Name: ICHE Convention
Start: 2024-05-30T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2024-06-01T23:59:59-05:00
Location: Bourbonnais, IL

Tagged: discipline, high school

This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 2 months ago by primrose mother.

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)

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February 18, 2012 at 4:25 am
primrose mother
Member
He’s smart and bright and social and talented and sweet and happy and fun, but I have tried everything over the years, and he just doesn’t get much if anything done. Even when he has his assignments all written out and all his books right there, organized, and even when I am sitting right there with him. He is up and around and all over the place doing all kinds of things except what he is supposed to be doing. At this age, it’s not like I can do the things you can do with a young child. With the “you can go to your activity only if you get everything done”, he still doesn’t get it done, and it doesn’t make a difference in the long run either. Also at this age, there can’t be advice to “not worry about it, he’ll pick things up”. We are in the last years and I am at a total loss.
Please only respond with kind, not condemning, words. I already condemn myself all the time. Thank you for any help you can give me.
February 18, 2012 at 12:51 pm
RobinP
Participant
I remember reading what Charlotte said regarding habit training with children this age. He needs to develop good mental habits. (I highly recommend Sonya’s Laying Down the Rails book and CD…at least the CD.) Charlotte talked about many habits to develop in children. But with older children, she emphasized getting them on your side. You may just need to have a heart to heart with your son and explain to him how he’s harming himself by not taking his studies to task and getting them done. He will possibly be in college some day soon, have a family, hold a job. That’s reality and he needs to see the advantage of disciplining himself to these things now (when affording food for his stomach is not at stake.) If he could get a vision of what God might call him to do, he may be more motivated to prepare now. Maybe start small, give him enjoyable tasks (in the beginning…not everything is enjoyable but must be done) and challenge him to surprise himself. Give him other jobs to do around the house, mowing the lawn, helping in the garden, or whatever fits your circumstances.
My 21yos wasn’t the greatest at putting his nose to the grindstone at this age either. But he really kicked it up a notch his last 2 years and boy was he glad. College is really putting him through his paces. This semester he has 5 HARD math/science/engineering classes with NO time to dilly dally!
It’s not too late. Pray for wisdom. You’ll get lots of supportive advice here.
Blessings…
February 18, 2012 at 2:47 pm
4myboys
Participant
I agree. Once a child has a goal to focus on, something they are passionate about achieving in life and understand what it will take to get them there and why what they are doing now is important to their future goal, they can be much more self-motivating. When you have no defined purpose in mind, it’s difficult to feel very motivated or like anything matters that much. Often teens have a hard time looking beyond the here and now. They tend to be self absorbed and focused primarily on what their social life. Have you been homeschooling from the beginning or are you relatively new to it? A heart to heart might help a lot. Maybe he feels overwhelmed by the number of subjects he’s studying, Maybe he feels that what he’s learning doesn’t interest him. Maybe there is a way that you can give him more choice in what he learns about and when. For example, a teen who has already determined they are going into some type of technical work may be that interested in studying Shakespeare — it has nothing to do with what they want to do so why bother, right? Depending on the course of study you’ve laid out for him, you might consider some adjustments accordingly. Teens also tend to feel that they are old enough to be masters of their own lives. Getting him involved in preparing his own schedule and even choosing his own curriculum for the courses you’ve agreed on, and giving him more options (within your acceptable boundaries) may help. The key is find something he is passionate about and creating a link to what he’s doing now.
February 18, 2012 at 3:00 pm
Bookworm
Participant
Yup, same story here. YOU can’t “get” a young adult to do anything most likely. He has to decide himself. You can do all you can to help him WANT to do something with himself, but you can’t at this age “make” him. He has to choose. He may very well need input himself into his own choices and curriculum. Maybe he needs job experience. Maybe he needs your dh to take him aside and begin to spend extra time with him discussing how he might support a family. Maybe a godly man he respects at church or in the community could help with this. Maybe he needs the experience of finding and working an entry-level job. (Did you know that John Adams rebelled from going and doing his schoolwork, so his dad had him do farm labour for his farm and neighbors for a while–and suddenly learning Latin in school didn’t look so bad. LOL)
One other thing–could he have an attention-deficit problem? Something to also think about.
You need prayer and insight into his heart to find out what he needs and wants. Do your and dh’s parents have any ideas? If working with dad isn’t a possibility, is grandpa? My sons have learned a lot from being around my dad–he’s not an educated person but has a tremendous work ethic and great practical knowledge.
Young men need a vision. That’s another thing we can’t necessarily give them or make them have–they need their own, not ours. We can influence but not “make” it happen.
Definitely get dh more involved or another male if dad isn’t available for some reason. Teen boys need men. They just do. 🙂
February 23, 2012 at 12:13 am
primrose mother
Member
Thank you so much, RobinP, 4myboys, and Bookworm. I really appreciate your input. You all had wonderful thoughts and words to share. Some of these things are hard to think about doing, like giving him other things to do, because my feelings are that he shouldn’t be given other things to do until he is meeting his responsibities and getting his work done! I am also a person who likes a “do this” type answer, and these are more difficult. But I will read these over and take notes and talk with my husband and try to start incorporating these ways. Thank you again.