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Feeling Frusterated
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I have homeschooled my son for the past 3 years (K-2nd). After discovering CM this summer, I got very excited and we decided to homeschool my two daughters (1st and 4th grade) this year as well. Things are not going as smooth as I had hoped.
My first struggle is getting down to work for the day. Now that the three of them have each other to distract, I find myself getting very angry, EVERY SINGLE DAY as they mess around when Im trying to teach. It gets worse when I have to work with one of them, and the other two start wandering away from their work. Im finding that they are wasting a HUGE amount of time, and no level of bribing, conjoling, or punishing is changing that. Every day they lose out on activities, computer time, and play time (which then makes me feel like an evil taskmaster who never lets the kids see the light of day). Pretty much I feel like the day is wasted and ruined by 10:30 because we’ve barely started on our short lessons.
So then I worry that I have too much scheduled for the day (since we arent finishing up easily). I used the Charlotte Mason planner and I am using mostly curriculum from this board. I am doing Math, literature, and history every day of the week. I have one study a day (poetry, music, hymns, and art). I have science and grammer 3xs a week. I feel like I really dont have time to work on the younger two’s reading skills (which they both need) and I run out of time for lifeskills. By mid-afternoon I am completely drained, and dont want to be around anyone for the rest of the day. (Which I cant really do, especially when I have to go to work in the evening).
Basically everything is taking too long to do, and I feel like we arent getting anywhere. Does anyone have suggestions or encouragement? (Please be kind…Im really struggling. I really didnt expect to feel this way)
I am sorry you are having a tough time! How frustrating and exhausting! My heart goes out to you. I think we all go through days of frustration esp if you homeschool! NOT, to compare to what you are going through…just wanted to say you are NOT alone! I don’t have all the answers–I just want to help if I can!!
Let me try to understand. You have 1st, 3rd, and 4th graders? The two girls were PS? First, let me say that I admire you very much!!! What a decision you made for your family! Obviously after HS your son you know all the ins and outs! And after you learned CM it got you excited because it is such a different approach!! Congrats on taking a big step! You are to be commended!
My question is, did you start out with a couple of subjects a day? Or did you have a full schedule? I know your girls are used to a full schedule but HS is still different as well as CM. The sisters enjoy each others company and have fun together I am sure. Maybe you could focus on working on just a couple of subjects a day. Telling your children that you want full attention and their best effort. After they have succeeded with these subjects slowly add other subjects. Always keeping them short and adding time as you go along. This sounds counterproductive since they will be finished very early in the day! Then when they have completed the subjects the way you like then reward them however you see fit. You may even suggest, If we can do blank subjects well today, then you can get on the computer, have a celebration at lunch, do something they have been wanting to do….but they have to earn it. Instead of you giving the punishment, you are putting it into their hands of earning a reward.
Also, write on an index card the schedule and give it to each of them. Show them what is expected at what time. Maybe they can check of as they finish well.
Last year, I got tired of punishing and conjoling too! I made each child a wall of character traits and obedience cards. They are stuck on the wall. Whenever they don’t exhibit the trait etc.. they have to remove it from their part of the wall. They put it in a pocket that is also on the wall. Whenever 2 or more are taken away during the day they lose privledges. But if none are taken away they a few choices as a reward. They cannot choose the same reward every day- the most is 3 times a week. For example, computer time, a special dvd, etc.. They cannot do these things without earning them. Also, instead of using words like telling a lie, I use I was truthful. When they tell a lie they lose I was truthful card. There are many traits that you can come up with!! Again you are leaving it up to them!!
Possibly might want to ditch subjects all together for a time and work on character development?? Don’t worry about them being behind!! You can always catch up!! And I just bet they are learning more than you think even with the confusion!
As I am writing this, I have to remember again what I have implemented. It is daily thing! I get lost in housework, homeschool, headaches (I have health issues), and hurry!!
May God bless you and give you daily strength!! It is not an easy task but a rewarding one!
PS…take a well deserved break and refocus! 🙂
Oh, I like the good-trait wall! I think I may implement that here! How many traits do you have up? How much space does it take?
