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Fears
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I was wondering if some of you have advice on how to deal with fears your children have or had. My DS 6 is dealing with a variety of fears and so far everyone told me it’s normal and he will outgrow it. But I don’t just want to sit and watch him being miserable for another 2-4 years till he outgrows it? He is my youngest and his 2 sisters never went through that. Yes they went through phases of fears of certain things that were over fast. My sons fears seem to hang around and he adds new things all the time. From what I can tell so far the problem seems to be thatbhe is very smart and absorbs every tiny bit of information like a spongue, but then overanalyzes every bit of information. As a result he has all the information but has not the maturity to handle it ? A few examples, he is afraid of everything new or unknown, like new playgrounds we haven’t been before or other places. He is afraid of natural disasters and weather phenomena ( although we live in AZ and have no disasters here) . I know those fears are common but his fear does not go away and influences our family life. Right now it is monsoon season and we have dark clouds and heatnlightning every afternoon and he just refuses to leave the house. If we try make him leave the house he has a meltdown! He is fraid of everything out of the norm or routine, like on Thursday it was “wear 2 different shoes day” at VBS and he completly freaked out about it and didnt want to go to VBS that day.There is so much more. I just really want to help him. One thing he does since his fears got worse is he is wearing his spiderman costum basically every day and sometimes nights. I even had to take him shopping like that one day, it’s like his ” armor” or safety blanket. With the weather phenomena and natural disasters we got books in the library and talked endless hours about them and reassuring him he his safe, God and we watch out for him. He ended up drawing all 50 states on 50 sheet of paper and recorded all local natural disasters and weather phenomena on it and hung them up on his walls! Guess it’s more like a mixture of fear and obsession for him! Anyway, I am looking for advice from Moms who went through that.
Blessings Christine
Yesterday we had a brush fire in our area (California) with four fire helicopters flying to the lake one mile from our house. Since this was the third brush fire with helicopters over our house this month, my dd4 was just terrified. We went to the lake to watch the helicopters fill up their hoses and buckets, and little lady screamed that the fire was going to get us. As the helicopter whirled up over us spraying water like raindrops, I gleefully waved and shouted, “Let’s wave to our Friends in the helicopter!” Little lady responded with a meek wave and her crying ceased. When we came home she ran around the yard waving as the helicopters flew overhead and resumed her happy playfulness. I thought about how I had responded the first time this month we had a brush fire nearby…I rushed around gathering carseats, water bottles, change of clothes, etc. I was nervous and influenced my little lady. If I would have been calmer and had moved slower that day, would my dd have been calm yesterday too?
I think it is great that you are informing your ds about storms and weather. Information is good. I wonder if you went outside with enthusiasm the next time there are dark clouds saying something like, “I just cannot wait to see the clouds. Do you want to come? (if not then let him stay on the sofa) I will be right back.” He then watches, maybe through the window, you smile and joyfully gaze at the clouds as you take photos. Come back in and share your photos…then ask which one is his favorite…would he like to take a photo…maybe paint and color the clouds…etc. Keep doing what you are doing by encouraging him to learn and create.
Thunder Cake by Patricia Polacco is a good story, as well as Storm in the Night by Mary Stolz, about fearing storms.
And memorize: 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind. Also Ephesians 6:10-19 about the armor of God. We do motions to this passage like we are putting on each item. Wouldn’t it be fun to make a helmet, sword, breastplate, etc? God’s armor is real and we can wear it all the time (even stronger than superman’s armor).
We had our dog (originally a stray dog) kill our beloved cat on our front porch one morning last year as dd3 opened the front door. For six months she would scream if someone opened the front door. We used the back door instead and didn’t force the issue. Over time and since the training of our dog, she has the front door always open and a new kitten.
I believe your ds will grow confident because of your confidence and gentleness (not forcing him to wear different shoes, for example, but letting him watch you wear two different shoes for an hour).
Of course, mother’s intuition is real. Listen to your own heart if it is telling you to seek professional counseling.
Similar experiences as Christine with my kids. My daughter is dealing with this the worst, though. We tried for years to talk her through things, pray, pray, pray (which does help almost immediatly in each new situation), as well as scriptures/devotions on these things as well, we also tried just letting her grow out of it as some people advised as well. It eventually started affecting her physical health and that just made it all worse and even harder to deal with. She is now starting to see a christian councilor for an anxiety disorder. I agree with Janell about you knowing your son the best and to trust your gut when and if you feel that you need to take this to someone who is trained in helping with anxiety type disorders. I think it would be worth the extra effort to find one who is bible believing, though, and who knows the power of prayer as well.
I would also like to put it out there that there are a lot of times spiritual “roots” to problems like these. Sensitive kids are usually sensitive because they are spiritually sensitive and so they seem to pick up on a lot of things that others don’t. I am not sure what your belief system is exactly, but I would encourage you to not just deal with this based on mental reasoning, etc. pray over him and teach him to pray over himself as well. I would encourage you to study up on what your spriritual authority is as a christian and then use it in prayer over him as well as teaching him at the same time. Remember that the bible addresses fear often and is very specific as well.
Blessings! I will be praying for you and your son. It is hard to give advice about things like this when there is no first hand relationship with the people you are advising, so I am just letting you know a bit of our story and hoping that it helps you. I hope you find what your son needs soon.
-Miranda
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