what makes a community feel good?

[Amy]

I posted about a month ago that I was feeling disconnected from my community.  I received encouraging emails. Thank you.  I’d like to repost from a different perspective.

What makes your community feel good?  If you feel like you are in a good place, why?

I’m hoping that your stories will help me to see what I’ve missed in my geographic community, to form more cohesive ideas about the homeschool community we enjoy, perhaps even to see that we’d better serve God’s plan elsewhere…(DH is on same page). 

Thanks for your time & thoughts,

Amy

[LindseyD]

Hi Amy,

I’m not really sure I have the response you’re looking for, but I’ll try. We love our community. Although we are the only homeschoolers we know, we receive lots of support from friends and family who don’t home educate. Our town is supportive of homeschooling by offering programs at the library, zoo, and other community places. Those events and programs aren’t specifically labeled “homeschooling”, but we still feel thankful to have those opportunities.

There is a homeschooling organization here, but I have had a difficult time contacting them. The one time I did get someone, I was e-mailed a set of “rules” for the organization. One of those rules was that even moms of homeschoolers weren’t allowed to wear makeup, so I respectfully declined membership. 

So, if you’re asking about a community of homeschoolers, I can’t offer anything. Our family is its own support group. Thankfully, my best friend also homeschools using CM, but she is 6 hours away. We talk and text daily about our home educating and homemaking endeavors. She is my homeschool community, I suppose.

I think you just have to make the best of what you’ve got. If you have a large homeschooling demographic in your area, make the best of it. Perhaps your family has ideas or strategies to offer to make the larger community better. If you’re like me and don’t have the luxury of co-ops and support groups, try to find other ways to feel more a part of the community. Or, (and I haven’t had the guts to do this), start your own!

I think prayer is of utmost importance if you’re going to consider starting your own thing or even in joining something that’s already going. God’s picture is so big that you can believe He placed you in your neighborhood and town for a purpose. We are just beginning to see why we live in our neighborhood, and it’s not because it’s a nice house or in a good school district. God has a plan for our family in this specific neighborhood, and He’s opening up doors to love on our neighbors and share God’s love and truth with them. None of them home educate, but our purpose is so much bigger than that anyway.

Like I said, I’m not sure if that’s the answer you’re looking for. I know a lot of moms on this forum are part of great homeschooling communities, have church support, and attend or lead co-ops. Unfortunately, I don’t have any of that; but like I said, we make the best of it!

Blessings,

Lindsey

[missingtheshire]

Lindsey like you a couple of our local groups had that no make-up rule and no pants rule – so I declined to join – we have done ok on our own and with people we meet at the barn for riding and things like that.  Also in our case a lot of the groups had children that were very young, and as I had older teens when we got here we decided to go our own way.  We too have the zoo which offers programs and the botanical gardens and all sorts of other things, so the community is good in that sense.  Linda

[Scherger5]

My community is this forum and I have learned to be ok with that. I know a couple homeschooling families, but we live in a small community that is just not pro-homeschooling. Fortunately we are homebodies by nature and live in the country, so lots of things to do.

Linda – I *must* slow down when I read, because when you said there was a group in your area that had a “no pants” policy, I got a completely different picture LOL! Best laugh I have had all day :0)

~ Heather

[my3boys]

I really don’t know how to answer your question…I have only lived in 2 other cities and I lived in both long before I was married and had children.  Both places would have been homeschool-friendly, but not sure if I would’ve wanted to raise my kids in either one. 

The city we live in is not huge or very attractive, but I have lived here my whole life minus about 3 years, so it is home.  Our city is large enough to have a lake, Walmart, Target, several parks, schools, great library, shopping centers, but no malls, large post office, a WOW museum, a small zoo on a large grove area, etc.  We have available to us a Christian homeschool group with appr. 140 families (families drive as far as 45 minutes away to part. in our group) which has its pros/cons and is not CM-friendly but nobody cares ‘how’ you choose to school your children and you can wear pants and makeup. 

So, I guess you could say that our community feels good, but I have nothing to compare it to.  I have thought about how boring our community can be at times (in comparison to San Fran, San Diego, Sacramento, etc.). But we have so much going on here and in our state (which I’m sure everyone does) that we probably haven’t even tapped in to (even in our own community) that I don’t like to compare and risk discontentment. 

Hope that helps some.  

[LindseyD]

Great point, Heather!