I’m so sorry you’ve had a rocky start…I have felt the same way at times! I’m saying a prayer for your family right now!
What great advice 2flowersboys gave you…and I agree…I would scale back and build up slowly. I’ve heard it put from those on this website like this…it’s like training for a marathon…once they are doing well with those 2 (or however many) subjects, add more. Keep the times short as well, and build up.
As for what she said about character development…I couldn’t agree more! Last week we spent the majority of the beginning of the week working on heart issues….reading Bible stories that talk about things like the fear of the Lord, and what happens to the foolish man (child). We memorized and copied verses, and prayed together.
I love the wall of character traits idea! That’s great….something we could use as well!
One other thing that has helped me, is getting an earlier start…this may not apply to you, but it sure has helped me so I thought I’d mention it…I’ve been trying to get up early enough to get a shower, my quiet time, breakfast for all of us and the dish washer unloaded by 7:45 or so. Then during breakfast, we read the Bible, go over our verses, sing and pray. After that the kids get dressed, and we get started with school work around 8:30 or 8:45 or so. At this point, I already feel a sense of accomplishment, because we have had a family time of worship and discussion, which is the most important thing for us to accomplish each day in my opinion. 🙂
I’m very new to homeschooling, so my advice doesn’t come with the same experience and wisdom as many others here, but I just want to encourage you. You are definitely not alone. Keep praying for your kids, yourself and your homeschool. God knows the desire of your heart. He loves you and your kids and wants to bless your days together!
Hugs!!!
megan
You have received some valuable wisdom so far. I am going to take a stab at this from the kids’ perspectives, especially the two girls who were previously in public school. This is a whole new ball game for them. They are each going from a classroom with 20-30 kids, lots of worksheets and busywork, and nothing of much value character-wise expected from them to being at home, having a teacher who is also their mom give them full attention, and trying to figure out how to accept their home environment as their school environment as well. That’s a pretty tough transition for such young kiddos! Granted, I believe your decision to homeschool all of them was the right one, but I also think you would be wise to cut everyone (including yourself) a little slack.
The others who posted were right on about starting more slowly and working your way up to a full schedule. You may even want to drop all your subjects except Bible (and maybe some fun ones like poetry or picture study) and just focus on habits for a little while. There’s nothing wrong with that! If you can get all three of your children to develop and practice the habits of attention and obedience, you’re going to be accomplishing so much more and in less time than you are now.
What you really have to be careful of is getting to the point where your children are hating school and where the older ones are begging to go back to public school. You want them to love learning and love being at home with you, not begging to get away. I used to get very angry and frustrated with my kids, and I realized that, as much as they definitely needed habit training, their lack of training wasn’t their fault. It was MY fault! They couldn’t pay attention well because I never taught them to! They didn’t obey after one telling because I didn’t expect them to! And I was taking out my anger on them for not practicing habits they were never taught to begin with. God really had to work some things out in my own heart, and that working out had to happen during a period when we weren’t having a “formal” school time.
Homeschooling has definitely been one of those things that I thought I was doing for the best interests of my children (and I believe it is), but it has ended up changing and forming my own character more than I ever thought possible. I have discovered issues in my own heart that I don’t believe would have ever been uncovered had I not chosen to home educate.
I hope you know that I am really not preaching at you. I know what it feels like to be at your wit’s end, frustrated, and angry, questioning if you’re really doing the right thing or not. It’s a horrible place to be, but I’m glad I was there once because I came out better on the other side. My children did, too.
Be encouraged that you’re going to look back on this time in six months or a year and be so thankful that you were once at your wit’s end! Allow the Holy Spirit to work in your heart and let that work spill over into your children’s hearts.
Blessings,
Lindsey
I am right there with you! It is hard to get it all done and my kids also, hmm, how can I put it nicely – lack focus? I have ds6 and dd10.
I have cut way back on the activities that I want to do with them – they just are not interested in any of the “fun projects” I put together for us LOL – they just want to play. And I know that play is very important, probably the most important part of our day.
By afternoon I too am totally exhausted – I think I know just how you feel. Only I expect it is harder with 3 than 2 to wrangle.
