Habit forming/general responsibilities–what's the difference?

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  • September 3, 2010 at 2:09 pm
    birthjoy
    Member

    Okay, I posted yesterday about how difficult a time I was having transitioning into more structured days and I got some wonderful responses.  Thank you!  I took quite a bit of time to read up on habit forming as I truly believe that is the root of our problem.  My question is this: Charlotte and Sonya have both said that only one habit should be tackled at a time.  Focus on that one habit, get that “plate spinning” and then move onto the next one.  I really can see how that will be the best way to secure habits for a lifetime but how do I deal with the still reigning chaos that remains why we work on that “one habit”?  When I really think about what all we have to work on it seems like my kids will be college age before they have hit all of the habits!  Many of the habits that CM spoke of can be categorized as chores so how do I instill responsibility for those jobs without nagging while simultaneously working on habit forming?

    Do you understand what I am asking?

    September 3, 2010 at 2:48 pm
    quietwatersmommy
    Member

    Great question…I don’t know the answer but look forward to other replies.

     

    Here’s an old thread that may help you out. I’m sure that your children have developed some good habits…it’s hard to see the good sometimes and to only see the negatives (or how far you have to go). http://simplycharlottemason.com/scmforum/topic/smooth-easy-days-list-of-habits#post-22885

    Nanci

    September 3, 2010 at 2:50 pm
    blue j
    Participant

    I am not an expert by any means, and I still struggle from time to time with the habits and chores issue – both my own and my children.  However, I have found this to be effective – though you’ll have to decide based on personalities and ages if this is do-able for you.  A speaker that I heard at one time who was a child psychologist or something similar suggested this for help with chores, and it has worked well for our family.

    If a child is to make his bed and fails to do so, then when he would otherwise have free time to play, he should use part of that free time as practice time for this skill.  The idea is that with practice, the skill gets better. The parent needs to supervise this activity, though, so be prepared for this.  In this instance, the child would make the bed, perhaps half-heartedly, the parent would point out specific good points and others that need help, pull the covers back, and the process starts again.  It is helpful to have a timer to encourage the child to race himself to and yet get the chore done right and well.

    The idea is that he can do it right the first time (ala CM) or he can spend time that would be his own to practice what should have been done well and right the first time.  IMHO, this is the truth we all face… we can do what needs to be done right the first time or spend valuable time later making it right when we could be doing something else.

    Caveats:

    This idea should be introduced and in place before requiring practice. This is obvious, but when one feels a bit besieged by habit issues, there can be a temptation to both introduce it and enforce it nearly simultaneously.

    The parents’ attitude must be positive and encouraging… Easier said than done at some moments.

    Praising the positives as they practice is also necessary.

     

    I’m not sure if this is the kind of suggestion you were looking for, but perhaps it will spark an idea for you.

    Pax,

    ~jacqleene/ blue j

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