Attention, focus & Multi-tasking

Are you my twin?!!  I wish I had grand advice to give you as to how I overcame, but unfortunately I don’t because I haven’t overcome.  One thing that has helped me, though, is once I chose CM I didn’t allow myself to research anything anymore.  In fact I haven’t allowed myself to even look at the catalogs that come to my house.  There have been times that I wouldn’t even read a homeschool magazine because I was afraid I would become distracted again.  Also, getting rid of clutter.  I know some people who work/think fine in a room that is full of it, but I know me…I can’t.  So I try to set myself up for success by keeping our school area as clutter free as possible (and the rest of the house too, but we are a work in progress.)

Having a schedule used to be of great help, but we’ve had a hard time sticking to one this school year ( many changes have taken place for us in the last 18 months)–

As far as interruptions go (phone calls, errands for hubby, etc.)-I’d love someone’s advice too. 

Above all, pray and then be still and listen.  God will quiet our hearts and minds if we allow him.

I would love to know about the dh phone calls also.  Mine just likes to call anytime to tell me what’s going on or what’s happened in his day (he self employeed and works alone).  This is ok if it’s snack time or something like that but once he calls the kids all loose there focus and it’s hard to get it back.

I also had to stop myself from doing to much at once.  I am a neat freak, and a busy body.  No computer during school time ( I mean really what will happen in that 4 hr hours?? LOL I had to tell myself this).  Don’t answer unless its’ dh or my mom (and sometimes not even here) calling. 

Rock dumping is great fun for the kids.  Let them watch how the truck lifts up, how the driver has to do and be very careful, how the noise of the rocks sounds crashing against eachother.  This is a great time for them. 

What also helps for me is if I really start to get overwhelmed I will take like a Thur/Fri and say NO SCHOOL and get them busy or occupied or helping if they can and I will catch up on what I “feel” needs to be done so that Monday I can focus on what’s important my children.  Also, a day like yesterday where at 10 we just left and met some friends at the park and played.  This was great for everyone including me!

And go to bed.  If you don’t get good sleep they will feel this stress and react from it.  Good luck and best wishes Misty

We must have all been separated at birth!!!!  I feel as if you’re telling my story again and again.  I struggle with these things too.  I am very easily distracted.  Here are some things that help.

First Mary, I think you may want to work on getting your hours turned around.  This was a HUGE help to me.  I too was looking forward to the end of the day and would stay up way too late.  Sometimes it was to spend time with my hubby, others to research whatever on the computer, others to sew.  12:00, 1:00 would come, and then I couldn’t get up in the morning.  This has a domino effect, because then the children are getting to bed late too; and that irritates my wonderful husband a lot.

Once I got used to getting up early(6-6:30) , my days seem much more productive.  Now this means I can’t make it past 10:00, but that is ok.  You would be surprised how much more you can get done in a day just by getting up a bit earlier.  Our school days seem to go better too. 

Please do not beat yourself up too much on interupptions…after all, if they were in a traditional school system; there would be LOTS of distractions.  You cannot stop life from going on.  You are a domestic church, and life will still happen. 

With that being said, it is good to take a long hard look at ourselves and always, by the grace of God; improve.

One thing that sticks out here is that we only use our cell phones now for phone communication.  It never failed; we were always getting phone calls during school hours in the mornings.  Usually marketing calls.  Even if we didn’t answer, we had to stop what we were doing, let the phone finish ringing, let the answering machine go through its deal, and then let the recording play out.  By the time that was all done, we kind of lost some momentum.

Well, we do not have the house phone line anymore, and it is so quiet; and I have four  screaming kiddos:)

Also, this has been mentioned already; but I can say it deserves mentioning again; you must de-clutter.  We have been doing this process for months; and I am finally feeling some peace.  We had sooooo much stuff, and still do.  It is a never ending battle.  I want to live simply, but I am just as guilty as others at buying on whim.  So, we have taken many things to Good Will and minimized other things; and it is so much easier to keep the house clean.  It doesn’t eat up my every free minute.

Hopefully these things will help Mary.  Let us know how its going.  May the peace of Jesus Christ, which passes all understanding be with you.

Mary, Thanks for starting this thread, I struggle with these same things also, I must say it is somewhat relieving to know I’m not the only one! It does sound like habit training would be the most helpful. Here’s a couple of other things I’ve found work for us, they are routines/habits to build into a day (not my ideas – I wish I was so smart, but from FlyLady and my stepmom also):

Try laying out your clothes the night before, everything even down to underwear & socks! At first I thought this was too juvenille for an adult to do, but honestly it actually has been tremendously helpful in getting my mornings going. It saves all that decision making, and I’ve found that I can get dressed this way without being fully awake 🙂

If possible, aim to get up 15 minutes to half hour in the morning before the kids. This and going to bed at a decent hour have made the biggest difference for me! I really enjoy those first few moments to brush my teeth in peace, get dressed etc. without kids asking for breakfast and help with stubborn jean snaps. When our morning starts with mom dressed and NOT frazzled the whole day goes better! Sometimes my kids wake up before I’m ready but I’ve been teaching them that they need to stay in their beds quiet (usually with a book) until it’s time to get up, exceptions being for the potty. So far it works for us. (For example, I try to be up around 7:00 and my kids are learning they can get up at 7:30, but must be quiet in their beds if they wake up before then. My five year old has this down pretty well, the younger one is learning. Only downside is the 5 year old wants to sometimes “just play or just read” in his pajamas and not get dressed for breakfast).

Consider starting an what FlyLady calls an “Afternoon Routine” this is, if I remember correctly, intended for working parents and kids in school. However, I’ve found that when I actually do this it is just as helpful for stay at home moms! It seems that for me having a “cutoff” time, helps the day not to turn suddenly into night with no dinner! This might especially help with clutter and picking up. In a nutshell, if you’re already at home that you pick an actual time (instead of starting right when you get back from work) I’ve haven’t done this consitently lately, but when I do here’s what it looks like- I start at 4:00. 

