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CM with an Aspie
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Our oldest son was recently dx with Aspergers. While it’s been really nice being able to see a bigger picture of him, it is very tiring trying to teach him. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE CM, but he’s so negative (cups half empty-pretty normal from what I’m reading), that it’s a struggle to get him to want to narrate or read things that don’t meet his obsession. He’s 11. I let him read lots and lots about his obsession-war/military, but I am trying to teach him and his 9 year old brother together in history, languange, science, bible… so there are times I just want to say “suck it up” and do your work, but I know that’s not necessarily a CM response..
Anyone else teaching an aspie?
My 9-yr-old has Aspergers. Or Fetal Alcohol. We don’t know because we don’t know his birth history. Anyways….I know there are many women here who have a child on the autism spectrum with lots of great advice. I’m not one of them!
I do tell my son to “suck it up” only it comes out more like, “you need to have a good attitude about this or you’ll have to spend time in your room, or do extra work, or….” whatever I’m feeling like that day. Having had to sit in his room on a few occassions while everyone else gets to play sure made him decide that he’d rather have a good attitude.
That being said, I try to find books I know he and his brothers will enjoy. We stick to the topics and ideas I want to cover, but I find books within that which will appeal to them. For science they take turns choosing a topic to research so he knows he’ll get a chance soon to explore what he wants. And frankly he likes all science so it’s never a problem for him.
I use his reading lessons as a time to read books he’s more interested in. It motivates him to want to read. He had a super bad attitude about reading until I let him start choosing the books (carefully selected so he could be successful and still hold his interest) and the place too. He’s so much happier if he can read on my bed.
Sometimes he just needs a break. We take one. He needs a lot of movement so I have him jump and run and take walks around the neighborhood, etc. If it’s ugly outside we do standing long jumps or the Hokey Pokey or some other sort of “get the energy out” game. I make sure he’s eaten well too. After taking artificial colors out of his diet he’s much calmer. Too much sugar makes him extra crabby and hard to deal with as well. We have a somewhat regular bedtime and let him (well, all of them) sleep in as late as they need. We’re working on deep breathing to help him calm himself and clear his head. Sometimes he just needs to be alone in his room to get all the anger out. There’s no point pushing him once he’s crossed the line because his brain shuts off. Most kids need at least 20 minutes to get the adrenaline out of their systems. We will also have him make lists (verbally, because he doesn’t write well yet) of things he is grateful for. It helps lift him out of his “life is so horrible” moods.
It can certainly be a challenge, but I’ve seen such amazing improvements in him, academically and emotionally. Some days I just want to cry because I’m so proud of the success he’s making and other days I want to cry because it’s so hard. Thank the heavens we can pray!
my son, 6, has high functioning autism…very similar to aspergers except he did have a language delay. motivators are hard to come by with a child on the spectrum…but i have figured out that when i visually let my son know what to expect (i simply write down the order of the day and let him check off accordingly)…reward him for “not complaining and having a good attitude”…it has gotten much better. for my son…and i suspect many on the spectrum…sometimes i have to be careful about removing from situation or sending to his room…as this is exactly what he is looking for…avoidance of the thing he doesn’t like. i had to learn that the hard way
.i try and use his obsession as his motivation. x amount of happy faces beside the checked off task (mentioned above) equals x amount of mins doing whatever it is that day he chooses to earn.
i am very new to homeschooling and there is a big difference between a 6 year old and an 8 year old, but sometimes it just helps to know someone else is going through same problem! i remember our first year after dx…it isn’t easy…even if you were hoping for someone to finally relieve you that it’s not simply you being a “bad mom”…ha! i also totally agree with above post in that removing food dyes makes a HUGE difference. we also saw big results with the gfcf diet. and sensory breaks are essential!
will say a prayer for you…God is so faithful. many blessings and prayers your way!!!!
Fellow aspie mama here (and wife too, my hubby is an aspie)! May God give you the strength and wisdom to guide your son in his learning… and his life. Grace and peace to you and your family!
Rachel
crazy4boys–Thanks! How do you get him to move…Connor isn’t big on movement… LOL Reading is definitely his thing. He’s kept a list of books he’s read in the past year and I think he’s up to 150+ and that’s not counting the ones “too small to bother writing.” I have just started reading up on GFCF and Fiengold diets. Sounds like something we need to do, just need to gear up for it. Any suggestions for how to start…
hyb222–lists! He does like lists! I use to write his assignments down, but I’ve gotten more lenient over the past couple years as he’s aged. Maybe I need to get back to it. I also just got the book “Managers of their Homes” and it is big on making a schedule. Again, just need to find time to implement it. Oh, and Connor is the same way about going into his room. That would be heaven for him. He tells me often that he just wants to be alone….
I feels so much better just knowing there’s more of us out there! It does get hard when you feel that you have researched and prayed and found the style and curriculum choices that you truly think are the best for your family, to be met with such negativity… you feel like you misread everything and misjudged. downhearted…
Thanks!!!
oh man…gfcf diet and feingold…starting…i would HIGHLY recommend Unraveling the Mystery of Autism and Pervasive Developmental Disorder: A Mother’s Story of Research & Recovery (Paperback) by karen seroussi. and also the gfcfyahoo group is a great starter place, too! it’s very daunting in the first 6 months…but in this house has proven to be very very worth every bit of time and effort!
HTH!!
hyb
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