A Big Ole Failure

My heart goes out to you.

We changed from having our kids in a private school when our oldest (son) was going into the 7th grade. It was VERY hard, especially because he really wanted to be with friends. He is athletic and loves sports so we made it work for him to play football and wrestle. Between that, our church’s small youth group and a hsing co-op he gets plenty of friend-time (in my opinion). He has finally begun to enjoy the benefits of hsing into our second year.

If there is a man who he can spend time with (from church, maybe? An uncle? A kind grandfather-type in the neighborhood who might like helping him with math?) that might be very good for him. I’m sure that the lack of a dad around adds to your struggle but many great men have been raised up who came from single-mom homes so take heart and pray for this need to be met.

Cutesy, crafty things are not important. Real life does not look like Pinterest. I suggest that you read a chapter from Proverbs with your son every day and don’t fret if you miss a day. God covers all kinds of wisdom there; trust Him.

I’d like to recommend an easy and helpful read called 10 Secrets to the Best Education for Your Child by Kevin Swanson. A friend of mine recently found it through an inter-library loan and is singing its praises after I recommended it to her. You might find encouragement there.

You are not a fsilure. You are a woman tasked with a very difficult job, and you are feeling overwhelmed. You are realizing how tough this is and are at the end of your own abilities. This is a very hard, painful place to be. It’s also an exciting place to be. God knows where you are and has a plan for you. He has the answers, but he wants you to know that they come from him not from your own strength. He made your son and loves him, he will not forsake him during this time. Pray pray pray and trust that Gid will give you answers.

I’ve got seven boys. Boys this age need a mission. They need a vision. Something bigger than themselves. They are restless and need to work toward something and work off extra energy. Pray about a task that your son can begin and do on his own. Something that will benefit him of the whole family. Pray for Godly men to come along and help you. Don’t be afraid to specifically ask someone. Ask a godly man at church if he has any work for your son. Does he know how to mow grass? Have him take over all outdoor maintenance of your home. Have him cut neighbor’s yards too. Go to them ahead of time and tell them he needs a project. Ask if he can do it as a service for a little while. Eventually, someone may pay him or he can start mowing other grasses for money.

Don’t be afraid to ask or even beg for help or opportunities for him to be around other men learning manly things. Pray like crazy and Godvwill bring an opportunity for him.

What kind of area do you live in and what are the sexes of your other children?

Well we do not do any cutesy Easter things here.  No crafts or egg hunts or anything but a church service.  That is what is important.  Just being together will help your children have great memories of their childhood.  We like to visit parks in nice weather, with a picnic.  This is not costly and nature and fresh air is good for everyone.  Many festivals are free or inexpensive.  Again, we bring our own food/drinks and picnic in the van.  Our kids know we don’t buy food at these events so they don’t expect it.  You can contact your tourism office or website for ideas of parks and festivals and historical events to attend.  There are usually small historical museums which a local historical society runs and is usually free or asks for a small donation.  They tend to have specials and festivals a few times each year to add a little more excitement.

Another mom on here recommended an old book and I really enjoyed it.  Hints on Child Training by TrumBull.  It is only 99 cents for kindle.  I plan to read it again, perhaps yearly.  One chapter is about making the sabbath special.  You may find more in it to inspire you to teach your children about God and His Word.  Read a chapter of Proverbs aloud each day of the month.  Chapter 1 on April 1, chapter 2 on April 2, etc.  I recommend a short devotional to share with all your children by Bob Schultz called Created for Work.  If you like that one, he wrote three more.

I understand how you feel….you have a lot on your plate!  I, too, am a single mom (for nearly 10 years), but there is contact with their dad.  I ended up sending my now-16yo ds to live with him two years ago in part because of what you are going through.  I have two daughters (15 & 17), and we take care of my 89yo father as well.  He is not really much of an influence to my son at this point because he has Alzheimer’s & doesn’t get out much.

I was thinking that if you are in the habit of assigning meal prep to some of your children, perhaps you could have your oldest take charge of several dinner meals during the week.  You could place him in charge of planning the meals, making a list for you of what he needs, even coming up with a week-long menu, and then preparing those meals.  Even if he doesn’t really like to cook, you could approach it by telling him he will need those skills when he is an adult.

You might even see what needs to be done around your house (painting walls & trim, minor repairs, even larger projects that wouldn’t be too much on your budget) and have him research how best to do some of those things.  You might be able to ask a neighbor or a friend’s husband to help supervise your son with such projects, or offer to make them a meal as payment for his time.

I agree with the other moms here that teenaged boys (any teenager, really) need to be busy with something constructive.

Ugh. I really don’t like the title of this post, by I get what you are feeling. I feel like I am just failing my kiddos too. Really badly.

You knew to ask for ideas, you are seeking God’s will, and you are loving your son. In the big scheme of things, you are already doing what matters most.

Forget about cutesy, crafty things. If you really need to provide that kind of outlet for your kids, just give them raw materials and let them be creative with them. Or have the older ones lead the younger ones. Have them even research a craft at the library and find the materials they need. Have them either figure out a budget or a way to do it for free with stuff you have on hand or donations from people’s recycle bins. Put an ad on craigslist that you are looking for free materials and someone will be happy to part with accumulated, unused stuff.

Not a failure. You are a work in progress. We all are, since He is not finished with us yet. Blessings for your special retreat time!