The SCM community would have to be the best community I could be a part of. I wish we all lived in the same town…what a support group that would be!

[Sara B.]

For me, we are in a small town of about 7,000 people, with lots of homeschoolers about.  Except that we’ve never met any.    I joined our state’s Christian homeschooling group, and finally I found a list of groups in my area.  Go figure, one meets right in my town, a mile from my house, and one of the members lives less than a block away.  LOL  And they are doing CM-style artist, nature, and composer studies!  So that has been a huge blessing to us.  We are the only hs’ers in our church, as well, though there is a former hs’ing family (dd is grown and married now).  That’s been helpful, too.  Then there is this forum, and my own homeschool forum I set up (OK, my hubby set it up, I run it LOL).  That’s all the community I really get as far as HS’ing is concerned.

Hee, hee, I was just thinking the past few days how we haven’t even joined the library yet!  I buy all our books, so we don’t need to go there often.  But I’ll bet we’d find plenty of HS’ers there during the days, as well.  🙂

[my3boys]

Our community is at least 60,000 but no more than 70,000…so, that’s not huge, but not super small either.  We do have smaller and larger cities around us, so I feel we are somewhere right in the middle.  We are the only hsing family in our small church but we have a large church down the street from us that supports our hs group, Upwards and the like.  So, even though we do not worship with them (they are of the same faith) we are blessed to have them support us. 

Honestly, I have found more academic/child rearing help (and more) from this site than anywhere else (even my hs group, don’t ask, it’s just how it is…I’m trying to figure out why).  I have made more changes (inside and out) through this forum/site for my homeschool and I am so thankful for that.  My church family is wonderful, I love them dearly, but noone homeschools so I don’t have that to draw from.  But, this site has been my life-line. I am a social person, sometimes.  I get enough when I see my hs group friends at co-op and throughout the week at other classes/events through the week.  I don’t really ever have friends over or go out with any.  I do have one friend that is watching A Charlotte Mason Education with and that has been fun.  I have a large family so I get enough support from them too.    

I just didn’t want to leave out this community of ladies that really have become another community for me.

I hope you find peace wherever you are:)

[missingtheshire]

Well I love this forum and it is really my companion through this journey – I find that because we walk to the beat of a different drummer to most in our immediate area, we are ok with being a little different in the socializing department as well.

Heather glad I gave you a laugh – I would certainly not have gone if there had been a real “no pants” rule….not a good visual.

I also don’t want to sound like I put make up on with a trowel! I just like to make the best of the features I do have that I like, and my husband likes a little make up as well, oops there I go again – my husband likes a little make up on me.  Linda 

 

[missingtheshire]

Well I love this forum and it is really my companion through this journey – I find that because we walk to the beat of a different drummer to most in our immediate area, we are ok with being a little different in the socializing department as well.

Heather glad I gave you a laugh – I would certainly not have gone if there had been a real “no pants” rule….not a good visual.

I also don’t want to sound like I put make up on with a trowel! I just like to make the best of the features I do have that I like, and my husband likes a little make up as well, oops there I go again – my husband likes a little make up on me.  Linda 

 

[Amy]

Thanks everyone for letting me laugh this AM.  We do our best to avoid “no pants” places too!  (both kinds)

Since posting yesterday AM, I realized that part of what troubles me is the story I have about why I live where I do.  My children attended a fabulous preschool that offered parenting classes.  One of the director’s favorite techniques for talking with kids who are in a rough spell is to tell the child’s story–i.e., it used to be you couldn’t ride a bike at all, now you ride with training wheels & you really want to take them off.  We tried it & the crash was scary & it hurt a lot.  We’ll put the wheels back on for now & someday you’ll be ready to ride like the wind without them.  Her notion was that we are all somewhere in the middle of a story & that it can be helpful for parents to help children see a satisfying ending).  Well, I’ve taken her advice about stories to heart.  Sometimes I think about my own story.

My own story is that my family lived in a picture-perfect little MN village on 9 acres in an old stone house on a Wild & Scenic River, walked to the post office every day after school to pick up the mail, and put groceries “on account” if mom sent us to the general store without money.  The church & school worked together on some special events of the year (gym night at school, hot chocolate down the street at church, caroling along the way).  When I was in 5th grade my grandmother in Ohio had a recurrance of cancer.  She asked my mom to move back (my parents had divorced) to care for her in her final days.  We moved.  We cried the whole way across Wisconsin & most of IL & IN too.  I was too upset to eat breakfast for weeks.  We’d given up everything for a rented house on a suburban plot in a neighborhood called “the slums” by the richer kids at school.  My grandmother died 2-1/2 years later & I am still here.  I’ve never much cared for this place. 

