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HELP! Frustrating First Day- Can I really take another year of this?
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Today was our first day of our third year homeschooling. We had company from out of province so come last week so i intentionally held off on our first day until after they left. My boys are in 7th and 4th I’d planned a pretty easy day, some math, copy work, language arts, aquaint them with science, and some reading time from a book of their own choice. My 12 year old got to the second chapter of Life of Fred Ice Cream, started one of the questions (sigma notation problem, which was actually more of a puzzle) and lost it. He was throwing things, tearing books and screaming that he doesn’t want to do anything hard, he doesn’t want to challenge himself, and he can’t see the point of it. We’d looked at the first couple chapters of the book back in June and worked out together how to do it, so I hadn’t expected the fit, some grumbling perhaps, but not the fit — I figured it was just a refresher seeing as he will see it again later in the book, and that it would be good for him to write it out seeing as I want him to do this book independently. I was trying to help him think his way through it.
All day (and as has been his habit in the past) he had not be properly looking at instructions — he was doing multiplication when he was suppossed to be adding, etc. He doesn’t care and he doesn’t want to work AT ALL. I can’t force him to care. I can’t force him to work. I can’t force him to try Other than his iPod touch, video game, and time with friends (which he doesn’t get much of) he doesn’t care about anything.
I am wondering if I am doing more damage than good by continuing to keep him home. Although with his LD and lack of effort over the last two years he is seriously behind his peers, I am wondering if I wouldn’t be better off sending him back to PS. He throws a fit everytime I try to assign reading that he’s not completely interested in, and he’s not interested in anything I assign, recommend or suggest.
He has just started Army Cadets, and although it’s far too early to tell if he’ll stick it out (I have my doubts, but the dicipline would be great and I am hoping that they do enough of the things that he likes — Marksmanship, etc. — on a regular basis that he will keep going. The problem is that Marksmanship practice is usually Sunday’s at 12 noon, and we don’t get out of church until 12::15-12:30 and it’s a 25 min drive from one place to the other. I refuse to let him miss church every week — and it would often meaning missing church ourselves. I am the Pastoral Admin Assistant as well as the coach for the grades K-5 classes, so I would have a hard time explaining why I was never there.
I am so tired of fighting with him to get his work done. I don’t know what the best thing to do from here is, but I do know that what has been happening up til now isn’t working, and though I’m sure I have to take much of the blame, I really don’t know how to fix it. Considering PS feels like I’m giving up on him, but maybe it would salvage our relationship, though I feel his education is in serious jeopardy either way. I don’t know. I am sooo disappointed.
I’m sorry you are having a rough time….
Last week was our first week – and I gave up on Friday when my good working son started whining over doing basic stuff. (As my 7yo often puts up a fight about doing school…. and I’m personally having a hard time… I lost it.) I haven’t even tried doing school today… I don’t have the energy. Of course, this probably means that my kids have just been rewarded for bad behaviour… sigh.
I don’t have an answer for you but I do know the first week can be a hard start to get back into things. My children and I didn’t get off to a great first week but then they didn’t have a proper routine the last month or so before. I will pray that the Lord gives you the answers you need regarding your situation. I think of all the homework PS kids have to deal with after they come home. If only the children who struggle would see how much easier they have with a CM education. They work hard in the morning and then comes masterly inactivity of what they learned while doing other things they like to pursue in the afternoon. I read in “When Children Love to Learn” that CM found the Scouts handbook and she ordered copies for her schools. So once a week they would go out and learn those things. It got me thinking that sometimes we have so many living books but sometimes just don’t get outside with our children and enjoy trying something new, like trying to build a fire with no matches in a fire pit, tracking, hiking, or compassing. Things that really just interact with our children. PNEU schools even had the girls learning. I found a pdf copy online and am going to implement some of these fun things that just change up the week. It is just thoughts I am pondering right now. I understand that you are competing with an iPOD device and that makes it all the harder to get them outside trying new things but I will keep you in my prayers.
God is with you through all this.
Kim.
