Where to get help for our family?

I think the place to start is with your pastor/priest/religious advisor.  He will usually know of counselors or therapists in your area who are supportive of religious people (this is NOT true of many therapists)  Also some denominations, like Catholic or Latter-Day Saint, will have organized social services agencies which may be near you.  So that’s where I’d start looking.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/articles/consider_counseling.aspx

Here’s the link to the specifics of their free counseling referral program.  It even has questions to ask yourself to see if you are at the point where you do need counseling.

  Yes, having been through this with my family for many years, actually leaving twice so my husband understood I was serious (not that I recommend that for everyone, but that’s what I had to do) start with your Priest (you are Catholic, right?). He is your spiritual head and will know where to guide you. Your spiritual family is there to get you through this, to advise you and surround you with love and support of which you and your children and your husband need. You cannot go through this without the prayers and support of your Priest and older women-not those on this board only. G-d designed you to need women who can pray with you-in person. Only a severe controller would try to prevent you from having womanly relationships and that’s a problem (spoken from experience-needs counseling to reverse) and unbiblical. He needs manly relationships, too and he’s accountable to G-d, you and your Priest. 

Whether your husband comes or not doesn’t determine whether you and your children go. Frankly, your husband doesn’t have the authority to prevent you from going to your Priest. Your Priest can counsel you himself or guide you to someone he knows so even if your husband doesn’t go, you will be encouraged, strenthened and counseled on how to handle this situation and establish boundaries in your home, which in turn will help him, even if he doesn’t go; but hopefully he will because he loves you and his children more than himself.

I pray your husband will go as the Scriptures support him going and seeking help-letting “Iron sharpen Iron” as the say; but that doesn’t need stop you and you taking your children. It’s not about “submission” and being patient and all that. Yes, it is a spiritual problem, sometimes a chemical one (both in my husband’s case, plus siezures and pain meds. from chronic pain), but that doesn’t mean you allow verbal abuse and rage; I don’t believe G-d expects you to live that way.

You all need counsel, wisdom and encouragement as soon as possible, like call today! And though I wasn’t going to say this on the other post; please, I recommend, do not read the Pearl “helpmeet” book through this. It is not appropriate to a situation like this, IMO. Also, there is more on men loving their wives in the Scriptures than protecting them.

I don’t mean to sound harsh-just speaking from experience and don’t want this to escalate and think many marriage books cause women to stay ‘patient’ too long. I found the Boundaries books to be far more relevant to my angry, depressed, controlling, and ultimately, verbally abusive situation.

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Prov.15:22

I am praying for you and yours; I do have an idea of how you feel. Please encourage your children that it is right for them to speak their hearts to the Priest and anyone he recommends for further counsel.

Rachel

Thank you, Becky.

I also agree with Becky on not allowing a ‘non-answer’ from your Priest, if that happens, to discourage you. I, too have a Catholic friend who has sought help from her Priest and he was only partially helpful, with only theoretical advice, with no meat in it or practical application to actually have an impact on the situation. This isn’t unique to Catholism, however, so please I hope you do not take it as Catholic bashing.

 I am thankful for my Rabbi’s support of us (unceasing) and our Congregation’s leadership’s accountable, yet loving approach and the counsel and prayers of awesome women for me and the men (inc. the Rabbi) for my son and off-and-on for my husband (as he allowed) through the years regarding our situation; I’d say my experience is unique. There have been other blessed counselors (one still in use weekly for him) and now a hard-core Dr. for him monthly along w/meds. currently thrown in the mix for us that G-d has used. Keep in mind, my husband has serious medical issues that go way beyond depression or plain anger, but he is gettting help and ya’ll can, too.

Rachel

Thank you for bringing this up, Linda. It made me think of a few things. If you don’t have insurance, some Christian counseling facilities work on a ‘sliding scale’ according to your income, so definitely share that financial concern with them. 

Our marriage psychologist also gave us a cash discount; ours did mainly because he was our Rabbi’s recommendation, but I would think it would be worthy to ask for any psychologist, if it becomes necessary, if they have a reasonable non-insurance cash price.

Lastly, be bold in asking help for financial help from your church to help pay a bill here or there while you go through this, if that’s an area that may prevent pursuing help. Your husband may use your financial situation as an excuse not to get help. So you can reassure him that it is handled. Your church has benevolence funds to help their constituents first-that being ya’ll-during hard times and I would think that your Priest would see the connection of helping with the physical needs (money) to attend to the spiritual/mental ones.

Just thought I’d share the info.

I was reminded in this month of something and encourage you to do the same; that is to run to the L-rd, pour out your heart’s distress before the L-rd, as Hannah did, and let His Peace fill you as it did her.

For your encouragement:“I Lift mine eyes unto the hills-where does my help come from? My help comes from the L-rd, Maker of Heaven and Earth” Psalm 121:1-2

“Cast all your anxiety on him for He cares for you”1 Peter 5:7

“For G-d has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and sound judgement” 1 Tim. 1:7

Rachel

Misty,

While it is very good to be constantly looking in the mirror at our own behavior, habits, words, and actions, I would encourage you not to put the full blame of your sensitive situation on yourself. If you have recognized a few things in yourself and are seeking outside help, I applaud you. However, from what you have described in previous posts, it doesn’t sound like the problems are beginning or ending with just you. It is true that we can’t change others, but I wouldn’t let that stop you from encouraging your entire family, including your husband, from receiving the benefits of outside, godly counsel and wisdom. Not only does good counsel bring underlying issues to the surface, it also creates accountability, which is good for everyone. And the counselor’s office can become a safe place for you to speak openly with your husband, for your husband to speak openly to you, and for your children to speak openly with both of you.

I hope you don’t feel I am being too forward. Just trying to speak in love,

Lindsey