Are we all too busy for one another?

stephw2 – First, with whom are you going to Haiti? I just wondered, because I have missionary friends who are taking a group this month.

I understand where you are coming from about relationships. A homeschool friend and I have discussed many times about how people in our homeschool group don’t even get involved in the group’s activities. That isn’t so much about close friendships, but about having fellowship on occasion outside the home, but in the homeschool realm. I have 3 grown children. When they were homeschooling, we had many families involved in our group’s activities, so, as a result, we planned many activities. My kids really enjoyed getting together with other kids. Now, the people just don’t get involved, so the past couple of years, our group has planned little, because we just couldn’t get people interested in coming to activities. It seems to be picking up, for which I am thankful. I have a 10yo dd who loves to spend time with other kids. Since there are no young ones at home other than her, we need that outlet. I can’t really explain it, but things have really changed since homeschooling my older kids. It’s sort of like the idea of family reunions. Big family reunions are dying off. That was an important event for families years ago, but the younger generation does not see the need, or they are just too busy. We have become a busy people. Priorities are in a different order. I’m not talking about those with farms that can’t socialize often. I’m just talking in general.

We are reading the Little House books. I often think about how years ago the people in a community would always be helping one another in building, planting, etc. Neighbors would visit each other. Now, it seems only the Amish(Mennonite) do that anymore. America has become all about money/prestige…working to have ‘things’ or to be promoted, or wanting their kids to be on top academically or the best in sports. Sports and other activities are taking Christians away from church and fellowship there. We are forgetting what should be important. I know there needs to be a priority when it comes to having earthly friendships, like a pp said that our dh should be our best friend, and our families should be our priority. The Bible tells us what is going to happen to relationships in the last days. I think that is what we are seeing. We need to get back to what is most important. Many have used the acrostic for JOY…(J)esus 1st, (O)thers 2nd, (Y)ourself last. Aside from our daily responsibilities in our families, who or what are we living for?

I so identify with the things you all are saying. We are reading “Little House on the Prarie” right now, & it just makes my heart yearn for not only connection with the community (albeit a tiny, spread out one for them) but simplicity. Not that I’m prepared to take off from the metro area in which I live to start farming…think I might die if I had to kill my own food or something that was trying to eat my food lol. I’m way too much of a suburbanite  When my ex-husband walked out years ago, I was especially in need of connection beyond, “how are you doing?”…I needed people to engage in my life by coming to help me around the house, with the children & to talk. Yet only my family & my best friend were there for me…not that I’m complaining b/c that was a blessing. I had been involved in my church & there was little reaching out. I had a newborn & was emotionally distraught or perhaps the key would’ve been me reaching out to others through service/ministry. However, even now, I find that I’m desperate for connection & about the only people I find willing (outside of family) are people online…that’s wonderful but can’t replace the face-to-face. My best friend recently moved far away so limited to phone & text now. Oftentimes I’ve felt like I’m the only person feeling this way…lonely, wanting connection, help & to give help…but I guess not  The idea of getting together with others & jumping into one another’s lives is so appealing to me. Maybe it’s a personality trait…I don’t have much interest or motivation to do lots of things unless I can do it with someone b/c what I want is the connection, the company, the relationship. I’d love to have someone that I can get together with to help organize things in the house, make meals, clean, train the children, etc.- being able to do that for each other not just helping me lol. I think this is how the Church is supposed to function but perhaps we’ve become too fragmented…I’m not even sure of the names of most of the people in my Sunday School class despite having gone there a year. People don’t introduce themselves or engage in conversation except with those they already know…unfortunately I haven’t found this to be different in the various churches I’ve attended. As I type, I think that there has to be some way to accomplish what we are expressing. For me, I know I’m fearful of the rejection should I reach out & it go nowhere & maybe that fear just has to be pushed aside. Idk…I’m rambling a bit but that’s what I do lol. This is definitely something I’ve thought about often & wished were different. 

I am glad this post came up!  Imagine living in the fourth largest city in the nation and not having type of relationships that the OP was discussing.  My husband and I were talking about it a few days ago and I also had this discussion at the range  where my daughter shoots. I purposely do not fill up our schedule so that we can be available.  The only outside activity we have is my dd archery and that is all. 