(((((ladies))))))
I can so relate to what you have posted. I lived through this with my oldest son. It was terrible and demoralizing and discouraging. Over the years, I did find a few things that helped. I couldn’t make my son into something he wasn’t, but God can, by changing my son’s heart and attitude. So first, I encourage you to pray for your kids, and for yourself for wisdom and perseverence for the task and joy in the journey.
You probably know these things, but some things I found that helped:
Short, short lessons. Yes, I know its how we start with our kindergarteners, but if all he can do is 3 minutes, then three minutes is it! If three minutes is too much, then one minute. Sometimes, it helped my son to even have a talk with him ahead of time and explain my expectations. ie “We are going to work on math for three minutes with total attention and calmness. After three minutes we will be done.” And then BE DONE. Even though I would be tempted to grind on how little it was, or how we had to do better tomorrow, etc I would NOT. Thanking him for cooperation and attention with a genuine smile went much farther tword our goal than any negative comment I could make. 30 minutes total “book work”, a science oriented documentary and a good listen to an audio book would be a good initial goal (not how you start, but goal). Slowly, over time work up to larger and larger goals.
In addition to making it short, make it pleasant as much as possible. Especially for kids with LDs, it can be very hard work, and if they haven’t ever learned to work hard, or been able to find success after working hard, there is no resource for that inner motivation to forge ahead. A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. If the actual task canot be make pleasant, then have something very pleasant immediately afterward. If not having enough success to provide motivation to persevere is part of the problem, break it down into small enough chunks they they will get some success.
Make use of documentaries, audio books, museums, hands on projects, etc to expose them to information they need. Baking and carpentry lend themselves especially well to math facts.
On the other hand, if video games, ipods and TV are a problem, then remove the problem. We had no cable or antenna TV for 8 years because my son wasnt able to regulate his use. Video games were locked up and not used at all when his attitude was a problem. Taking it away for a week or a month did no good. Minimal long term use did help. For the above mentioned documenteries, etc, we used DVDs.
For the not reading instructions before starting work problem- make this a part of habit instruction. Develop a process for starting all school work (or projects?). Coach him through it for a while, and then gradually turn it over to him. The key is catching it at the moment he misses it so the correction is effective, and all you have to say is “uh oh!” or whatever is your practiced cue word. You dont want to “remind him” every time, but cue him to remind himself so the habit will begin to form in his thought processes.
(((hugs))))
I am sorry to hear how hard it was today! It’s so hard to know exactly what the right answer is, but I wanted to share something that I recently read. An article about a family – 4 kids, all between junior high and high school. Two kids are homeschooling and two are in PS. No LD that I recall, just made the decision on schooling based on the kids’ choices. Now the parents are in shock over the fact that the STRUGGLES over their public school kids’ homework is taking the same amount of time (and fighting) OR MORE than homeschooling their other two kids. They are helping their ps kids every night with homework, assignments, exam prep, etc…upwards of two or three hours every night…and in many cases the “help” they are giving their PS kids is on subjects they don’t know that well themselves, aren’t jazzed about, and have no teaching manual for. They are having also to deal with the “fighting” on content of the schoolwork – the “why do I have to learn this anyway?” – just as much as you are with your son – but they are in far worse a position because they have NO control over what to teach or how to teach, and they have no say over the grading.
My advice would be to take some time, pray for guidance. For what it’s worth…what you described on your son’s meltdown happened to us after our first year homeschooling (we too are in year three) and this is exactly why we now homeschool year round. I realize that is not for everyone but it changed things a lot for us because suddenly we had no issues with getting-back-in-the-groove, much less pressure to get things done so strictly each day, and no time lost re-learning or dealing with what’s been forgotten. That’s a LOT of saved time and a lot less pressure. Food for thought.
Just looking back up and seeing that your boy is in 7th grade. Mine are a bit younger, but I bet a few mamas on this forum with boys that age might tell you also that the “I don’t care about this” frame of mind might be rather common to this age. I can surely remember my brother being quite surly at that age! My mother recalls that only an enormous amount of physical activity helped the moods and she had him doing running and racket sports almost 2 hours a day (!) (and on the homework, she sent him to a tutor!!…he was public schooled)
Hope at least some of this has been helpful! Blessings, Angie
Oh, wow, I had a similar day here. My two older kids were suffering from a lack of sleep due to some scouts activities over the weekend, but we had a very difficult day. My 11YO (6th grader) had a real attitude about science today. “I hate it. There’s no point in it. It’s dumb. Why do I have to learn this anyway…”
Ugh, so anyway, just commiserating. You are not alone.