I realized yesterday that a part of my struggle with living here may be the notion of continued obedience to a grandmother long dead rather than a clear discernment of God’s will.

I am finding great joy in checking in with this SCM community.  Thanks for being willing to talk!

Amy

[missceegee]

This is an interesting post.

We live in an area of about one million, but it’s quite spread out. There are thousands of homeschoolers and at least 40-50 different support groups and co-ops, many of which have waiting lists. None of the ones that I’m familiar with are the “no-pants” variety. It seems that we are fortunate to have such a supportive community. 

I lead a CM co-op with about 30 families involved. Next year, we will offer 1.5 hours of Handicrafts, Life Skills and Hands-On Learning and another hour of Family Fine Arts Study, followed by a half hour or so of Shakespeare. Two new groups, one CM and one not, are spinning off from mine to form new groups for next year. It is very exciting. I love supporting others on their journey of homeschooling and CM ideas and methods, in particular. This is a tremendous blessing to our family!

This forum, however, is my online support! I love it here.

Blessings,

Christie

 

[missceegee]

Amy, I just read your last post. How bittersweet. It’s a blessing when we can help our families in need, but it’s a challenge when we’re unsure if it’s the best for our immediate family. I pray that your family will be at peace with wherever you are in accordance with the Lord’s will.

~ Christie

[Sara B.]

Amy, perhaps my story will help you?  My dh and I met at college in Milwaukee, WI.  After college, we got married and stayed there.  All our friends (well, most of them) moved away.  I was originally from MN, and he was from all over (parents were missionaries).  He does have 1 sister that lives there, but they have 6 children themselves, so hard to get together with them.  Long story short, we felt like outsiders.  We just didn’t belong there.  We were never *truly* happy there.  We tried selling our house before #4 came along, but no luck.  After we had our 4th, we tried again, and our house sold in a day.    We up and moved to MN in 3 weeks time.  Shocking for everyone involved (especially my grandparents, who gave us a home until we could move into our own this past Sept).

Now, when we had put up our house for sale the first time, we thought we’d stay in Milwaukee.  When it didn’t sell, due to the market dropping right then, we were discouraged with our lot.  But we kept praying, and in time, about a month before Christmas, we started seriously talking about moving back to MN to be closer to my family.  By the time we put up the house in early January, we were sure of it.  When we got the news we’d sold the house the following day, we were shocked and frantically packed, made plans where to live, started finding a job, etc.

Fast forward to today: After spending about 7 mths with my grandparents, God blessed our patience with the short-sale process with a home twice the size of our old one, for the same amount of $$ a month, on $20,000 less income, with a great yard in a small town with awesome neighbors, a wonderful church, and a great co-op.  We have never been happier.

My point is…  Perhaps God is getting you ready for something?  Who knows?  It took us 8 years of marriage to finally feel it was time to move away from WI.  I know sometimes it comes sooner, and sometimes longer.  Being unhappy where you are isn’t necessarily wrong.  I was unhappy, but at least I was thankful for a house to live in, great neighbors, a great church, friends, family, my dh’s job, etc.  But it just didn’t feel like “home,” kwim?  But being there taught hubby and me some things – independence, patience with His timing, contentment while hoping and planning for better someday, among many other things.  He did use that time for some great good lessons for us.  All in all, while Milwwaukee still holds some bittersweet (and some not so sweet) memories for us, I am thankful for the lessons He taught us while there, and for the fact that my 4 sweet children were born there and it is their first home.

Take it all to God.  He knows what is best for you, and even though it sometimes is hard to see through the fog of life, He’s still there, directing everything to be perfect for you and your family.  (((hugs)))  I’m sure you’ve talked to your dh, too (it sounds like you have).  Perhaps he is feeling the same way and isn’t sure what God is telling him, either.  My dh was on the fence with moving to MN for years until right before that last Christmas.  Once he was ready, it all happened in a whirlwind (and I’d been hoping and praying for years for that “yes!” LOL).

I hope this helps,

Sara  🙂

[Amy]

Thanks for the story, Sara.

In addition to warming my heart, your story makes a couple of great points about knowing when the time is right & making use of your support network when making a move.

Amy