Youth Groups & Homeschooling

Hi Heather, I have twin 16 year old girls and I know exactly what you are talking about – before we moved to Illinois, we went to a church and we did allow the girls to go to the youth group for a time – I also attended as a volunteer – however after a while it became apparent that this group was more interested in worldly things than Godly things. The girls were shocked by some of the behavior and discussions the girls had at the group and though the youth leader tried to make it a Godly group, the majority of the teens took little notice. We stopped going and the girls have said, they don’t want to participate in any more youth groups. I always kept them with us during church services when they were young, I think it is a great way to teach youngsters how to behave in the Lord’s House and I never regretted that decision. They always had their little Bible notebooks to write in, or color in and they enjoyed being part of the family event.

Of course every youth group is different, and I am sure there must be some excellent ones out there. I think if your teen is desperate to try one, then go along with them to check it out and go for a while to see what the kids are like, then make a decision.

It is a minefield out there for youngsters and it is our duty I believe to protect them, however depending on the teens, some groups may be fine. Sadly the one bad experience was enough for our daughters and me. I don’t want all that we have taught them to be undermined at any group – so it pays to be watchful. I do think that it is important to have shared values with some of the people who go to church, and this was a problem with the youth group we attended, all the kids were in public school and they thought our daughters were dumb because they did not know the latest groups, or fashions, makeup etc and worst of all, the obsession with boys was beyond a joke – the girls felt very uncomfortable and as such we decided it was not for us.

I am sure others will write with more positive experiences – but my advice would be don’t just send them, go with them and check it out – a few visits will tell you all you need to know – and as for the little ones, I would keep them with you, God’s house and services are for families – I am a great believer in keeping together for these things. Just my opinion, and hope I have not offended anyone. Lindy

Sonya – what an absoultely brilliant article – and how true. It is of course for everyone to decide what is best for their own families – but I was raised in an old fashioned by today’s standards church in England where all the activities were family oriented, we were not apart from our parents and we all participated as well as we were able together. I remember singing in the choir when I was very young, having a little notebook to take my own notes in, though it was mostly scribble when I was young – I just felt like a grown up copying my parents – the church involved us little ones in everything, putting out hymn books, helping with whatever we could. I remember those days with real pleasure and I miss that these days, everything is mega these days and so impersonal. I hope everyone reads that article and gains from it. Thank you and bless you Sonya. Lindy

Heather,

Wow! Bravo for bringing up such a difficult topic. Sonya and Lindy express beautifully and graciously the position of many of my friends on this issue. I have a bit of a unique position in all of this because we also ascribe to the Charlotte Mason method and in many respects have started down the path of not doing things the way others do them. However, my husband is an Associate Pastor of Youth and Families. So… our views are a bit different.

We love Sunday School and we love youth group. We love that godly men and women are speaking truth to our children. We stay very involved in what they learn by having them narrate it back to us at home. BUT my main reason to send our children to Sunday school and youth group is less about them learning the bible. They get that from us at home. My real goal is to teach them to love others in the group… even if those people aren’t like them. I want them to be in community with all ages. We encourage friendships with the elderly people in our church as well as being kind to the babies. But we feel strongly that they need to learn how to deal with fashion crazy girls without being judgemental of them. Our heart is that they will pray for their friends and encourage them as with all the “one another” verses in the Bible. We remind them that someone always feels left out, even when they’re grown-ups. So, God-willing, they will look to meet the needs of others, not just build little kingdoms for themselves (as is all of our tendencies). 🙂 Is this difficult? Sure. Will my children fail and get self-righteous or start to look like their friends? Maybe. Probably. But this is the real heart stuff of life and where better to find these tendencies out than with us, as their parents participating in youth groups and having real relationships with them at home.

So… that’s my .02 worth. I believe each of you know your children’s hearts and what is best for them, and we trust God to lead as He sees fit. I have dear friends in my church who don’t send their kids to our youth group. I think the key to all of this, as Sonya said in her post, is dealing with others in love. Praying and seeking to uphold the unity of the church, not all of us doing the same actions, but all of us loving the same God.

Blessings,

jen

Heather..

Hi! Blessings to you for bringing up this topic. I have actually wanted to bring this up as well, but hesitated! Glad you didn’t though! We, as a christian CM homeschooling family, have had the SAME concerns. My husband and I have visited church after church, and we have always bumped into similar issues. We are still in limbo, and have continually been praying for God to lead us to a church where we can grow in Christ TOGETHER! I also appreciate and enjoyed reading Lindy’s response. That is wonderful advice. And Sonya’s article says it all. This is comforting to know that other families do have the same values and concerns that we do. We now know we are not alone! This is such an encouraging forum! I am glad you brought this up! It’s too bad we don’t all live close together and could form our own “family” style church to worship together in! All we can do is continue to pray and certainly in time, God will lead the way! He always does!

Christie

Thank you so much Wendi…I will definately check that site out…and that book!

You’re welcome…I hope the information does help you.

Our family attends a traditional church with Childrens Church and we have always had problems with our children separating from us as babies – so I’ve spent a lot of time in our Church nursery – the nursery workers would always say it was ok for me to leave (when it wasn’t my week in nursery), they don’t mind crying babies – but it just didn’t feel right to me. Last fall it was time for our oldest to start attending Childrens Church and I went with him on the first Sunday – and decided that I would rather him come in the service with us. I do not mean any disrespect to childrens ministry workers – we have volunteered in our Church’s childrens ministry since before having children, I know that the volunteers love the children – we just decided that we felt that we would rather our children remain with us during worship time. It was shortly after this that we began hearing about family-integrated churches – and then we picked up Voddie’s book (Family Driven Faith) and then we heard him speak at a nearby curriculum fair…it was very comforting to us to realize that our convictions about our children remaining with us were not so far out there.

I realize that this may not be a choice that all parents will make but I do believe that God used our individual family dynamics to bring us to the decision to keep our children with us. All three of our children (ages 6,5, 4.5 & almost 2) attend worship with us. The older two participate in singing and prayer time and read or color quietly during the sermon. The almost two year old usually falls asleep – if he’s not quiet one of us takes him to the chuch foyer and listens to the sermon via headphones.

Blessings , Wendi