We have bad days here, too. Usually from lack of sleep, too much sugar, poor meal-planning on my part, and me not being prepared for my students. But, I don’t think I have experienced what you are describing with your ds. I agree with the above posts, all of them, but, I do have a very good friend who did send her dc back to PS and the dc has not worked as hard, because has chosen to, in a long time. Meaning, he is doing remarkably well and actually wants to do what is assigned. No fighting, as of yet. I’m not suggesting that that is the answer for your family, but just a different perspective. My dear friend worked long and hard on guiding/accomodating, etc., this dc but it just wasn’t working. In the meantime, it was taking away from her other dc and that just wasn’t fair. The one that is back in PS gets to “deal” with whatever needs to be done (mom and dad are still there for support) but have chosen to put their energy into the dc that want to learn and are agreeable to the terms set.
Now, this dc is a bit older than yours, but his challenging behavior began at about your ds age, maybe a bit later, not sure.
Her dc is a great kid, has many talents, but it just wasn’t working. I’m praying that their dc is on a road that is a blessing, even if that means PS for now.
I will pray for your situation as I’m sure it is exhausting…and you just want the best for him.
HTH
I’m sorry for your struggles. What I see is a heart issue that needs to be dealt with no matter where he goes to school. Please read Bookworm’s advice on an older thread I bumped: high school science, that’s not apologia? Would any of that apply to your case?
This is our fifth year and my 4th grader had a struggle starting back to school with only 6 weeks off. There were many new books and it was long days the first week to get used to it; but no big fits as you described. Then, again, I do not have a 12yo. But this heart issue needs dealt with before he reaches adulthood still throwing fits. Have you read Tedd Tripp’s books? They are $1.99 kindle books. They may help you to help your son to pull out those heart issues and work on them together and pray together. My ds has had fits in the past and that is how we worked through them. HTH.
Want to recommend “Raising Real Men” and “Created to Work”. And to ask, what is your husband’s role here? I hear a lot of responsibility on you, but boys are becoming men and they learn and are disciplined best by their fathers.
I am sorry you are going through this. Remember to pray and to breathe. The first day is always the hardest and habits take time!
Praying for you!
I wanted to suggest SCM Reaching Your Childs Heart. It might help!! It did me
http://simplycharlottemason.com/store/reaching-your-childs-heart/
I wonder if you think he is manipulating you with his bursts of anger. Does he think that if he pitches a fit, he will het out of what he doesn’t want to do? If so, maybe go back and work on some character issues like obedience with him. I know and understand that it is tempting to want to send him back to school, but he will probably learn far less, in a far less preferable environment, if you do so. I think you have received a lot of great advice already. Just wanted to throw this in for consideration. Blessings!
I will tell you the thing that sticks out to me…he has a LD and was doing the work wrong (from not understanding the directions). I wonder if this is the root of the attitude problem. There can be so much frustration in putting forth effort and then realizing that you didn’t get any of the problems right and need to start over. I don’t know what kind of LD you are dealing with, but I know that would send one of my children over the edge too. It could also account for the poor attitude and lack of interest. Praying for discernment for you in this situation.
I agree with pinkchopsticks on that point, as well. My dh has some type of LD or learning style that was never going to be addressed in PS, or at least not by his parents. He was always labeled as argumentative/combative/non-compliant/unmotivated, etc., especially in academics, meaning, math, lang. arts, etc. But give him a tool, something to build, a real discussion about what he does/did know, meaningful work, even laborious, and he would have excelled.
I know I mentioned the friend of mine returning her ds to PS but I will add that I think that is an isolated incident and is not for everyone. He’s older than your ds, situations are different, and there is a lot we don’t know about your family that can make it difficult to offer advice.
We will pray for peace that only God can provide for your family.
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