We have recently moved about 45 minutes away from our old neighborhood and my really good friend moved about 20 minutes farther south at the same time so we are over an hour away from each other now.  she just became a grandma (exciting!) so there is less time for me (understandably so, not complaining).  I have acquaintances at church and there are many homeschoolers there, but they are all busy with lots of things. 

I agree with the pp who said that they just make friends with the people who happen to be at the park at the same time, and etc.  Sometimes that is the best we can do! 

It does make me sad, too.  I miss the days of childhood when the moms and children hung out during the day, or you went visiting on the weekends…progress is not always for the better!

I love the Christmas am brunch idea…people love to eat!

I agree with all of the above. We intentionally do not over schedule our lives. I’m always saying we need to be willing to say no to things which are good, in order to be able to say yes to things which are best.

stephw2 – My friends are from PA, so that is a different group. I guess October must be a common month for missions trip. I would love to go sometime, but waiting until my dd is a little older and can go along. Hope you have a good trip. We are told it is life-changing.

On the friendship issue, you hit the nail on the head when you said “like-minded” friends. That is where I struggle because I have an adopted dd who really needs to have close friends who are NOT going to be a negative example in her life. She is vulnerable and likes to please. She doesn’t miss anything, so if I am trying to teach her that certain things go against God’s Word, if she has friends who do/say that very thing, she is confused. Why is it okay for them, but not for me? I have one close friend who seems to be on the same page in most areas, but we don’t see each other very often because they now live 45 min. away. So, we are emailing regularly. But, that doesn’t fill the void of having friends with whom we can get together. There are 3 girls in our church I would be comfortable with my dd being with, but 2 are in a private school, and the other is homeschooled, only because they couldn’t afford to go back to private school this year. So, they are homeschooling, but basically sticking to their private school format. The homeschool families are either too far away or too busy to get together. It is very hard some days. If we have a week where we do not have outside things scheduled, my dd is very restless. She goes as far as playing with our chickens:) At least she is getting outside. I feel guilty when I let her fill time by watching TV. She does not read much independently yet, because of her dyslexia. So, I can’t say “Go read a book”. I do let her help me with certain household tasks, but there is nothing like having friends to be with. That is always the highlight of her day, if we can get together with other kids. Sorry I am rambling, but not being any help.

One thing that crossed my mind is what someone said about homeschoolers being able to form relationships with people of all ages. I think this is something I could think about doing myself. Maybe once a week, if there are not other homeschool activities or appts., we could choose an elderly person to go visit. We have many of them in our church. There is a man in our church(late 50’s) who our dd latched onto the first time she went to church with us when she was only 2. She is 10 now, and still loves that man dearly. He is going on a 2 month mission trip later this month, so we called and asked him for supper on the 12th. My older kids used to make the comment that we never have anybody over. I’ve been doing a little better since we adopted dd. But, even our schedule gets so busy that we just don’t find time to invite people to our house. I have 2 children with medical needs, so I am finding myself running to appts. a lot. But, we still need to take time to reach out to others. I would just encourage you to take the lead, and reach out to others and maybe even invite others to do something with you. If it is one-sided, which I often find, you have done your part. Maybe you will encourage others to follow your example.

A thought. Perhaps you might find a few families and ask if they’d like to have a monthly get together. Set a day/time each month. Then, ask each family to choose the month they’d like to host. If there is a month, or two that don’t get chosen, volunteer to host each of those. That’s how I started a small homeschool group that grew rather quickly over just two or three years. In the beginning, I held it in my home every month. After several months, I asked if others would please host it in their homes and had a signup sheet. Now, I MIGHT host it once a year as the other months are usually snatched up. Mind you, this is a homeschool moms monthly meeting, but it led to family get togethers, park days, field trips, and even a co-op over time. The family events that include dads are only two or three times per year, but the amount of time that we spend with others has increased enough that I have to say no to more and more events as the other families have become more acquainted and accustomed to getting together and organizing events. Someone has to start it. ;0)