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Why isn't it what I thought it would be?
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We’re in our 6th year of homeschooling and it’s still not what I had hoped it would be. My boys are 9, 7, and 5 (my girl is 2). I have tried a lot of curriculum trying to find the right thing. What am I doing wrong? I wanted learning to be a natural part of our day, yet it feels so schoolish. For example, I would like our family to do scripture memory early in the morning but not think of it as “school”. Same with the other subjects. Like, oh math is just something we practice every day, instead of sitting around the dining room table painfully “trying to get school done”. My kids don’t like “school”, they find it hard to concentrate (they are probably disinterested, they are thinking about other things that they are actually interested in), they can’t wait to be done, there’s always resistance, and this is just not what I had in mind. I wanted them to each day, be eager to learn what I had planned for them. I wanted them to enjoy the lessons and be interested in what I’m reading to them, and willfully participate. To find it as exciting and as interesting as I do. What am I doing wrong? Is it because I use a boxed curriculum (My Father’s World Rome to the Reformation this year, several different ones in the past), is it because I haven’t gone 100% CM (though I’d love too), is it because they’re boys? I never wanted my kids to even know that they were doing school, that is how naturally I wanted to integrate learning into their lives. Now I can’t get the school concept out of their heads. I’ll admit I think I’m an unschooler at heart (though I do love CM). I don’t know what to do, I hope some of you have advice and can help me.
We are pretty CM in school but it still feels like school most of the time. i am reminded that her students went to school, I dont think it was just “warm fuzzies” of learning on the couch 🙂
For me… I like school to be school, to get it done and then have the free time for the kids. And CM fits that “bill” too. Short but focused lessons with plenty of time for other things.
I have read about those families that just “organically” learn, that is not me no matter how lovely it sounds. I prefer “get it done quickly (but done well) with time for fun” 🙂
For your family, find what works but dont try to make someone elses schooling yours. and yes, sometimes school is just “uninteresting” at the moment, but i remind my kids, it is what we need to do. Just as their dad has to go to work when sometimes he might not want to, they have school.
I am sure my thoughts were less than helpful, LOL. My only advice is don’t try to fit into someone elses “mold”. You have growing boys, make sure they have time for physical work too.
Raising Real Men, Hall and Melanie Young, is a great resource for boys. They have a blog as well as a great podcast. A lot of fantastic wisdom for teaching boys in school and life. I go to their book and blog often for wisdom when it comes to my boys.
For my boys, they like schedule and order, unschooling and not having a set plan frustrates them.
My good friend is more of an unschooler at heart but she found that a schedule worked so much better for her boys. it gave expectations and boundries. She is still amazing at learning moments that just come up, but she had to find the balance for her and her kids. She had to go against her “comfort level” and schedule. Now her boys take their schedule and get to work (yes, still often complain) but can’t argue with what is required when they can see it written down. Kids are each so different!
oh and 5 is young. I would not even worry about him at 5 amd even 7 is young. I have not done MFW are the books geared younger or older? Maybe cross reference with SCM books and see what you can get at the library to add in some variety or picture books. I loved our Ren to Reff year with SCM the family books were great!
I would love to be scheduled but I have failed at that so far! I even have books, specifically for homeschooling families, that teach you how to schedule. So maybe that would improve things around here, I’ve actually been working on this but it takes me forever to accomplish something like a schedule that works for the whole family. I just have no time!
I let mine sit on the floor and when they were that age, I let them build with legos or color while I read fun stories.
I even let them finger paint on the walls of the shower while I read to them. Believe it or not, they listen quite well as long as they don’t talk, so that was my one rule.
For things other than reading…. keep it super short, like 5-10 minutes max. then move on. Never have two writing things back to back… try to rotate activities…. for example, listening, then moving, then drawing, then listening etc. take breaks.
My son hates spelling, so I had him try and see if he could stand on one leg balanced while spelling the word etc.
For younger boys, letting them have movement is important, but if mine didn’t pay attention then I would have them sit down. They learned quick how to focus and get things done so they could stay mobile.
These things helped me. Now at age 11 & 12, mine can sit and listen to readings around 1-2 hours long as long as I switch up books in between.
