Name: CHEC Rocky Mountain Homeschool Conference
Start: 2025-06-12T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-06-14T23:59:59-05:00
Location: Denver, CO

Tagged: family

This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 15 years, 2 months ago by my3boys.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

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March 18, 2010 at 12:08 pm
Misty
Participant
So there was a resent thread on juggling kids and home. I thougth I was doing this ok. Then a friend of mine yesterday during some play time for thie kids commented that I don’t balance this well. And well that’s why I don’t have the heart to heart relationship she does with her kids. I’ve thought and prayed about this all day and night. You know what she’s right. She is wiser and older. She see’s what I don’t. And I asked her how she has that relationship and she was honest. I mean that’s what we want in a friend correct. Now on the other had she is the total opposite of me though, with that said. She spends all her time with and for her kids to the point she gets fustrated and stressed about not keeping up the domestic (we’ll call it) end of being a mom. Then she falls behind.
So I’m wondering if you would be willing to give me a mom who seems to spend to much time doing?? Whatever it is I do that I don’t spend it with my kids some help. How would you and could you suggest to me to try and start finding some real “balance”. Misty

March 18, 2010 at 2:25 pm
my3boys
Participant
Just one thought for now. I am in no way *wise* but I have learned one thing or I’m trying to. Don’t compare yourself with someone else. It only brings frustrated/discontent. Bring it before the Lord and ask Him how you’re fairing as a mother/wife. Ask your husband/children where your strengths and weaknesses are.
You did mentioned that you think she is right about some things, and maybe she is. Could you elaborate?
And then what does she do to have that *heart to heart* relationship with her kids that you don’t??
See, I have a close-to-me person in my life that I have compared myself to for years and after many miserable years that cloud of doubt has been lifted. I believe God has answered my prayer. Anyway, I always looked at her relationship with her kids as something I didn’t have with mine, but in reality the relationship she has with her kids is NOT any better than mine, just different. And now I am very happy with my family (as I should be) and close to my kids (like I always had been) but for some reason I was in this comparison shopping mode and just figured she had it all figured out and that her kids just adored her, etc. Well, I have seen a side to their relationship(s) that I’d never seen before and that finally freed me of thinking they were the perfect family.
I hate to put it so bluntly and maybe you don’t have this issue as I have had, but it was really depressing me and robbing me of the joy of my own family. I’m just asking you not to compare. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors (not that you don’t know your friend well enough, I’m just saying) and she really doesn’t know exactly what is going on in your home. If you still feel the need to change, as we all do at times, ask God to reveal to you things that need working on in your heart/home/mind. I will pray for you:)
March 18, 2010 at 2:44 pm
amandajhilburn
Participant

I agree that we should not compare ourselves to others. Each family is different. Each of us as mothers have different personalities and each of our kids have different personalities. So it would be impossible for me to tell you how you can make your relationships with your family better since I do not know them at all (but you know them very well).
I also agree that you should talk to your husband and children and just ask them for their opinion. They may not want you to do one thing differently!!
I too have struggled with this subject (comparing our home life, homeschooling methods, homemaking skills, etc. to other famlies) I actually wrote a recent blog post about it all…..Teach Them Diligently

Philippians 4:6,7
Be anxious for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
March 18, 2010 at 3:02 pm
missingtheshire
Member
Over my many years on this earth, I have found that the surest way to disaster is to compare myself to others, be it in a prideful way or a negative way. We cannot be the same as someone else, because we are individuals with different personalities and lifestyles. We can certainly listen to others, and take on board ideas that we may or may not be able to implement, but the comparison thing is not good or healthy. My mum always said, the grass always seems greener on the other side, but no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors, and the happiness and perfection that we imagine dwells there, generally does not. The biggest problem that a lot of us have or had, is that we are insecure and look for security outside of ourselves. We need to be confident in our relationship with God, our spouses and ourselves. We need to be able to adjust our expectations when necessary, get ideas for improvement from others, but not feel we have to become someone else. I hope that makes sense. It can take a long time to become comfortable in our own skins, to be comfortable with our lifestyle and the way we raise our children, but constantly second guessing ourselves and comparing is not the way to go. Finding that balance between homemaking, children, spouse and outside activity is difficult, and we will not always get it right, but only we can decide how best to make happen the things we want to happen. Don’t stress too much – if she has hit a nerve with something, and you can easily see an idea where you can improve something, implement it, but don’t try and turn into something you are not. I can almost guarantee she does not have it all together either. I am older, but I still don’t have it all worked out – I am though comfortable in my skin, and in the way I live my life and with God by my side and a loving husband – it is all good.
March 18, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Misty
Participant
You know as always you are always right (each of you). I know things are not always green there. Green is so hard to be all the time.
The question was asked:
You did mentioned that you think she is right about some things, and maybe she is. Could you elaborate? Well, I like to have things very tidy, but for me this is a training tool I use with the children, not w/o them. I don’t run around picking up though if you stopped by today (or anyday) my house is kept very clean (most would say spotless). This is not from me, I have trained my children and they do there chores. But I do have a tendency to get an idea in my head of something that needs to be done and I have to do it. Then they (the kids) get left to play alone for long periods of time.
And then what does she do to have that *heart to heart* relationship with her kids that you don’t?? Her kids just seem to want to please her. They get along (and we see them weekly so I would think I would see the kids bickering/ I mean they see mine do this). She just response well to them and there needs or maybe it’s how she corrects them. I was brought up:you mind me I’m in charge. And though I want them to do it cause they want to at times I still fall back to “because I am your mom” (yelling/angry).
AHH.. I just need to spend more (not tons) but more time just doing what they want to do. I just need to work on my own fustrations, and keep asking the Holy Spirit to help me direct/teach/discipline my children. I need to watch them more closely to stop things before they happen.
Sorry I know you are all right. I should not compare, I must just be felling the pull of my own relationships with my kids and wanting what I see in someone else. I don’t want that. I want what God is willing to give us, me and that child. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I need to just lift this to the Lord, my husband and my children. Thanks everyone Misty
March 18, 2010 at 4:25 pm
my3boys
Participant
Wow, I could’ve written that myself. That same close-to-me person has kids that always seem to just want to please her and not rock the boat. I always seemed like the one that yelled, kept things tidy (as good as possible), etc., too.
Honestly, and this may sound weird, but I have had to distance myself from her a bit. I don’t spend as much time with her because I fall into the trap of comparing. Actually, now after all this time I probably wouldn’t fall back, but the distance to just find my own family *personality* has helped tremendously. I feel so much more confident in our decisions. I guess you’d say I relied too much on her approval, experience or what ever. That just about ruined my marriage. My husband is much happier.
I guess you’d say that that relationship wasn’t the healthiest for me (not her fault, mine) and I had to do what I had to do. Now, I’m much more secure in my own choices and don’t look to her for approval anymore. None of this is her fault and I’ve felt bad about HAVING to distance myself, but really I think that God did that for me. Hope this makes sense. Blessings to you and your family.