Help! I'm losing it!

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  • February 12, 2014 at 3:21 am
    retrofam
    Participant

    I was also thinking that maybe he and his dad would enjoy kicking a soccer ball together or playing real tennis? Please don’t take that wrong, not trying to sound bossy or condescending, just a thought:)

    February 12, 2014 at 2:34 pm
    momto2blessings
    Participant

    Prayers to you. It sounds rough. Our discipleship pastor and wife (both wonderful, loving,discipelship-minded people) ended up sending their son to Christian school because he wasn’t respecting his mom (and wanted the sports). I have a 14yo dd (8th) and it’s definitely gotten more challenging around here with the hormones and desires for more decision making. She’s also thinking about going to high school for the friends, mainly. We’re working it through and trying to decide what’s best! I’ve always been homeschool to the core, and currently lean that way…but there have been days the thought of just being mom and not teacher sounded tempting:)

    I have nothing else to add, except commisseration and the fact that I’ve read that 13-15 are just plain rough years for many kids…making that adjustment between youth and young adulthood. I’m terrible at finding past threads, but Bookworm had good advice to someone on giving a strong talk to help them take ownership for their education, sending them to do hard physical labor for a bit to show why they want a good education. I sat both my kids down this year and showed them how much it costs to live on their own and how much minimum wage pays. It showed them very clearly that you can’t live on your own and make a living on minimum wage. It’s up to them to work hard even when they don’t agree that it’s needed. My dd says all the time that she’ll never do Algebra in real life…but every kid has to do it so there’s just no choice in the matter:)

    Oh, is your son competitive? I know it’s not very CM, but my daughter always tries harder, it seems, when she knows it’s graded. Hope you get more peace in the house soon! Blessings, Gina

     

    P.S. And I agree w/the others about video game restrictions. That’s what speaks to my 11yo son. He’s not allowed to play until school is totally done, and if he’s misbehaving that’s what gets taken away/restricted.

     

     

    February 12, 2014 at 3:36 pm
    4myboys
    Participant

    Thanks again for all your commnets.  I know much of the problem involves my own discipline.  It’s very hard not to let him push my buttons when he is sitting there demanding repeatedly why he has to do something or flat out refusing to do it, and smart mouthing when I tell him the consequence for not doing it.  He will go stretches of time where he does very well — he tends to work great from a list and his assignments are posted on the fridge every morning.  I can’t give him more than a list of independant things for the day because seeing a longer list or to-do list for the week is too overwhelming for him.  Don’t get me wrong — he’s not a horrible child — but he does have a serious heart issue and that drive’s me crazy.  He is very competitive, but with a very poor attitude towards competition.  He will do everything he can to manipulate a situation to his favour — make up his own rules, change them when it suits him, and can be just plain spiteful.  There are also times when he can be very sweet, though not necessarily gentle.  His name means “little firey one” and believe me, it suits!

    I have removed his ipod touch and his x-box controllers and he will NOT be getting them back for a good long time. 

    This time of year it is harder for my husband and son to do a lot together, my dh work schedule is just so crazy, but it slows down in the late spring to early fall and he is able to take more time off during those months.   That’s when the hunting, hiking, fishing, camping, canoeing keeps them gone every possible momment.  Maybe the fact that they don’t get much Father son time through the rest of the year is a big part of the problem.  My husband did take him along on one of his short road trips, a couple months back and will be able to take him along more often when he is older — my husband is a technical producer for a cable company and my son enjoys helping when the situation allows.  He has to be 16 to officially volunteer, though, so dh can’t take him that often. I will have to insist that they start doing something together on a regular basis.  It’s not going to be easy — but I think that ds and I also need to do something together on a regular basis that is so totally NOT school related and no little brother around, either (there is definately sibbling rivalry going on).  It probably doesn’t help that my ds is in a massive growth spurt and his body is chanigng at a very alarming rate right now.  He’s even got a slight mustache and he only turned 13 in Nov! 

    I have tried repeatedly to allow him more say in what he is learning and how, but he really doesn’t offer much that is realistic.  He is a reader, but I can’t pick/asign a book for him or he’ll refuse it, he has to believe he is making the choice, so I usually get a whole bunch of books out of the library and he’ll pick and choose the ones that he feels like.  Writing is a challenge for him, but he’s still capable of so much more!   

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