blessings Billiejo

Misty, as I read your post I thought of Lamentations 3:21-25

But this I call to mind,and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,“therefore I will hope in him.”The Lord is good to those who wait for him,to the soul who seeks him.

Also, have you ever heard the song “Great is Thy Faithfulness”?

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father; There is no shadow of turning with Thee; Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not; As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided; Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest, Sun, moon and stars in their courses above Join with all nature in manifold witness To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love. Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide; Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Blessings and Peace to you, Misty!

Heather

Hi, Misty — I can completely relate to what you’re saying, too.  I have struggled through the years and can look back and see how God is changing me.  Sometimes, it seems like it’s very slow-going, but really, I can look back and see much progress. 

I think the key to falling and getting up right away is accepting God’s love and forgiveness for you right away.  It’s true.  He has said that if we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us.  He is not caught off guard by our sin – all of our sin that He paid for on the cross was in the future.  The verses that come to my heart the most during these times are Philippians 3:13 & 14 – “….but one thing I do:  forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”…. also Proverbs 24:16 “….though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again”  (and we ARE righteous in Christ Jesus, praise God!, so even if you’re not feeling righteous, you can believe against your feelings).  Staying in that mode of “Oh, I messed up again, I’m never going to get it right, blah, blah, blah” is just accepting defeat.  And, of course Satan is the accuser and wants you to stay right there.  So, fight back, sister.  🙂

Just put your trust in God – that He has begun a good work in you & your family & that He will complete it. 

Not that you want to have a defeatest attitude, but I think there should be a balance in our thinking that we are learning, too, this new way of training our children, etc.  They will not learn it all so quickly and neither we will.  We need to accept the grace that God affords us in all of this.

O.K.  I will need to come back and read all of these posts sometime in the near future, I’m sure.  🙂