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Balancing home education and other demands
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This is mainly a question for Sonya, but also for anyone else who can offer advice on balancing home education with with being a godly wife, managing the home, and managing other demands. My kids are still at the preschool stage, so I’m following the SCM Early Years Handbook, which I’m finding excellent. But I’m struggling to balance time with my kids and other basic demands such as time with God, time with my husband, housework, meals, shopping, planning, corresponding, etc. My day starts at 5 each day to spend time with God, and from then it’s non-stop till 10pm -and I go to bed exhausted with a massive to-do list. Today I read Charlotte’s advice to spend 4-6 hours/day outside. I love spending time outside with my kids – it’s all the other stuff I find gets left undone, and hangs over me like a cloud….like finding time to stay on top of the laundry, plan shopping lists, to make meals in advance, to keep in touch with friends, to plan to have friends over for a meal. I find if I just spend the day doing the laundry, housework, meals, etc, I don’t get the quality time with my kids I want to have, and little time outdoors. If only I could find a way of getting those things more efficient and organised, I might start winning. So I guess what I’m looking for is very practical advice on things like:
- how to manage to do lists. I mean really practical. Like where and when you make them, how you organise them etc. I either end up having them in my head, or writing and re-writing them and feeling defeated by the items that get re-written for weeks and never get done
- how to manage the grocery shopping, shopping lists, etc. I loathe grocery shopping and meal planning – I find it overwhelming when I have small children round my feet or 10 mins before the end of nap time… And how do you fit in grocery shopping around school time/time outdoors etc
- how to actually get some free time to plan the week’s lessons or activities.
- etc
Thanks so much!
OK. First thing to do. You need to train your children to take an hour’s rest each afternoon. Then you need to dedicate that time to the most important things. When my kids were young, that was a prayer, a few minutes in the Word, and then planning. I plan my meals out three months at a time. I post the schedule. I only shop twice per month except for quick runs for more milk. (My fridge won’t hold enough) I set aside one time per week to check up on my meal plans, (I do Thursday during quiet hour) one time per week to organize my lesson materials for the next week (Friday) and one time to work on my church related work. When my kids were little, I did what used to be done in the olden days–baked one morning, did laundry two mornings, did cleaning one morning. I didn’t do a very good job of dates with dh when my kids were little–we are better now. In fact I need to run because it is date night. But the only thing that ever worked for me was to set aside that planning time. Once you get up and running with meal systems (I can make that a separate post later) then really it takes me maybe half an hour a week to update my meal plans with what’s on sale, make out a shopping list, then an hour to shop. You have to be kind of ruthless with the stuff that isn’t eternal, to get it pared down to a system so you can free up time for what IS eternal.
Have to run, hope to check in tomorrow and see more discussion here!
I am sure you will receive alot of tips and maybe even some “When you have it all figured out let me know, cause I’m still trying”.
But, I will say that I use the http://www.flylady.net online organizing method. I began this method about 5 1/2 years ago. I will say that it works when I use it and I can see an immediate change in the household and I can tell when I’ve been slacking because everything feels cluttery, chaotic, dreadful. I do have a *control journal* (their idea) and everything is written in it and it holds a variety of important papers (inexpensive binder, paper, page protectors). Anyhow, I could go on and on, but if you’re interested the site is free and the tips/method has been a life saver for me on many occasions.
BTW, I think when our kids are young it difficult for most moms to feel successful all the time in every area. Be patient with yourself and remember that the majority of our country (generalizing here) send their kids to school and have time to do certain things without the kids to take into consideration. Even with my flylady method I still find messes, unplanned meals, laundry, etc. because I’m teaching my kids and they don’t leave for extended periods of time to do some the things I would like to get to.
I’m reminded by some wiser women that I know that this time is fleeting, so enjoy it while you can. They say “Someday you may wish to hear the clatter of kids in the house and have messes to clean, but no one is there to do either”.
HTH, and blessings to you and your family.
