What to do

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  • August 14, 2010 at 10:45 pm
    suzukimom
    Participant

    Ok, I’ve been trying to do “habit training” for a couple of years now, and I feel like I’m failing miserably.  I do get compliments generally on how well behaved my children are, so I guess they behave well enough when we are out – and I don’t think they are TOO bad at home, but they do drive me crazy I have to admit.

    There is a lot of whining, tattling, not sharing well, and the occasional pushing/hitting/pinching going on.  I have failed at getting them in the habit of keeping their room clean (the 3 of them share a room), as well as other simple habits.    I do have them get dressed, put their pj’s away, and make their bed before breakfast but the mornings their dad is in charge of breakfast they don’t, so it is a battle all the time as they don’t have it as a habit.  A few years ago the 2 oldest were good at putting their shoes away when they came in the door – now I have to repeatedly tell them.  And the 4yo well say she has done something when she hasn’t (and blaming others if she is going to be in trouble…).   Chores get done, but only with whining, and sometimes stomping too.  It makes me not even want to bother anymore.    Trying to get them to clean the bedroom, they take 4 or 5x the length of time it should take them because they hide under the bed, or lie on the floor doing nothing, or stomp around, or move one piece of lego at a time, etc.   They have about 9/10ths of their toys packed away because they weren’t looking after the toys, and they STILL aren’t.   (and they really don’t have too much – mostly lego)

    Anyway, through all the frustration I want to focus on chores / bedroom cleaning / bedtime/morning routines.

    Over the years (more before I knew CM) I tried a couple of things. 

    I used Children’s Miracle Music – which worked well for a little while, but was very inflexible, and had some issues (ie, when the song to go to the bathroom is on, which of the 3 kids should be using the 1 bedroom???)

    I did a variation of one whose name I can’t think of at the moment…. with hooks and cards – one hook has the chore cards to be done, one has chore cards that they have done, one for tickets they have earned, etc.  It worked ok for a little while, then was ineffective.

    Then I tried just not having a system other than the expectations.  not working.

    So – I don’t know how to get this working.  I’ve looked at the House Fairy…. I’ve looked at Manager of their Chores (and am trying to work out a schedule with Manager of their Homes)

    So – does anyone have any recommendations?   Has anyone used either of these?   

    How does anyone get kids doing what they are suppsed to without complaining all the time and making it so much more work than it is worth it?

    August 15, 2010 at 12:48 am
    Sue
    Participant

    I have been very, very ineffective in building lasting habits among my three children (dd – 12, ds w/autism – 11, dd – 9).  I wish I could offer you something concrete that has worked for me, but I, too, have tried a few things (sticker charts, chorebuster.com, earning rewards, etc.).  These things are often fine for awhile, then either life interrupts my good intentions or I simply don’t keep up with it.

    I know that part of the problem is that I don’t have very good habits myself when it comes to following through consistently with my children.  And, I often stay up way too late “fiddling around” with the school schedule or finding the right website to practice math facts and so on.  It has occurred to me that I need to make a point of modeling the behavior I wish to establish in my children.  For example, they do not think that I read my Bible all that much.  Why?  Because 90% of my prayer time and Bible devotion time takes place in my bedroom, behind the closed door, before they get up in the morning.  And if I sleep in just a bit because I stayed up too late the night before, they draw the conclusion that we need not arise at a set time every morning because Mom doesn’t do that.

    I know they are all very, very capable of building lasting habits because I have seen it in action.  Ever since we moved into this house in 2006, I have had them use the same cup all day long, rinsing or briefly washing them out as needed, and they line up their cups on the counter in the same place after drinking something.  Day in, day out, those cups are there in the same exact order.  They don’t even think about doing it.  We haven’t had a misplaced cup ever.  So why can’t my youngest find her socks–even just to put into the laundry?  Why couldn’t my older daughter find her copy of Robinson Crusoe last year for over a month?  Why doesn’t my son brush his teeth before bed without a reminder?

    I am really looking forward to the responses of others on this topic because we really need some serious habit training in this house! Surprised

    August 18, 2010 at 5:48 pm
    Kalle
    Participant

    bumping post

     

    August 18, 2010 at 10:07 pm
    Rene
    Participant

    I have been using the Chore Pack program, outlined in Managers of Their Chores, since May and it is working out beautifully.  But, I think the main reason it works so well is that I have a Chore Pack too and work along side my daughters AND I check their work to make sure they did it all.  After breakfast we all get started with our chore packs and in no time the house is picked up and refreshed.  In the beginning my girls would occasionally sigh or slump their shoulders when it was chore time but I basically said “no, we aren’t going to act like that.  It doesn’t take long and we all need to pitch in and work together to keep the house clean.” I’d point out how nice it was to have a nice orderly home and they would all agree.  Things are just more peaceful when the house is tidy.

    I don’t have an Evening chore pack for myself, but still I’m present, helping to pick up the kitchen and get things done and make sure they are doing their designated chores.  I’ve found that with the bulk of the daily chores done and the house staying neater, I’ve had more energy to actually tackle those areas that needed major decluttering, so the house is getting even more clean!

    A few weeks ago we went to spend the day with my Mom, whose health has been bad for over a year and she is often low on energy.  The girls and I took our cleaning supplies over and I basically told the girls, do whatever chores you would do at home and they took off and helped to tidy up and clean my mom’s house.  They loved being able to serve her this way, and my mom was impressed. Laughing  The girls also started making their beds upon waking for the most part, rather than waiting until it was Chore Pack time.

    About a month after I initially setting up the chore pack I realized it wasn’t working very well.  I had one girl trying to set the coffee pot while another was trying to load the dishwasher and they were in each others way, for example.  I sat down with the girls and we re-organized the order that the chores were being done so they meshed better together.  Now that we’ve been doing Morning and Evening chores for a few months I’m ready to add in Lunch chores and get things even more organized around here.   

    We do not do Evening chores on Fri, no chores at all on Sat other than I expect the girls to help me tidy up the kitchen after meals, and no Morning chores on Sunday.  Initially we didn’t do any chores all weekend, but Monday morning would be a horrible mess.  So now we do Evening chores on Sunday night to prepare for Monday.

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