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Adoption
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I know that some of you have been blessed with international adoption. I know a few people who have adopted, but most are domestic adoptions. God has been guiding our family toward this wonderful gift, and I just wanted to hear some information that would be helpful to a family who is contemplating a walk down this road. What is good to know? Are there Christian adoption agencies that you particularly like, and why? Anything you would be willing to share would be so very welcome. If for some reason you are not comfortable sharing your reply on the forum, please send a private note to me. I am willing, but somewhat scared and apprehensive about the process itself – not so much about adding another child to our family, though I know there will be adjustment for all involved.
Also, we are thinking we may go the route of adopting a child with special needs – though not profound since our home is not set up for that. So anyone who has anything to share about helping a special child adapt to a new country, a new language, and a new family would also be greatly appreciated.
Please pray for our family as we consider this.
Thank you,
~jacqleene
Our three youngest boys joined our family through international adoption (Korea), each as waiting toddlers/preschoolers with different special needs. We used Children’s Home Society of Minnesota as our placing agency, and local agencies did our homestudies. You can see many beautiful waiting children on http://www.rainbowkids.com/WC/default1.aspx ; each of our boys was listed there. We learned that boys wait much longer than girls, particularly with even a minor special need, so our hearts went out to the waiting little guys, and we love boys! We did a lot of research to determine what needs we would be comfortable with, and to make sure we had services and therapy lined up. One of our sons had a scary sounding but asymptomatic special need, and needed no therapy – but turned out to have a moderate hearing loss several years after homecoming (he wears a hearing aid and is fine). One of our sons is a bilateral amputee who wears prosthetic legs, and we prepared for the most intervention with him, but he ended up needing the least. He did PT through our school district as a preschooler, and is a wiz kid with great determination and spirit. Our youngest was a preemie who had significant speech delays, and needed several years of speech therapy.
When each boy came home, we worked to keep our homelife simple and predictable, with routines they could count on and be comforted by; eg, pizza on Fridays, church on Sundays, etc. We kept visitors to a limit the first weeks, and didn’t leave them with sitters or in the church nursery for a while, until they knew we belonged together. We watched Signing Times DVDs every night when littlest came home, to help him with his speech; the results were amazing. Attachment parenting is great for helping new children bond. I recommend The Weaver’s Craft and The Connected Child as required reading – the first helped me so much, and the latter contains everything I spent years learning and only later read. Homeschooling has been wonderful and both our son’s speech therapist and neuropsychologist commented favorably on how great this has been for our children. It keeps us together, and we can meet their different needs so much better than a school setting could.
I’d be glad to talk to you more or answer any questions; feel free to pm me if you’d like more indepth info. Blessings as you consider this journey!
Aimee
Mom to 6 great kids ages 7-20; some homegrown, some born in Korea, all born in my heart
We “twinned” our adopted son – he is only 4 months older than our oldest biological son. He came from Russia when he was 2 1/2. He didn’t speak at all, but because he had someone his size he quickly did everything his brother did and adjusted remarkably fast. He was speaking English within a few months and never seemed to struggle with the language, culture or routine. He DID have a few months of awful bedtime routines. He just screamed and screamed and screamed for hours at a time, no matter how much we read to him, sang, put on soft music. Nothing worked. You’ll find that sometimes time just has to pass.
We did like Aimee and made sure that he really connected with our family. Lots of time together, minimal outside activities and fellowshipping.
One thing to think about with special needs is that often they are said to be much worse than they really are (but sometimes it’s the opposite!). When we adopted we were told he had hydrocephalus (and would need surgery), had heart problems (and would need surgery) and had autism. Well, he doesn’t have any of those. He does have some learning disabilities but homeschooling has really helped him to work at his pace and his style and most of the time you can’t tell that he struggles with some things.
I read a bazillion adoption books before he came over, both about adoption in general and about international adoption. It helped me to visualize what it would actually be like and some of the challenges we would face.
Be prepared to spend a lot of money and jump through a million hoops. There is a lot of paperwork involved and waiting and heartache as you grow attached to a child and have to wait and wait and wait to bring them home. There are usually delays because some government agency somewhere changes something or needs something else. It can be very frustrating at times. I hand-kneaded a lot of bread during our adoption.
Heather
I am happy to share.
We used America World Adoption out of Virginia. LOVE THEM!
We have 5 children, 3 of whom God brought to us through China’s Waiting Child Program.
All 3 of our *waiting* children were born with heart disease and our two littles (also twinning them–4 months apart on paper) have CHD and cleft lip and palate among other needs (hearing, speech delay, etc.). It sounds like a lot but the needs do not define them and they are very typical in many ways.
My blog is http://roomforatleastonemore.wordpress.com
I share on there about adoption, but mostly I share on the blog at No Hands But Ours.
You can find a WEALTH of info. on there regarding China’s Waiting Child Program incl. agencies, specifics about various needs. Be sure to read the blog (I am a regular contributor on there as “Wife of the Prez”), the Family Stories Page, and of course rainbowkids (someone else mentioned this) is a good resource. There are some agencies who *shop* for clients through that site unfortunately, but if you are open to boys or girls with more moderate needs you can adopt through this program within a year.
We are so thankful we found our waiting children. They needed us and we all needed them!
Please feel free to PM me with any questions. I love to advocate for special needs adoption and to help anyone just considering it.
Oops. Here is the link to No Hands But Ours.
nohandsbutours.com
The “blog” and “Family Stories” tabs are great places to start there.
Thank you Aimee, Heather, and LDImom. I will be busy checking out sites, etc. for a while.
@Amanda – I know about it, have friends, 3 in fact, who have done this. While I am not opposed to this, my heart keeps turning to international adoption. We will continue to pray about this, though, and I am trying to remain open to whatever God has in store for us with this. 🙂
Hi bluej! We, too, are in the process. Here’s another scm post (incase you missed it) from a few months back, where others share their adoption stories. Praying for your family…
blue J,
Prayer is the best way to go. You have to go where God leads you … which for our family was China.
All of our children were living in institutions for years and needed a family.
All children, whether born in the US or another country, deserve that … a family.
Praying you feel God’s peace and that doors open and close so you know the path is His.
We adopted a sibling group of 3 from the foster care system, I will say that it was a VERY emotional journey but feel that it connected us with our children in a way I would have never imagined.
I think any sort of adoption is AWESOME!!!!! We have friends adopting from ethiopia through Bethany Christian Services. I have heard they are really good. They do domestic and international.
Praying that you and your family finds peace in the decision that is right for you.
james 1:27 A religion that is pure and stainless according to God the Father is this: to take care of orphans and widows who are suffering, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
Thank you all for your responses. Dh and I just had a discussion about this last night. We are still pondering what this means for us and checking our motivation. I don’t think our motivation is wrong; we’re just really searching our hearts to be sure we *know*. I hope that makes sense somehow.
Thank you csmama for the link. I had missed that discussion the first time through, and will be reading through it.
Amanda, I completely forgot about Bethany Christian Services. That will be another area I search through in the near term.
Thank you all so much for your prayers.
~jacqleene
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