A while ago I cut back our schedule dramatically. I had to do something because I was starting to dread turning to the studies in the morning. I spent some time deciding what was top priority for us. I wanted the kids to get plenty of sleep. I wanted to focus on reading with ds6 and math with dd10. To help me cope with our school time, I wanted them to stop asking to play on the computer or play video games during breaks from schooling. I also wanted to be done for the day at some point, if this makes any sense. I had to give up my dreams of notebooking pages and handicrafts (for now LOL!).
So our new schedule is : wake them up at 8:00, get done with studies by 1:00 (at that time I am done – put it all away! if I didn’t get all accomplished that I wished, I reflect on why? and try to do better tomorrow – but I need to be done at that time). Read aloud from a good book. Do math – both kids, reading (phonics) for ds6, grammar (Simply Grammar and Jr. An. Grammar combo) for dd10, Queen’s lang. lessons for both (this is very fast – but so good!). If that gets done, I am satisfied. In between these things is playing outside (nature study, I call it!) and snacks and breakfast and lunch. And if they want to look at library books or watch a video about something we are studying that is great but I don’t expect it. If everyone seems receptive we might read on our science topic or our history topic, depending on which thing I think needs attention (this is happening more and more often, I am pleased to say). No asking for electronic play before 1:00 (this has been very effective). And the habit we are working on is “doing as you are told” – sounds simple, right? :sigh:
These things are getting done. When I am satisfied with this for a month or so, then I will add to it. Actually I am already breaking this rule by trying to introduce composer study LOL with Prokofiev (Peter and the Wolf) but very gently.
One thing that I have done that has worked very well is to put my daughter in charge of art classes. She will put together a little something for us to do a couple of times a week, just on her own. It is usually just from her imagination and not related to our studies. She gets together the supplies and sets it all up, etc. I would probably not otherwise be organized enough to do any art lessons so this is great.
I also love the idea above of the wall of character traits mentioned above!
Since you have 3 kids in the mix, your days are likely a power of 10 more crazy than mine, and it may take proportionally longer to see an improvement in your schedule – I say make a long term plan to assess the effectiveness of whatever changes you make. Like stick with it for six weeks at least. I don’t often see overnight results in our homeschooling life – but we are not looking for a quick fix, we are looking into the future.
You have gotten wonderful advice, so I don’t have much more to add. I do agree that you may want to cut back to 1 or 2 subjects per day and ease back in to a full schedule one day. I would do bible and reading first. The 3 most important subjects are reading, writing, and arithmatic, so make those your goal to do first then add in science, history (bible CAN be history–we follow SCM modules), poetry, art, music as you are comfortable.
I have young ones like you, ages 7, 5, and 3. While I am working on math with one daughter, the other daughters are playing a game on the computer, usually a spanish website to learn foreign language. It’s a reward for working hard on math and that is their breaktime. That way I can concentrate on a subject with each daughter separately. My 7 yr old is more independent so I may have her do copywork (math, grammar, etc) while I teach reading to my 5 yr old. My 3 yr old doesn’t have much school so she usually is playing quietly nearby. We always break at 11:30 after 1 1/2 hrs of work (with small breaks for each child) to go outside for an hour, then lunch, then finish up our work and done by 2 p.m. It’s important I think to take frequent breaks!
Hang in there. You’ll find out what works for your family. Charlotte Mason stressed the environment is important–so keep it less stressful. Doing chores with each other and learning character traits is school also!
Tara
Thank you for all the kind advice and blessings. You gave me quite a bit to pray over the last few days.
My question is, did you start out with a couple of subjects a day? Or did you have a full schedule?
I did start out with a full schedule everday. I did realize this week that the girls really dont get the difference between being home and being homeschooled. I’m so afraid that my kids will fall behind somewhere that I’ve been trying to stuff tons of items in the day. Ive also been dealing with feeling selfish about wanting to be done for the day…so thats an attitude issue for myself.
I took the last few days off to consider what I need to just let go and what is important. You all just confirmed what my close homeschool-mentor friend had been pressing me for. Please pray for wisdom for our family as we work on our system 🙂
Thanks!
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