I agree with all that has been said. I actually still use that old fashioned standby, main wash on Monday, iron on Tuesday, baking Wedneday, sewing Thursday etc. I also have a menu plan (a 14 day stretch at a time) and when I cook I also make enough to freeze a portion for another time, you will be suprised how many meals you can freeze if you do that for a few weeks. I am sadly not a person who likes to have a whole day cooking to fill my freezer, but this little method works for me. I only dig into the freezer on those days when I have no choice or when something needs eating before it spoils. I use the crockpot for many meals, and that is a huge timesaver. I also bake cakes and bread and always make enough to freeze. Now my teens are older it is easier – but when they were little it was much harder – I get into the Word before bed each night – I don’t find myself a morning person, and if I try and read the Bible or a devotional then, I just don’t take it in. Prior to bed I find it relaxes me and gives me a more peaceful mind for sleep. But I will 100% agree with My3Boys, you only have littles once, have fun, relax and if sometimes things are not as tidy as they could be, don’t worry – the children are more important. As soon as they are able start having them take responsibility for little chores, then it becomes a habit, and eventually once they know what to do, it will really help you. More important still is making time for your husband, ask him if he can come up with some ideas to make your day better so that you both can enjoy some time together, try and have at least one evening where you can spend a nice time together. It is harder when they are small to have energy and romance in your heart – but it does get better. I remember times I was overwhelmed when our twins were little, they were premies and needed an awful lot of attention…it was hard then to get it all done and have quality time with my hubby, we really had to make a big effort and that sometimes is hard as well – don’t fall into that rut, where it is easier to ignore each others needs – God and your hubby must come first, and then the children, and then the house etc. Bookworm mentioned getting the children to rest for an hour each afternoon, that is a great idea, if they are too old to sleep, they can play quietly, tell them mommy has to have a little time to do some things, that habit will also take if it is consistent, then like she says, you can get some things done. I wish you joy with your children and peace in your heart.
What helps me keep up with housework is to follow a loose weekly schedule of what days I’ll do certain chores.
Monday: thorough cleaning of bathrooms (We have 3), vaccuum/dust* and mop 1st floor, 2 loads of laundry*
Tuesday: dust/Vacuum upstairs
Wednesday: Grocery list/meal plan/clean out and wipe down fridge. I have a cookbook that holds most of my meals that we cook regularly. I stick with the same meals most days but add 2 new recipes (or ones we havent done in a few weeks) 2 days per week. ie Mon/Tue new recipes, Wed leftovers, Thurs chicken, Fri fish, Sat/Sun tacos/leftover tacos. I plan meal plans/grocery list while children are playing outside. I take my paper out and write it down or write indoors then go out with the girls.
Thursday: laundry, quick bathroom cleanup, vacuum kitchen and hallway rugs, lving room if needed, mop kitchen
Friday 1 or 2 loads of laundry
Saturday REST
Sunday laundry
* we do on avg 5 to 6 loads of laundry which includes bath towels, dish towels/washcloths, 2 loads of whites, colors, bed sheets, and gentle cycle. So I spread it out over the week. When the basket fills up I throw it in.
*dusting is usually once per month.
My bible time is during the girls 2 hr nap/rest time. I rest a bit, then up for chores. I read the bible again at 10 then bed by 11. I don’t get up til 7 a.m.
I have daughters ages 7, 5, and 2 and they helped with chores.
Our daily school schedule consists of exercise (for me), dress, eat, teeth, make beds, school work from 9:30-11:30, outside play time/1 chore, lunch, books, rest, finish chores for the day, supper, baths, play, books, bed, then finish up sweeping/mopping the kitchen.
I plan the school schedule every Fri/Sat evening.
I don’t socialize too much outside of church/homeschooling co-ops so most of my days are devoted to home. 🙂 If I do get together with a friend it may be one or two lunch dates per month during chore time. Just make up for chorse in afternoon/eve.
I cannot be out 6 hrs and not get my housework done but the girls can stay out an hour at a time while I quickly clean. I also have them help me for 15 mins time chunks and we are spending time together! I also like to work outside in the yard and have them work along side me. Just include your little ones with you even if they are sitting and watching, playing, or looking at books or playing in the dirt if outside.
Just do your cleaning in small bits of 20-30 mins (I take an hour chunk at a time). You can get a lot of cleaning done in 20-30 mins!
Tara
A great resource for me was Managers of their homes. They also have a homeschool and a chore book. It helped me get an idea for how to break down my day. I have a chore chart on the wall, a weekly school schedule (used the one from here undetailed just subjects), and a daily schedule.
We almost never follow this perfectly but I feel it gives me direction.
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I agree with Michelle on the nap time/rest time. I use the hour and a half everyday to do what I have to do. That is a must around here and I live for it. They know what they are to do and what they can’t do. Also that mom is off limits.
I also make a monthly food chart and stick to it. We eat the same types of things for breakfast & lunch daily and I’ll throw in a suprise every once in awhile. Then there is also the winter/summer switch with foods. Dinners are based on Sun. is pizza night, Mon. meatless, Tues. turkey, Wed chicken, Thurs eggs, Fri, fish and Sat beef. I have our families favorite 4 of each (one for each monday figuring 4 mondays in a month) and then if I find a new dish I will switch it up with something new. I grocery shop every week and it takes us about 45 min – 1hr to get through there I have my list and stick to it. ( I need to we eat a lot of produce and for our budget).
