Frustrated about not fitting in….

Move to Florida and join my group. I think you’d both fit in quite well. A CM group, some purists and some not; Christians from a variety of denominations/traditions; lots of weird foodie people, myself included; all ages of kids with wide ranging interests who generally get along well despite the occ. issue – it really is wonderful! I know that’s not realistic, but perhaps you could build it and invite others to join in. That’s what I have done here. Just one thought.

I’m sorry you’re feeling alone. Don’t give up. There have to be some like minded people somewhere.

Christie

I hear ya.  My mom pulled me out of a rotten high school in the mid 90’s to homeschool.  At that time homeschooling was established, but still a small group.  Therefore, the group we joined was full of all sorts of people.  We all felt we pretty much had to stick together because there were so few of us.  There were no co-ops, just a weekly gathering of kids playing and moms talking.  They would bring books to exchange or share on occasion, and sometimes we had a “theme” week such as sharing a food from a country, sports day, science projects, etc.  My little brother was a newborn when we started, and just graduated high school last year, so my mom has filled me in on the changes to the now numerous groups in her same area.  To be fair, MOST of the individuals and families are kind, but there has been some sort of slow shift into those homeschooling “camps” you described and while she has maintained some friends through all those years, she does still tell me she longs for the “good ol’ days” sometimes. 

Ironically, her homeschooling career is done as my brother started college this year but now she is a homeschooling grandma as my oldest started first grade this year.  (And I swore I would never homeschool–but that’s another post.)  We are military, so have been in Germany the last three years.  We have a small base homeschool group, but it is run co-op style with lots of little classes in the morning one day a week.  They are mostly Christian, but inclusive, again, because there are so few homeschooling families here.  But I’ve not really been a part because the co-op in the morning thing didn’t fill any need we have.  It was more of a burden then a benefit.   But (for better or worse) we live on base, so we have neighborhood friends who understand the “military overseas” experience, some who used to homeschool and are totally understanding of our lifestyle. We also have a small, but close, church group.

BUT we are moving in two months back to the states.  I have started looking into homeschool groups in the area and so far have found three.  Two are exclusive Christian-only groups that make you sign a statement of faith, and one is very and proudly SECULAR.  I really understand in the current cultural climate WHY parents are wanting to have Christian-only groups for their children to spend their early years in.  After some of the tales of homeschool “boat rockers” trying to make things forcfully “inclusive” (in other words, no talking about God of faith), I get it.  But for US, I don’t like the idea of a signed statement of faith, and as a Catholic, there are a few things we don’t agree with so couldn’t sign in good faith anyway.  I also am noticing that, even this early, we homeschool “differently” with CM-ism ways.  No spelling in first grade?  Gasp! 

I try to limit my Internet time due to personal distraction issues.  But as I wonder if we will ever find a physical homeschool niche, I am glad for the Internet.  This forum and one other in particular help me a LOT.  It helps me see I am not alone and gives me much needed strength to forge ahead, especially when I have doubts about how we’re “doing homeschool”, like I did big time over Christmas break.  Yes, we are still human and need real, live, human interaction, but it might just be that season of life where my “live” relationships aren’t homeschool related.  I guess we’ll see in a couple months!

Missceegee, I didn’t find your post deflating.  It is actually good to know that kind of group can and does exist somewhere.  Who knows?  Maybe those of us in the earlier stages of homeschooling will be called to lead a group like yours in our areas when we have a little more experience under our belts.  We’ll be contacting you for advice! 😉

~Nicole

Christie, I didn’t take it as boastful. I want to be you when I grow up 😉 – your co-op always sounds so amazing! I know that we both would love to join your group!

I think that the real problem here is that there are lots of people scattered out in our area, but to be realistic, for many of us the distance is prohibitive…I live 2 hours from Mysterious. So when we meet up, it literally takes an entire day – if I am going to the city I try to make it worth my time in other ways as well – like shopping at Whole Foods and a couple of other stores that I don’t have access to where I live.

Another consideration is the money – gas is expensive, food is too, and it is hard when we really shouldn’t eat out. (We shouldn’t really eat the food I take, but it is much better than the restaurants.) The drive/time for me isn’t really a big deal – we listen to audio books and take some work. But I really couldn’t afford to do a weekly trip.

This got me thinking, though, that I know at least 3 families who are using CM methods (or trying to) besides Mysterious and myself…I am wondering if we could commit to one day a month and having something planned in the city (or somewhere) together…there would be at least 18 children to get together. I will email you, Mysterious!

We have a similar challenge.  The organized groups just haven’t worked for us yet.  Sometimes it’s that there is no one that my kids click with, sometimes it’s the statement of faith, sometimes it’s that they meet right in the middle of naptime (I have a home daycare, so naptime is fairly structured for the sake of the children’s parents.) 

What has worked is that we have connected with several families through our local yahoo homeschool group.  After organizing several individual playdates with many different families, about 5 or 6 families have come together as friends.  One friend had posted on the general yahoo group asking who was interested in learning about Charlotte Mason, and we had a book discussion going for a while.  That has fizzled out, but we do still get together for park dates, field trips, art activities and such.

I find that if I take the initiative to plan activities and then tell people what we are doing, others often join us.  No one else seems inclined to take the lead, so I have to make the effort myself.  For example, I’ve been taking my children ice skating every week.  I’ve been announcing it to others for a few weeks.  By the third time, this week we had 3 other families join us, as people got organized, found skates, overcame illnesses, etc.  In the summer, I just plan my own playground days and keep letting everyone know when and where we’ll be.

It would be nice to have something more organized, and hopefully we will find that ideal group yet, but for now this is allowing us to get out and develop friendships.

Joanne

I don’t have any advice, but thought I’d chime in with a “me too!” The first place we homeschooled was overseas, so we had a very small homeschool group, but we were very tight because we were all in the same boat. We were military wives, we were all new to homeschooling, we were living in a foreign country. There was no discrimination based on religion or curriculum or philosophy, we were all just happy to have someone to share the journey with and explore our new surroundings with. I think I was really spoiled by that being my introduction to homeschooling groups. Now that we are back stateside I have joined four different groups but just cannot find my spot! It is very frustrating, and my poor kids are lonely, they keep asking when we can go back overseas! I am going to just keep on swimming. I know if I just keep showing up, and keep pursuing relationships eventually something will click with someone, 12 moves have taught me that at least!

I know how you feel…I think we all do to some extent, or we wouldn’t be so grateful for this forum! We have a good co-op here (a nice blend of active, but not high pressure; accepting but not whacky :-). Anyway, there are still areas that we don’t completely fit in.

Of my very best homeschooling friends, one uses the state sanctioned, teacher-led homeschool program, one is Rod and Staff and not much else, and two recently put their kids into Christian schools. But I love them all! I think I kind of started looking for commonalities instead of seeing the differences as some point.

Years ago, we were praying about another homeschool group situation (not positive for us) and a church situation. I felt that the Lord told me very clearly deep down, “Stop trying to fit into other people’s boxes. I made you an ‘out of the box’ person – you aren’t GOING to fit in – and that is okay!” From that time on, I felt that I really started loving others and myself more, because I just let go of that expectation that we would think alike in every area.

I am old and tired, too ;-). This world makes us weary, and homeschooling is 24/7 all over your life. But I will be praying for you to find loving, supportive friends. It really only takes one to lift you up and help you stand when you are ready to fall. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, either. We all need help from each other, and one day you will be the one to encourage and support your friend.

God bless!