What to do with an OCD little boy?

Sara,  Have you looked more at ODD….. Oppositional Defiant Disorder??  It has obsessive tendancies with a difiant twist… 🙂   And yes it is hard to get past the constant defiance.

                Good Luck and Blessings!

What jumps out at me is the fact that he is THREE. You can’t expect adult-level self control from someone who is 3. If he is seeking so much input from touch you can already see he’s a kinestetic learner so take advantage of it! Give him sensory input in ways that are acceptable to you and seek out deliberate things he’ll enjoy. Curiosity is not a bad habit.

For the coming out of his bedroom – who wouldn’t do that if they couldn’t sleep? Seriously. It’s normal. Yes, you can teach him how to stay in there and learn to entertain himself or stay in be over time, but don’t expect perfection. You are an adult and not perfect at anything either. In 6 months he’ll be a very different child capability wise, and another 6 months after that, and so on. Be patient, put up the things (in a locked place) that he’s not allowed to have that might be hurt/broken if he gets into them. Then choose small areas to train him in and work from there. He’s 3, give him a lot of grace.

I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. I’m saying it in love, though I sound a bit harsh. I’ve got 7 children and 5 are little boys (4 are age 4 and under right now). He sounds like a normal little boy trying to utilize the gifts God gave him (curiosity, need to touch things to learn). It’s a pain now, but when he’s older it will be an enormous gift if you let him develop. I promise.

And yes, I recognize there are real disorders out there, but people today are too quick to diagnose and label a young child for acting like a child (a bit foolish and a lot lacking in self control and patience). You’re not a bad parent, he’s not a bad little boy. You just both have a lot of learning and teamwork to do until he develops and grows up.

Ack…I just typed a long post to you, and then my internet and computer both went down due to a temporary power outage. *sigh* I don’t have the time or energy to retype the whole thing, so I will just try to summarize:

As the parent of a child with a serious disorder and some pretty strong delays and issues, it honestly scares me a bit to hear you talk about disciplining a child for what you would consider a disorder. A disorder is NOT the same thing as a bad habit; it is not something you can eradicate through punishment. If anything, mistakenly punishing a child for compulsive behavior usually only causes worse issues.

That being said, it doesn’t sound to me like there is anything wrong with your child! If there is anything I have learned through years of experience with children (I was a music teacher before having my children), it is that young children experience the world through their bodies and their senses….and they are SUPPOSED to. Your son gets this….so celebrate it! If anything, your son sounds like he may be a little sensorily understimulated. So, help him out….give him sand to sift, dough to knead, rocks to run his fingers through, rice to play with, a tub of water outside so he can play with his boats and splash to his heart’s content without getting in trouble, modelling clay and play doh EVERY DAY (seriously!), silks and felts and velcro to play with in his inside playtime. He sounds like a normal, happy little boy who is developing very normally but needs your help and input on his need to experience the world through his senses.

As I said, I have learned through parenting my DS that disorder “behaviors” are VERY different, and noticeably so, from “rebellion,” “bad behavior,” or any such. For instance, a temper tantrum and an autistic meltdown are NOT the same thing, although they may look the same to an outside observer. For one, you offer discipline; for the other, coping help and consolation. Now yes, there are going to be some things your child shouldn’t touch….like light sockets and ammonia…but within reason, please do give him the leeway to experience the world as he so obviously needs to, and don’t look at his need to touch as something that is wrong with him!

Please forgive me if this is a bit stringent; it is (obviously) something I feel strongly about. I am sure you are a wonderful parent to your son. You have observed his tendency…now you have the wonderful chance to use it to help him learn and grow as a whole person.

Just from the things you’ve said above, I wouldn’t seek a diagnosis for several reasons, but the main one is just not to have him labeled at such a young age.  There isn’t really a purpose in it right now because I don’t think he needs medication, counseling, etc. for the things you’ve listed.  My daughter smells everything, and I mean everything like you said:)  My other son is 4 and definitely has OCD in my opinion, but I don’t need a doctor to tell me that.  I have learned to still discipline though, but some things I have learned about him that it seems like he can’t control until he’s done the thing, for example: he HAS to make sure a door is shut, so the automatic doors at office buildings, grocery stores, etc. just drive him crazy because he tries to help them shut.  He used to get in trouble for not coming immediately when I told him let’s go, but I realized that he wasn’t even listening a bit until his mind could see that door shut, then he can look at me and listen and he obeys just fine.  My son also touches things the way you’ve described, and although yes he needs to explore the world, there are still boundaries in the world and in your home.  I know what you mean that it’s worth it to him to touch something anyways, and my son has gotten better about that, maybe yours will too.