Clean up around here is this.. kids have daily morning chores, and they are responsible for each meal clean up. They make breakfast (which gives me time with the 1yr old to get her up and dressed). Lunch is who ever can and dinner is usually on me. But as someone said if it can go into a crockpot it’s my favorite. Then there’s the quick after dinner clean up. Ok.. so I have one thing going for me. Every 2 weeks we have someone come in and do a what I call a “real deep clean”. So we don’t have to do any washing of floors usually. Though the opposite Fridays the boys clean all 4 bathrooms, Thurs is the bedrooms day, Wed is trash/recyling and lightswitches/door knobs, tues is living areas and Mon is cleaning out the truck/vacuuming and coats, shoes etc areas. Everyone helps. If I have an area that needs to be tackled harder I plan for it and try and either do it on my nap time or on a Sat or Sun. when dad’s home to help with the little one.
As far as weeks plans/lessons. I do that in the summer for the entire school year. We follow the same plan all year unless something comes up.. like we are out of MUS books, and don’t have the $$ to get them now. So we are just doing the online drills which means 3 boys have to take turns using the computer.. a little switch but not a biggy. This way I know in Aug when we officially start our year what we’re doing and what books they will need when. If it works great if not like this month.. we’ll we work with what we have.
I hope that some of this helps. It’s not always perfect when you have little ones, my oldest is 11 and I have 6 children. Sometimes there are days when just getting school done and meals are all I happen to do. Well that’s a good day. That’s what God wants foro me today. Otherdays we are on it and things are getting done everywhere. Those are the hit and miss day and I have to say praise be to God. Good luck on your journey. Misty
I dont have a lot of time, so this will probably be short, but i too totally understand feeling like its hard to get out much at this age, and with so much to do inside that just takes so long with kids:)( i have 2dd, 18 month. and 4 month)…oh, and i am new here, ..i’ve been lurking on and off for several months here and exploring CM overall for about that last year! am so excited to be able to start this while the kids are still young! in the winter, my goal was only a half hour outside each day for the older one as we had snow on the ground from before christmas to just a couple days ago, it was cold and what can you really do outside that long with one so young? as in i could accomplish nothing, which is fine, but she lost interest in it before that long usually:) she really didnt like that she could hardly walk in the snow, but anyhow….in the warmer months, starting with last fall and last week, i try to do as much as i can outside with them!! as in…folding laundry, all my planning (meal planning, etc..) any reading i want to catch up on, nursing the baby, eating lunch/dinner, maybe even breakfast…cleanup is WAY EASIER outside!!) if you have wireless you could even take a computer out with you, pretty soon i can start doing yard work/gardening so that will really help increase the outside time (since obviously they are both far too young to be outside by themselves) because, as you say, you have to get something done during the day and with little ones it is HARD to do it anyway, let alone with 4-6 hrs. outside..though honestly my goals for this year will be starting with 1-2 hrs. and slowly working our way up there if ican….now i still do stuff outside with them too, or take a break from ‘accomplishing something’ to look at something interesting etc… and we go ‘exploring’etc, but i think the easiest way to spend a lot of time outside with young ones is when mom can get something done too, and it is good for my dd18month to explore by herself too….hope this is helpful!
oh, and i should have mentioned, where better to have a devotional time than out in God’s beautiful creation?? with your children exploring nearby perhaps!:)
Just wanted you all to know that this post has been really helpful for me. I am a recovering perfectionist, so it helps to be reminded that things are usually never perfect with little ones.
I have another scenario that might fall into the category of feeling overwhelmed by everything: my dh works two jobs, and is only home for a couple of hours each day. Then he’s usually home all day on Saturdays and Sundays, which makes me really look forward to the weekend. Anyway, around 4:00 every afternoon, I get grouchy. I don’t know what triggers it, but something happens and it’s all I can do to keep patience and gentleness at the forefront of my mind. Kids are asking 28 different questions and it’s “Mommy this” and “Mommy that” and I feel like I just need to scream.
I’ve really been seeking God about this because I know it’s not from Him. I know that He has given me a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. I was just wondering if any of you ever have those times, and if so, how do you handle them?
Lindsey
Hey Lindsey
I know what that is like… I notice that type of thing, especially when the day had gone well…
Just a thought – maybe your blood sugar is getting a little low? maybe you need a little snack before that time???
My nephew when he was very young was a wonderful little boy…. except at times he would be a grouchy really hard to manage kid. At times it seemed like someone had flicked a switch. My sister (after a while) figured out what was going on, and he learned to have an apple or some other snack before that switch got flipped, and it made things so much better.
If it isn’t a blood sugar thing – maybe you can implement a quiet time for a while at about 3:30 to give you a break before your worst time???
