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Crazy, insecure, or on to something? Laying it all out!
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I am in the planning stages of my oldest daughter’s high school education. It is the kind of planning that gets you really thinking about the future. I am having a very hard time with some core issues. I have always assumed she would go to college, because that is what *everybody* does, but in my heart of hearts I want her to have the blessing of being a homemaker/homeschooling mommy to her children.
I know God has a plan for her, but I also know that the things we do and say carry great weight with our children. I’m conflicted about whether or not I should be encouraging her to pursue a post-secondary education. Do we plan the next four years like she is going to go?
I have been a homemaker since the beginning of my marriage and have never wished for anything else. I am truly content with all of my life choices and have felt so blessed to never have to *balance* work and home.
I feel like I need to be telling her the importance of God’s plan as a helpmeet for her future husband and all that that means. But I feel like the two plans (college or homemaker) contradict each other. I’m afraid if she goes to college that she will feel like she needs to work, after all she will have put a lot of time and $$$$ into that degree.
Give me wisdom PLEASE! Heather
Hi Heather,
Your post really caught my attention and I just wanted to share my experience. I went to college (all the way through graduate school) and now am a full time homeschooling mommy and wife. I truly believe that was God’s exact plan for me. It’s where I met my husband and, in many ways, is one of the things that truly helps me be the helpmeet he needs. That is just my experience, I am not suggesting that is true for everyone. But, I don’t think that going to/finishing a post-secondary education and being a full time mommy at some point are mutually exclusive. Truly following God’s plan may lead in that direction. I know you are already submitting this in prayer and my prayer for you is wisdom and discernment.
Anyway, that’s my experience and I hope this helps.
Monica
While my kids are no where near college age, I agree! If she wants to continue her education, but not *go* to college in order to pursue her God given role as helpmeet and mother, she could always do some online courses, or spend sometime pursuing books on subjects that interest her, but that she hasn’t been able to go into as in depth as she would have liked.
I am hesitant to send my children – boy or girl – to college. Even the Christian colleges are liberal and can be worldly and fail to see how overall that would be God’s calling for His children. Why go someplace that teaches evolution as fact, denies God etc.? I don’t expect to shelter them forever – but don’t see how that going to a college that denounces God at every turn is having them focus on honoring God. But that is my 2 cents for my familly.
This is such a great question. Though I have all boys, I can understand your concerns. Have you seen the book College Without Compromise? Your daughter could get a higher education, if she really wants one, without compromising her God given calling to be a helpmeet and homemaker. You might find it helpful.
Heather,
I am so totally with you in some areas. I am happy to be a stay at home mom and really don’t want anything else. I’ve “been there done that” with college and career, and I know what I want. What I am doing now is the very most important thing I could ever do.
However, I do not regret my college education at all. In fact, it has in many ways been a blessing as I’ve done things here at home with my children. AND I know that if I ever needed to–due to circumstances beyond my control–I could work at a reasonable job–i.e., I wouldn’t have to wait tables or work in a convenience store.
I personally think that having an education–whether it be college or some sort of vocational training—is critically important today. And it does NOT need to be incompatible with being a homemaker–many homeschooling moms have been to college, and yet here we are! If your daughter is just beginning high school age, she is very young. I think there is NOTHING WRONG and everything right with you sharing your heart for home and doing everything you can to draw her heart there too–but you dont’ want to “slam the door” on college options, either. There are some students for whom any sort of college might be unwanted or impractical–but if she MIGHT want to go, then I think it is important to keep this possibility in view in planning. Don’t forget the great options that are there with online classes and CLEPing and things like that! Try to keep as many options open as possible for her! She might marry happily at 19 or 20 and be a lifelong homemaker–TERRIFIC! But it might be nice even so to have a “back up plan” And if that DOESN’T happen right away and she spends a few years finding the young man God has in mind for her, then it might be that some sort of college would be right. And many of us MEET Mr. Right at college–I did. 🙂
There are plenty of God-honoring colleges, and colleges at which it is still possible to maintain yourself. There are paths that involve taking at least 1 or 2 years worth of courses at home and then finishing. There are lots of ways out there. It is worth looking into entrance requirements and taking some of that into consideration when planning high school, because it is usually impossible for us fallible parents to see into the future so clearly that we know “exactly” what a child will need at 20 or 25 or 30. Prepare for as many eventualities as possible!
Michelle D
I agree – I feel my college education has made me a better homeschool mom, especially for my high school age daughters, and a better help meet to my husband. I have always wanted to be doing what I am doing now, but I also enjoyed my liberal arts university education. I don’t think education is ever wasted, and I think it is important for all to be as well educated as possible in today’s world. My daughters do not know if they want to go to college yet, however I have educated them as if they were going and I have made sure we have the requirements for them to go if they choose too. I think one daughter will go into the equestrian field in some form, and she may or may not get a degree. My other daughter will most likely take classes online. My husband and I have always wanted them to do what makes them happy, but also more importantly to be Godly women who are productive members of society and well read, no matter what they choose to do. I have always encouraged the girls in all the homemaking skills and such like, but they also know that I benefitted from a college education and got a degree and had a career prior to meeting my wonderful husband. I worked up until our marriage and until I became pregnant, then we followed through with what we had always planned and I became a full time mum. I have never regretted that, but as I said, I am grateful for the education that I had and I still study history now whenever I get the chance. As usual Michelle has explained very well the various ways that a student can take college classes and I endorse her idea of preparing for all eventualities wholeheartedly. I apologise for any typos, I had my eyes tested today and dilated, so I am not seeing so well. Anyway good luck Heather, you have plenty of time to work on all this. Linda
This is a great question even for those of us with younger ones. I always love learning from you all.