So my first thought: your curriculum is really best for older students, grade 6+. Sure they market it as being for all ages but if you read reviews most say it’s better for older students. Honestly that’s not an era most kids that age are interested, and I am a FIRM believer that history, science etc.. should always be interest led. Children learn best what they are interested in, and while you can lead a horse to water, you can’t make them drink. So you can lay a topic out for them, but you can’t make them enjoy it or really, even learn it.
I have come to accept that we are at heart, unschoolers. We are doing some light formal 3Rs work for my oldest but that’s it. The rest is interest led. Switching to this has been a huge blessing to our home. We finally have that peace you (and we!) were seeking.
What we do however, is have structured learning time: so say 9-11 is learning time. What you choose to read/learn about/work on is your choice. My son (10) is currently studying frogs (and is going to be doing a dissection) and art history. My daughter (7) is learning about horses. We read lots, every day. We have those organic learning experiences.
We employ CM methods within our learning time: doing copywork, living books, narrations, reading excellent literature etc…
I would recommend you join the Faceboik group Leadership Education Homeschool Discussion. I think you may find your happy medium there. Blessings!
I’ve found that preplanned curricula always made our home seem more schoolish and learning more like a checklist to be hurried through. Following another person’s plans instead of making my own always leads to stress for me.
We’ve always used timers in our home school. We set a timer for each subject and stopped when the time was over. We’ve tried different curricula over the years but mostly we have just read the next book for each subject and narrated. We used our library extensively. Of course we used a curriculum for math!
When my kids were little, I really limited screen time and we spent a lot of our free time reading and going on nature walks so that school and life kind of blended together in many ways. My kids played with small toys, drew, colored, or worked on handicrafts while I read aloud.
My home school has been interest led in many ways as well. I’ve allowed my children to choose topics to study and I have never minded dropping a book that my kids really didn’t care for. I will make them persevere if I think the book is particularly worthy.
In the end you have to find what works for you and for your family and it is always a bit different for each of us.
You and your family will be in my prayers today.
Blessings,
Melanie
You mention you are an unschooler at heart with CM leanings. So why not follow that desire and see where it leads you? Your children are young and the school year is still new, so the timing is good for a bit of experimenting. Set aside the curriculum and explore unschooling, whatever that looks like for your family.
I have a routine similar to Melanie32, with a schedule of subjects but freedom to choose activities within each subject.
Some resistance to schooling is natural, but an ongoing hatred of learning and lack of joy may be a signal that your family needs a different path to learning. Remember, there is no one biblical way of teaching academics to children. Pray for God to guide you as you seek how to educate your children.
Last year, I was on the fence about leaving a classical program we had been involved in for 3 years. Not only did He show me I had the freedom to say no to what wasn’t working, I believe he also told me it’s okay not to force my 8 year old son to learn what he wasn’t interested in. Ask the Lord and he will show you what He desires for your family, however that looks!
I haven’t read the responses, so apologies if I repeat something.
At heart, I am a CM purist. In life, I have accepted that I am a realist and that my kids aren’t all CM purists.
- I don’t teach reading CM way because I and my kids prefer a phonics heavy approach. I’ve used several, but settled on Reading Lessons Through Literature by Kathy Jo Devore for my youngest and he is breezing through learning to read and spell just fine.
- I don’t do much prepared dictation any more because my kids hate it with a capital H. DD16 takes English at the local college via Dual Enrollment. DS13 uses Phonetic Zoo. DD10 does some dictation, but is a natural speller.
- I stink at teaching DD16 math. I simply cannot communicate with her about it in a productive way. She’s had a weekly/bi-weekly tutor for years. DS13 takes math online.
- Misc. – I AM TIRED. Teaching is not my gift. I LOVE BOOKS. I lead a CM co-op of 25 families. I NEED OUTSIDE HELP TO DO IT WELL THIS YEAR. I use online classes, 11 this year between 3 kids. DS13 has every class online except science and spelling this year. He is THRIVING more than ever before with straight up CM. He is super proud of his accomplishments and is more diligent with the extra accountability.
There is no magic way. Best wishes on finding the best way for this season at your home. 🙂
I wanted to add that we are people who need a plan at my house. Without a plan we flounder. However, we fill in our planners and work from them through the day. Today I was off and ds7.5 had to some back to me and finish at 4:30. Normally he’s finished by 12:30.
