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Would you tattle? Should you tattle?
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It has recently been brought to my attention that some homeschoolers in my area have started feeling the need to “rat out” other homeschoolers who they are concerned are not giving a good enough or proper education to their families. When I say “rat out” I do not mean gossip, I mean talk to child services or a school board, etc. about the perceived problem.
Now, I personally, have a problem with this. First of all, it is not biblical from my understanding of scripture (but you may have a different take on this). I thought that if we had a problem with someone then we should go directly to that person to work things out face to face and in an open and honest way. It may be intimidating to do so, but it does seem sort of sneaky and underhanded to go tattle on them to the authorities before even talking to the family themselves!
Secondly, on a bit of a deeper level, it is not scriptural because if we see someone struggling in an area of importance in their life, we should HELP. We should support, and encourage and try to come up with a way that these people might live up to the goals that they had when they started down this road. This does not apply only to homeschooling, but to a lot of areas of Christian life.
Third, but potentially scariest (depending on your point of view). Doing things like this puts ALL homeschoolers in a bad light because these types of stories are usually the ones that get public attention. I am not so idealistic as to think that just because someone is a homeschooler that they are GOOD homeschoolers (or even good parents, necessarily) but you very rarely see the stories in the media of homeschoolers who are doing well, getting a top notch education, who are balanced and thriving. No, usually it is the ones who are on trial or who are accused of neglect in some way, etc. This then plays a big part in the public’s perception of homeschooling at large. This can translate into laws and restrictions and a lot of the freedoms of homeschoolers being challenged. To me, this is a BAD thing and should be gaurded against.
So, after all that, I just have to ask…would you tattle? If you were concerned about a homeschooling family in your area would you feel that the best way to handle the situation was to report them to the authorities? I ask out of pure curiosity. But I must tell you, this certainly has made me a lot more hesitant to share my struggles with people in my homeschooling community! And that is a shame because I thought I had joined the group for support!
Sincerely,
Miranda
Miranda, I think you are right on. With the possible exception of a child in immediate and actual danger, I think going directly to authorities is a huge mistake. You’re right–I’d offer to help the parents or help them find more resources long before I’d do anything else, if I would ever do it at all. Since I don’t really consider myself the “homeschooling police” I think I’d hesitate to ever take the initiative to discuss a family with legal authorities about homeschooling issues. It’s too bad, the families that don’t do much, but the last time I checked nobody died and made me the queen. If trying to talk to parents and offer help didn’t do much, and the children are not in actual danger, I’m not sure there’s much left to do but pray.
Personally, I would not go to CPS or any other organization for what I percieve as “bad” homeschoolers. I/we really have no idea what people are/are not doing in the privacy of their own homes (okay, I guess if you actually lived with them you might, but still). I also think that as much as I feel that I’m doing as good a job as I can there could be others that would think that I’m not doing all that great. If someone were to critique my homeschool, especially if I asked them to, and then give advice, that’s one thing, but if I didn’t even ask and someone thought they needed to do my kids a favor…I’d be devastated.
Now, if it were presented in true love, concern and done in the just the right way and if there really was “just cause” then maybe the family would see where they could step it up a notch, but to call on outsiders first is wrong, imho.
I agree with Bookworm. With the exception of actual abuse going on, I would never, ever report to child services or anyone else until I talk with them personally. I hope those families are with HSLDA!!!
Oh, wait a minute….I said, “just cause” then sent my post. I really don’t think it is anyone else’s business to critique other homeschools. What I meant to say is this…If others really felt that they should say something because they really see a lack then I guess you could say something TO THEM, not authorities. Even still, each homeschooler has a right to homeschool within the law of their own state and are accountable to their children and the Lord (not other homeschoolers). And, how people choose to homeschool is so vast I don’t even know how you could determine that people are or aren’t doing whatever you/we think they should be doing. Okay, I guess you can sometimes tell, but still…children are so different and learn at such different speeds, it can be hard to tell.
I just had to clarify that I feel that others should go to the person(s) not authorities if they really felt the need.
The problem w/ going to CPS at all is the bottom line: Your default is “the government shouldultimately handle our personal problems”. If my neighbor wants to teach her kids math or not doesn’t matter one iota to me. That’s the parents’ choice.
Well, I must say, I am relieved at the responses so far! However, I think I still feel the need to be careful who I share my struggles with, even in my own, small homeschooling group! It does make me a little sad, to tell the truth.
-Miranda
The only time I would ever go to the authorities is as Bookworm said, if someone was in danger and I knew that – I would do that with anyone not just homeschoolers. I don’t think it is for us to judge the methods people use, or if we think they are doing it right – I would hate people to judge any of us on that. Of course there are negligent parents and some who perhaps do not do a great job of homeschooling – but as long as no abuse is involved or danger, then I would leave it alone. Linda
I meant to say, we have all struggled at one time or another and it is sad that you don’t feel safe voicing your concerns to your group – but if they are the way you say, then maybe you need to be cautious. I do think you would be safe on this forum – we may not always agree with one another, but we all support each others right to homeschool and to homeschool in the way that God is leading us and in the way that works for us as families. I hope you will be comfortable on this forum, there are lovley women and men here who understand the struggles and the hard task it is to school a child and who will not judge – maybe occasionally disagree as I said with a method, but not judge and report you. Blessings Linda
Miranda,
I would ditto Bookworm and others above. Short of abuse, most things can be handled better and more effectively without the intrusive nature of the government.
I serve as on the board of directors for the Florida Parent-Educators Association, the largest group of homeschoolers in our state. I would want to know if this was occurring in my district or the state so that I could speak out and encourage the homeschoolers to handle this more effectively and more appropriately to mind their own business when it’s not a matter of safety. Please contact your state’s homeschooling association, if you have one, to make them aware. Perhaps they can help educate people about the dangers of doing this.
Blessings,
Christie
Agreeing w/ others that unless there is abuse, this is not something to report. Frustrating regardless, but they are the parents. We all need to be fighting for our freedoms to do our “jobs” as parents, which will also include our freedom to hs.
As for sharing, it’s hard when there isn’t support around you for help and direction or just a listening ear. My group of friends online, many whom I’ve never met, have been my biggest supporters and prayer warriors. W/out that wonderful group of ladies, I know I never would have made it through the first 5 yrs of my hsing adventure, even w/ some personal issues. Well, maybe I would have, but it would have been very, very different.
Is there a section on here for general discussions that aren’t related to hsing? (I’m new and still finding my way around.)
K
Hi Kerby, you are in the area where we discuss lots of things not to do with homeschooling. Mom’s Porch is a heading to post things that we wish to discuss that may be not about homeschooling….welcome by the way – look forward to hearing from you. Linda
Miranda, I don’t blame you for being tightlipped about any struggles you may have, in fact I think I’d go so far as to drop off the radar of any of these “tattlers” by leaving groups they are a part of – busybodies like that can’t be trusted and I don’t think you can change their minds very often. Of course I’m super paranoid about CPS/DYFS. They seem to take kids away first and then ask questions later (and never really care what your answer is). This forum can be a great encouragement for you though – it’s a safe place to share a variety of different struggles and get GREAT input as well as prayer support.
Rebekah
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