Even with younger ones I think about this with a husband that is selfemployeed and is in a trade (so no college needed). Thanks for bringing this topic to view.
Misty
This is a question that I have struggled with myself (for myself) throughout my life…. Here are a few things.
I didn’t meet my husband until I was 32 – that was a lot of years to support myself, and because of my Post Sec. Education, I was able to do so very well. In theory, if my husband should predecease me, I would be able to support my family well too – but the career I had gets obsolete, so I wouldn’t be able to get a job without re-training…. but that was due to my choice of career.
While I was working, one of the companies worked out a method to determine pay for the employees. Everyone with my Job title had their pay determined by this method. There were various factors such as experience, time at the company, performance, and education. A person with a University Degree, with the same experience, time at company, and performance, would get $700 a month more than a person with s Technical Diploma (which is what I had.) So – for doing EXACTLY the same work at EXACTLY the same performance and results, a person with a diploma got $8,400 more a year than I did…. if our performance was rated as Expected. Because performance was a multiplier, if we both had gotten Exceeds Expectations or higher, the difference was even more. (A person with a Technical Certificate would get $300 a month less than for the Diploma – and someone with only a HS diploma would get $500 a month less – but probably wouldn’t have the job anyway.
The knowledge and experience gained from College, or University, or even a Technical Institute can be very useful. There are things a person interested in homeschooling could look at taking that would directly benifit that goal.
Just a few thoughts, anyway.
And some states require homeschool parents to have college degrees. Would I want her to GO? No…but college…maybe.
We are there right now. My dd graduated from homeschool in May 2009. She, frankly, is not going to college. It’s been a hard decisions. We looked into College Plus and she actually was offered a full ride scholarship to a Christine college. She turned it down. As we prayed about it and waited, she decided that college is not what she thinks God is leading her to right now. It was something others expected of her but she didn’t have a peace about it. Why? Because God has given her a heart to work with children in a ministry way. There are many volunteer opportunities for her. We just moved across the country so she doesn’t even have a job right now (and can’t find one). I really think this is a “God” issue and not a one size fits all thing. Most people, including my unsaved husband, don’t understand with her decision. But, I do believe, for now, that it is what the Lord has for her. So, I would encourage you and your daughter to pray about it. He has the plans for her already made. Seek Him first. Don’t fall into the trap of following the other fish if that isn’t what God is leading her to – whichever way you decide she should go.
Wow, this a great post and wonderful comments. I have the same concerns for my daughter. Though an unlikely scenario, I just wanted to add one of my closest friend’s experience. She didn’t really like school and didn’t go to college—always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. She is now 46 and still unmarried, and while has a decent job as a church assistant does not make much $$, doesn’t own a home, etc.
I hope my daughter will be able to prayerfully decide on a career that she could love and make a decent living at if need be, with the heart to realize that home is the more important place to be. Thanks for all your posts:) Gina
Hi Guys
I have long been absent from this forum for many personal reasons. But I have missed you! This thread caught my attention as I came on to find some direction for my own self and for the help I am trying to offer a friend. I attended college just for a year, got the certificate I was after and have been a happily married hschooling mommy ever since (28+yrs) My best friend went to Post Secondary and became a registered nurse. Used her training for a while then she and her dh decided she would stay home and raise the kids, which she did amazingly well. Two older kids hschooled and finished and 2 younger ones mid way. Last month the Lord called her husband home, suddenly and very unexpectedly. This has been a rough time for her family but I know she is happy knowing that should she have to return to work she will be able to provide for her children and still keep their home education going. I all of a sudden see college in a completely different way. Yes, the Lord has a plan for us, but we don’t know what that plan is, and I now believe that being prepared for any scenario is a very smart way to go. I am encouraging my kids to follow Gods leading if it is loud and clear, and if not, follow their schooling through, and keep praying for His wisdom. God forbid, but we do live on a broken planet and bad stuff happens. I want them to be prepared to meet it. Just my .02:)
Heidi
Welcome back Heidi, so sorry to hear about your friend, but that is another excellent reason why my hubby and I wanted to make sure our girls high school education was geared to college, so if God led them that way they were ready and prepared for a future. I am not one who believes everyone needs college, apprentices are excellent and there are other options, however being educated is so important and opens many doors. Like the Boy Scouts say, Be Prepared….it can never hurt.
Give me wisdom PLEASE! 
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