I agree wholeheartedly with the other comments here. It seems like a frustrating cliche but “stop trying so hard, go with your gut” ! It is really the only way you’ll find peace. Here are my goofy opinions …
Elementary years (through 6th or so) should be glorious! Fun, full, not painful, just the basics taught through great literature and every day life. You can learn in any place – a park, a car, under the table. Little pockets of time here and there but within life. It should also be a time to find any issues and work on them. A time to get a foundation but happily. In retrospect I would have totally unschooled all of elementary if I had had the courage.
I think it is important to remember that these years are precious. Not only for you with your children, but for you as a woman too. Don’t let them go by in a way that confounds and frustrates you or them. If my days start looking like something I want to forget I have to make changes! Subtle or monumental. 🙂
We’ve always had a little schedule – simple, just what subjects to cover that day. I never scheduled out daily reading pages, etc. – that was too much for me. I am a CM purist wanna be who leans heavily toward unschooling and our first 4 or 5 years looked very much like that too. Middle school and high school changed that for us and our past few years around here look less and less like the old days. But that’s okay too!
I’ll be honest. I struggled like mad with it! I was so determined there would remain this lovely flow, easy transitions, curious exploration, lots of time out in the world exploring etc. that we had in elementary. But we all changed – everyone of us in different ways. We grew up. It was inevitable that our schooling would too.
Now we cover subjects daily in a way that’s pretty independent and I rely on the quality of the materials to be what keeps that warm and fuzzy feeling there. I rely on the books to inspire and create curiosity and interest and knowledge. And they do …. but so do a lot of other aspects of their lives now too.
I don’t know if I’m making any sense in this rambling post?! Hope it helps in some way.
For fun, you might enjoy doing this quiz. Hands down, every time I do it (or similar ones), it comes in almost tied for me for these three styles (not necessarily in this order):
Charlotte Mason
Waldorf
UnschoolingAnd when I think about it, it’s really those three methods that I would say we have blended together in our school.
http://eclectic-homeschool.com/homeschool-philosophies-quiz/
I agree, the boxed curriculum naturally tends to be schoolish. I would get rid of them. I have a high energy 7 year old boy. Here is what our day looks like:
Bible (The Child’s Story Bible) We simply read a chapter a day, sometimes less… and he also has a blank painting notebook that he can paint a picture in about the story if he wants. We also recite the bible verse we are learning. We just keep repeating till he naturally memorized it. I don’t drill or quiz him.
Reading: All about Reading and Happy Phonics.
Math: Right Start. He loves the hands-on and games. Very little worksheets.
Science: Books from the library. Experiments every now and then. Science Museum visits.
Hymn: We just chose a hymn and sing it and repeat the words once a week, no pressure. We also like to find different versions of the song and listen to them on youtube. Currently we are learning Amazing Grace.
Nature Study, Poetry, Art, Composer: We chose something from Simply Charlotte Mason and simply enjoy by reading, listening, and looking at pictures. No pressure. No memorizing. No quizzing. We also have tea or snack during this part of the day.
History: We use Beautiful Feet. We read through the books and make a timeline, but skip all the other little assignments. He is learning a lot without them.
Geography: Pick a country and get some books about it. We also read missionary stories from that country.
The secret is no busy work or useless worksheets or assignment. You can still use your curriculum— just get rid of the nonsense.
My little guy enjoys school days— though there are days he is having a hard day and we put it away and come back later.
Best of luck to you!
Did you say your oldest is 9?
My oldest just turned 9 and it is in the third grade. We are using ECC. I have four younger children. I do agree that box curriculum can tend to feel more like school, however, what I do is use it to know what subjects to cover. For example, the math in mfw ECC can be way over the children’s heads because it is written for a wide age range. So instead of reading properties of ecosystems we just want videos about rivers or whatever this subject is. I too love the idea of unschooling, however I find that when I try to do that I feel like we don’t have the structure and flow to our days that we need. I feel like following a curriculum gives me something to work with and tweak into our own style. I would ask your boys what they do like to study and add that into your day and take out something from your day. My son loves airplanes so we are doing an airplane curriculum that I’m putting together. But that means some of the activities in mfw ECC are skipped or skimmed. When I try to plan on my own I’m very stressed and my time is divided between planning and my family. Some people can plan on their own with no problem though. So seek God’s guidance and do what works best for your family
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