I don’t have as much experience as the others I know, but I still think you would be fine to train him to stay in his room and discipline for leaving the room when you’ve told him not to.  That’s a disobedience issue to me, not a curiosity issue.  Several of my children would love to not take a nap/rest or stay in bed at nighttime, but it’s not okay for them to wander the house. So that seems like an area to me that would be fine, but maybe I’m completely wrong.

Pray for widsom in what areas to let go, and which ones to enforce, etc. 

I think he needs more sensory stimulation from what you’ve shared here, BUT I agree with others that saying a child who has a disorder just needs discipline is not good advice. It is always best to talk to your child’s doctor if you have any concerns. He or she can help you work though the concerns and decide if further testing or evaluation is needed. For children with things like ADHD and autism, sometimes medication is necessary and/or specific therapies can be very effective.

Having said that, as a parent of children with some differing abilities, I would suggest you at least consider an evluation for sensory issues, and an occupational therapist could help or possibly a developmental pediatrician. OR you could provide some more sensory stimulation (than you already are) and see what happens.

One of my sons needs to touch everything and it is definitely NOT normal, and he has not outgrown it. He still mouths objects and he is way past the age this is considered “normal.” BUT we have found ways to help him get the sensory experiences he is seeking.

You might look into: sensory bins (just type in google and you’ll get tons of ideas), sand table and/or tub (take it outside or put on a plastic tablecloth), taekwondo or other type of martial arts (REALLY, REALLY good for sensory-seeking children).

I hope this helps and hang in there. Your son sounds like an amazing and bright little boy!

I agree with 2flowerboys!  She summed up what I wanted to say but didn’t have time. I know he is only 3 but like she said, you are with them 24/7. You know them better than anyone else. You will see what is going on when no one else does.

   I was told by others mine was just a normal boy. But they didn’t see him in “melt down mode”.  It also started about the age of 3. 

   I totally agree with 2flowerboys. you must know when it is melt down or defiance. You must disapline for that reason to make sure he understands that it isn’t acceptable behavior to Hit, throw things, punch, bite, ect.. but make sure you disapline in a loving manner.

   I am sure you have noticed something or you wouldn’t have mentioned it here. Don’t batter yourself up. This is real and you obvious have something that you know isn’t right.  I had people try to make me think I was wrong to feel the way I do. Then after tons of research and diagnosis and more research I am not feeling alone or nuts (so to speak)…. I felt like I was loosing my mind at times because if there isn’t something wrong with him then there must be something wrong with me for not be a good enough mother.  I beat myself up for a few years. I hate to see someone else have to go threw what I did….. The self beat up game.  You are strong. You are OK. You are a loving mother or you wouldn’t seek help.  

     May G-d Bless you and your family.  May you know that you are not alone. Keep pressing on. G-d gave you that little boy because he knew you would stop at nothing to help him.  It is a long journey but stay strong. You are the one that G-d gave him too. and there was a good reason.

    Feingold is a good start for a diet.

              Blessings!

My good friend’s son was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome – it is on the autism “spectrum.” What you are describing sounds very much like him and light bulbs.  Wikipedia describes it like this “People with Asperger syndrome often display behavior, interests, and activities that are restricted and repetitive and are sometimes abnormally intense or focused. They may stick to inflexible routines, move in stereotyped and repetitive ways, or preoccupy themselves with parts of objects.[27]” Yeah, I’d say that was about right.  He drove his parents crazy with the light bulb fixation when he was that age – they eventually were able to come to a point where he could have a box of assorted light bulbs to keep and fool with in exchange for working on his obsessive light bulb attitude otherwise – like not being allowed to take lights apart in stores LOL and stuff like that.  But it took a while to get to that point.  

I always wished they would have embraced his interest and let him get into the science and mechanics of it all but they were very focused on the “behavioral problems” :/ 

Today he is a bright but challenging 13 yo – in a special Asperger’s program at school, I think, still. He is extremely gifted verbally and has some of the typical asperger’s challenges with social relationships.