Hi Lindsey! You are crabby b/c it is 4pm. Plain and simple. My husband works a lot too so I can stay home and we have a spec. needs daughter with private school tuition and medical bills so I understand being the main source for all kid needs. I don’t know the ages of your kids or how you feel about tv, but for me, 4 pm is tv time. They are not allowed to watch it at all during the day and I am very picky about what they do watch, but it is a treat for them as well as for me. I try to have that time be for me to do nothing, like sit on the couch with some tea and a magazine, but mostly I sit on the couch with some tea and clip coupons or respond to email, but I try to have it be very low key. The kids don’t usually bug me b/c they are so happy to finally be allowed tv time. If you don’t do tv you could try that time to be whatever is special to them, cds, certain toys, outside. No those attitudes are not from God, but we are human too and our physical bodies get drained. I would find some kid time, grab some M&Ms (you know the ones hiding in the back of the pantry!), and a magazine and try to recharge before your husband gets home and dinner/baths/bedtime needs to get done You are not alone!
You all are so understanding! This is probably the only place outside my own thoughts where I’m able to admit something like that and not feel judged or condemned.
suzukimom, I will try having a snack around 3:00 or so and see if that helps. It doesn’t happen every single day, but I don’t have an afternoon snack like the kids do. Maybe that’s just what I need.
lguerink, my kids are 6 and 4. I’m not totally opposed to tv, although we don’t have any kind of cable or satellite. Our tv is for watching movies and math-u-see only. ha! I don’t mind trying it a couple of days a week though. And, if it were 4:00 and my husband were going to be home at 5, I would be rejoicing, not grumpy. That’s the problem…he’s gone to work until 10 or 11 four nights out of the week. I think I get grouchy because I know that another night alone with all the responsibilities are just beginning for me. I don’t get to share those responsibilities when the clock strikes 5.
Please keep our family in your prayers. My husband has been searching for a full-time job that can meet our needs for over 2 years now. He’s had 2 part-time jobs for that long. It’s been rough, but I do praise God for providing so that I can stay at home. That’s such a blessing!
Here is my ‘how-to’ on organizing lists. I learned about making a ‘Household Notebook’ from http://www.organizedhome.com. (They have lots of free printables and extra advice on their website.) Basically, it is just a 3 ring binder with plastic, tabbed dividers that holds all of your household info. It is a place to organize all of your lists and household info in one place. I buy plastic dividers with a pocket in them. I store some things in the pocket and some things behind the tab. Everyone’s notebook will look different based on what things you have in your life. Here is what mine looks like:
– To-Do
-Weekly To-Do List is behind tab
-Master To Do list is in pocket of divider
-Shopping lists
– I make one tab for each store that I visit on a weekly basis.
-I have one tab that says ‘other errands’ for the stores I go to infrequently.
-When I think of an item, I go to the tab and write it down.
-I have a pre-printed list of Aldi with items listed in order of the store. I just highlight the item needed.
-Menu
-I have a page for the week’s menu behind the divider.
-I keep the recipes to make those meals in the pocket.
-I keep a master menu in the pocket. It lists all of our favorite meals sorted by meat.
-Chore lists for kids
-I have a tab for each child. There is a list of daily chores behind their tab.
-Their weekly chores are in the pocket.
-My 6yo has a picture chore list that I made with clipart.
-Ex: a picture of a bed means he has to make his bed.
-Church
-I put notes from church in here. (Power Verses, Flyers for activities, etc.)
-School
-We attend a homeschool academy once/week. I put notes, flyers, etc. here.
-Gifts
– I have blank paper behind this tab. I write down gift ideas for birthdays, Christmas, etc.
-Personal Data
-I keep info that I use frequently in here- height, weight, DOB, clothings sizes, etc.
-Coupons and Sales
-coupons and sales flyers
–Emergency Info
-doctors, poison control, emergency contacts for babysitters, etc.
-Cleaning
-I keep a weekly cleaning list behind this tab. (Just the basics!!)
-I keep a list of homemade cleaning recipes in the pocket.
These are my categories, but check out the website for other ideas. This binder is always on my kitchen counter. After my Bible, it is the most important book in my house! I use it constantly!
Happy Organizing!
Jennifer
Oh Lindsey, how I understand. My husband’s job is normal now, but he worked a continous 12 hour night shift for many years and during the birth of our first two kids. He slept all day and how I got so grumpy that I was “stuck” doing all the work while he got to sleep (of course he was working all night to feed us but whatever). Another thing I did then and do now, is put the kids to bed an hour before I expect them to go to sleep. I figure I am with them 12 hours a day, they can hang out in their beds with books or a doll or talking with each other quietly. It isn’t like I am at work all day away from them and then come home and put them to bed an hour early so I can have free time. After they are in bed, I try to use that hour for me without working-again with the M&M’s or a book or a bath. Then I feel ready to do something for the rest of the night like finishing laundry or getting ready for the next day. It takes a long time to find a good balance, but all my girlfriends deal with this too. We love our kids, want them with us all day long, and yet there is always a witching hour when being nice all day catches up to us. Try a few ideas but again you are not alone!
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