When someone points something out to you?

Just one thought for now.  I am in no way *wise* but I have learned one thing or I’m trying to.  Don’t compare yourself with someone else.  It only brings frustrated/discontent.  Bring it before the Lord and ask Him how you’re fairing as a mother/wife.  Ask your husband/children where your strengths and weaknesses are. 

You did mentioned that you think she is right about some things, and maybe she is.  Could you elaborate?

And then what does she do to have that *heart to heart* relationship with her kids that you don’t??

See, I have a close-to-me person in my life that I have compared myself to for years and after many miserable years that cloud of doubt has been lifted.  I believe God has answered my prayer.  Anyway, I always looked at her relationship with her kids as something I didn’t have with mine, but in reality the relationship she has with her kids is NOT any better than mine, just different.  And now I am very happy with my family (as I should be) and close to my kids (like I always had been) but for some reason I was in this comparison shopping mode and just figured she had it all figured out and that her kids just adored her, etc.  Well, I have seen a side to their relationship(s) that I’d never seen before and that finally freed me of thinking they were the perfect family. 

I hate to put it so bluntly and maybe you don’t have this issue as I have had, but it was really depressing me and robbing me of the joy of my own family.  I’m just asking you not to compare. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors (not that you don’t know your friend well enough, I’m just saying) and she really doesn’t know exactly what is going on in your home.  If you still feel the need to change, as we all do at times, ask God to reveal to you things that need working on in your heart/home/mind.  I will pray for you:) 

Over my many years on this earth, I have found that the surest way to disaster is to compare myself to others, be it in a prideful way or a negative way.  We cannot be the same as someone else, because we are individuals with different personalities and lifestyles.  We can certainly listen to others, and take on board ideas that we may or may not be able to implement, but the comparison thing is not good or healthy.  My mum always said, the grass always seems greener on the other side, but no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors, and the happiness and perfection that we imagine dwells there, generally does not.  The biggest problem that a lot of us have or had, is that we are insecure and look for security outside of ourselves.  We need to be confident in our relationship with God, our spouses and ourselves.  We need to be able to adjust our expectations when necessary, get ideas for improvement from others, but not feel we have to become someone else.  I hope that makes sense.  It can take a long time to become comfortable in our own skins, to be comfortable with our lifestyle and the way we raise our children, but constantly second guessing ourselves and comparing is not the way to go.  Finding that balance between homemaking, children, spouse and outside activity is difficult, and we will not always get it right, but only we can decide how best to make happen the things we want to happen.  Don’t stress too much – if she has hit a nerve with something, and you can easily see an idea where you can improve something, implement it, but don’t try and turn into something you are not.  I can almost guarantee she does not have it all together either.  I am older, but I still don’t have it all worked out – I am though comfortable in my skin, and in the way I live my life and with God by my side and a loving husband – it is all good.

Wow, I could’ve written that myself.  That same close-to-me person has kids that always seem to just want to please her and not rock the boat. I always seemed like the one that yelled, kept things tidy (as good as possible), etc., too. 

Honestly, and this may sound weird, but I have had to distance myself from her a bit.  I don’t spend as much time with her because I fall into the trap of comparing.  Actually, now after all this time I probably wouldn’t fall back, but the distance to just find my own family *personality* has helped tremendously.  I feel so much more confident in our decisions.  I guess you’d say I relied too much on her approval, experience or what ever.  That just about ruined my marriage.  My husband is much happier. 

I guess you’d say that that relationship wasn’t the healthiest for me (not her fault, mine) and I had to do what I had to do.  Now, I’m much more secure in my own choices and don’t look to her for approval anymore.  None of this is her fault and I’ve felt bad about HAVING to distance myself, but really I think that God did that for me.  Hope this makes sense.  Blessings to you and your family.