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What is your bad conquences giving to your kids?
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If bitter things are coming out of their mouths, it is good for them taste what bitterness is.
Actually, vinegar is an acid and is sour. If you want to teach what bitterness is you’ll have to find something else.
We’ve never used such techniques because it can put you into a situation you can’t win. My mom used to place mustard on our tongues in the same way vinegar has been mentioned. I have childhood memories of backtalking (sorry mom) and then refusing to open my mouth for the mustard. It escalated into a wrestling match with my mom sitting on top of me and trying to hold my nose to get my mouth open while I flailed. We didn’t want to go there with our kids.
…lets say you take away the speaking previledge but they do not follow tru, what do you do then (because that happens all the time here)?
Our solution for infractions of the mouth was usually time away from everyone. If you can’t speak nicely then you can’t be with us and be part of what we’re doing.
So many of these kinds of things are about getting attention or trying to make others feel bad. If a child has to go sit in his room with the door closed until he is ready to use speech worthy of sharing then it takes away the ability to affect others with his vitriol.
We would usually give a gentle reminder first, such as “that is not how we speak” to the younger ones, and maybe “you’re allowed to disagree with me but must do so respectfully” to the older ones.
Such wonderful ideas! I agree Doug. I have a very strong willed child and he back talks to correcting back talk.
I also have a “O” tolerance for it. He is allergic to vinegar, mustard, ect.. So we had to send him away to his room. However, He will continue the talk back when you send him there. Then comes the big guns!!!
He must stay in his room and clean it and can’t come down until it is done. This happened this morning as a matter of fact.
I hate when this interupts our mornings. We have so much to do and so little time. Even though he is in his room I wish he was down doing his lessons with us. Does that sound Crazy????
Well, at least his room is clean today!
Oh, I forgot to add. If school work and chores are not done then they can’t go anywhere fun.
Like we skip the beloved Library day. they have a chance on Wed. If it doesn’t get done on Wed. then they can try for Friday. Same with a few other activities we do. Also their behavior must be in check the day we go.
If not the offender/offenders don’t go.
I hate when this interupts our mornings. We have so much to do and so little time. Even though he is in his room I wish he was down doing his lessons with us.
That’s a good part of natural consequences. If a child wastes school time by misbehaving (or dawdling) then he has to do his school work later when he would normally have free time or a fun activity. That’s a consequence directly tied to the offense.
And the key in any of this is your consistent follow through.
I’m so happy that this is being discussed, we are having a bit of a crisis in our house right now.
My girls are 8 and 10. We’ve never had discipline problems that we couldn’t handle, nothing too terrible. But lately they have developed issues with smart-mouths, bickering with each other, not responding the first time I ask them to do something, etc. It’s funny, I guess since I spend all day with them I didn’t notice it creeping on. But my husband noticed it.
We talked about it the other night and he admitted that it bothers him so much that sometimes he dreads coming home from work and listening to them. This breaks his heart, because he loves them and wants to come home to a peaceful house where he can spend time with us and rest from a tough day. So I’m trying to figure out what I can do to turn this ship around! Right now we just do time-outs in the corner, but I have to admit that they are growing out of that one. The hard part is at the beginning, I suppose. There are going to be some days where we don’t get a lot of schoolwork done because they are spending time in their rooms or doing extra chores. I’m dreading it myself, it’s going to be miserable for all of us.
My older dd is very bossy. She is a perfectionist and expects everyone to do things right (her way). Her worst offenses are bickering with her sister, and giving her orders (often repeating what I just said). I have to constantly remind her that her mother is sitting right here, she doesn’t need to tell her anything.
My younger dd responds to everything she doesn’t like with crying and wailing (like she’s 4 years old). She often waits until I have repeated myself 3 or 4 times before she’ll obey.
What kinds of consequenses should I impose? My girls are wonderful, I’m sure it’s just my lack of attention and follow through that got us into this mess.
@Doug Smith, HAHAHA re: the vinegar! I will say, however, that we’ve never had a “wrestling match” with the kids. We’ve actually never had to hold our kids down or wrestle them to enforce any consequence. They usually accept punishment pretty well…
Just wanted to throw that out there. It is possible to administer vinegar (or mustard or hot sauce) and not have a fighting match. We’ve done it many times.
She often waits until I have repeated myself 3 or 4 times before she’ll obey.
I think you may have just nailed a big part of the problem right there. Don’t repeat yourself.
I would suggest taking some time to write out the rules of the house and what the (preferably natural) consequences will be for various infractions. Then meet as a family and state that there are going to be some changes. Explain what you would like the atmosphere of your home to be and how the current situation hurts everyone. Go over the rules and consequences together. Explain that you expect complete obedience when told the first time with no backtalking or the consequences will be applied swiftly. Optionally, you might add permission and instruction on how to ask questions or disagree in a respectful way and without challenging your authority.
It sounds really simple, and it is. But it’s incredibly difficult because it won’t work unless you stick with it and are consistent in the application of what you’ve decided…even when it’s inconvenient for you.
By the way, have you grabbed our free Smooth and Easy Days book yet? It might be of help in thinking through this.
I agree with Lindsay on the vinegar – even if it isn’t ‘bitter’! It is much more effective in helping my very strong willed boys reign in their tongue than any other discipline method we have tried.
And no wrestling matches! They may be stong willed, but they aren’t crazy enough to lay a hand on Momma :)!
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