Clean up and put away from whatever we were doing
Go outside to feed our animals in the barn
I get the mail and sort it (if it hasn’t been done yet)
Put away anything extra that has piled up on the kitchen counter during the day (FlyLady calls these areas that tend to attract clutter “hot spots”)

Set dinner table
Start dinner
Put on some nice music, and if necessary give the kids something to do while dinner is cooking. I don’t need to do this really anymore since they are older. But does help little ones to have something. My husband has the kids pick up their toys before they come to the dinner table. I often forget to have them do this! But makes a difference as our dining room is actually part of the living room. And that’s it -the afternoon routine is done by dinnertime. It could be a simple as you want it to be, maybe it’s just a 4:00 “everybody pick up” time, or pick up and put away as much as you can in  5 minutes. Or something of that nature, but maybe a designated pick up time earlier in the evening would help???

When my oldest couldn’t find his shoes because he’d left them outside yesterday I realized I need to start training my kids to include picking up after themselves during the day. I think it would help if I taught them to put away one type of toy before they got out the next, the clutter level would go down. Also, we spend way to much time looking for coats and shoes.

Have you tried a calendar? I was never able to find one that worked until my stepmom helped me. She helped me indentify what I needed (portable, with the months like a regular calendar, but also each week spread out over two pages with lines to write on each day. I never could fit what i needed to in those tiny boxes and was always losing my “to do” lists. Now the calendar and to do lists are all in one place.) Also, my stepmom suggested I limit what I put down on my “to do” list to 6 items. (Not counting the daily things like meals, dishes, laundry) She then said to prioritze these six items. So if only 1 thing gets done, I know it’s the most important thing. Some days all six get done, some days only 2 or 3, but then they can be moved to the next day. This has been my start to not being so sidetracked. I also tend to expect way to much of myself and assume I can get much more done than I really have time for. Also, another tip from her, is to not try to remember everything as that is the calendar’s job. Whatever is on the calendar is one less thing I have to remember! Sometimes when I’m thinking ahead about something, I’ll flip ahead to the approriate month and make a note to remind myself. (I made a note to plan Easter dinner menu, as it was my turn to host, a couple weeks before Easter this year when I thought about it in early March, and when that day rolled around a couple weeks before Easter, I planned the menu – amazing! No last minute panic on my part.) 

I hope something here is of some help to you. As you mentioned in your post, my mind is always going as well. I have yet to find a good solution for this, aside from writing things down. I wish I could just turn it off sometimes! So if anyone else has any suggestions….

Oh, you gotta love those crazy little thoughts that just pop out of your mouth when your kids are working. I do this all the time esp with my older 2. The only two things I’ve found that help me are to either have them in a totally different room (I do keep an ear on them if necessary) or to be working on something that requires my brain so it’s occupied and less likely to wander and “spout”.

I agree that serving your DH was the right thing to do. It does teach your children that he is important and worth time and respect. Plus, watching the rocks being dumped-what could be more fun. We’ve stopped to watch a snowplow in the street in front of our house, to watch a fire engine drive by, to watch construction trucks when houses were being built in our neighborhood, to watch oil rigs pull oil from the field a few houses away. I figure it’s all worth it! You can always find something to teach them with things like that. Plus aren’t the memories an important part of homeschooling too?

As far as your comment about approach and curriculum not being the problem, I do need to extend a note of caution. I do agree with the CM way not being the issue. BUT there are many CM type curriculums and not all of them will work for all people so sometimes it is the “curriculum”. For me, I know that I don’t do well if there is a Monday thru Friday (or even Thursday) schedule. It stresses me out too much when we miss a day due to an appt or a sickness. So something that has a structure to follow without needing to be done on certain days or weeks works best (yes, I know I could get rid of the day markers but even that stresses me out).On the other hand, I have a friend who doesn’t do well with schedules for a different reason. She goes on lots of “rabbit trails” with her kids as their interests dictate. Her kids know an amazing amount of stuff about an amazing amount of things but when she tries the schedules made by another company they don’t do as well and frustration ensues. All that to say that, yes, sometimes it is the curriculum. Since your oldest is 12, I’m sure you’ve had some experience with different things and can say what parts of the curriculums you tried worked and what didn’t. You may also want to ask your kids (esp the two oldest) what they think works best for your family and schooling. Kids are amazingly insightful about these things. Or ask a close friend as frequently they can see things you miss based on what you’ve shared with them.

Lists: I started making a to-do list with two sides. One is the “I want to get done today side” (like the idea of limiting it to 6). The other side is blank for writing down those things that pop into my mind. That way when I make my next to do list, everything is right there : ). I also keep a calendar on the wall in my kitchen (next to the to do list) and another one in my purse so I can make appointments when I’m actually at the dr office or where ever. I just transfer everything once a week during my weekly plan time (usually Sunday night for about 10 minutes : ).

I love that idea Esby!  I’ll start.  (It’s a blunder)    I told myself I wasn’t going to get on the computer (besides the SCM scheduler for our lessons) until AFTER  school and chores were done…but here I am……checking in.  And, I also checked my email……>sigh<

Although I am not a master of anything in particular, I wanted to add that the method I use for keeping the house, myself, homeschool, etc. in order as much as possible is found at http://www.flylady.net.  The method is based on Habits.  Basically, one habit at a time will help you to *feel* productive and you will immediately *see* results.  You are encouraged to do what you can, but with no added guilt, like anyone needs that anyway:)

The *habits* I started/labeled 6 years ago are still in place today.  Is it perfect? No, but nothing is. 

Blessings, my3boys