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"What do YOU do for work?"
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As my husband has recently began pastoring a new church, I have been asked many times “So, what do YOU do for work?” by the ladies that attend. Most of these ladies either are or were working moms. We are the only homeschooling family in this group and I’m feeling a little out-of-place. When I answer “I stay home”, it is usually answered with a flat “Oh.” One person has even suggested ways I can find work. It is probably my own insecurity or fear of being judged, but I have begun to feel guilty or that maybe I am lazy. My children are in their teens; we graduated our oldest last spring; so not having young ones at home makes me feel like I should be out working; As a single-income family, we certainly could use the money. But I cannot see how that can work out as we continue homeschooling. We have 4 years left and are committed to homeschooling. I know it’s biblical to be “a keeper at home” and for many years the majority of women I have been around have been homeschooling stay-at-home moms, too. So I’m a little out of sorts as to how to respond. I don’t want to sound defensive, I don’t want them to feel like I’m looking down on them b/c they have chosen otherwise. Any suggestions? What do you say when someones asks you “What do YOU do for work?”, expecting you to give them the name of your profession or employer?
I go with, “I’m blessed to stay home with my children. We’re homeschooling them, which is quite an adventure.”
Lazy would not be an adjective I would think of describing the life of a homeschool mom. That is so much work, rewarding but still! You could say you work 5 jobs full time at home, teacher, cook, cleaning lady, nurse and counselor! (you could probably think of a few more…)
Sister, you’re in a position to live out the Titus 2 life for other wives to see. You’re in a position to be an example of teaching what is good, of showing younger women how to love their husbands and children, of being busy in your home. The grass is NOT greener on the working mom side. It’s more busy and it’s divided. As stay at home moms, we have unique opportunities to focus on what is important, and at the end of the day, extra income is not as important as our children’s hearts.
May the Lord reaffirm to you that you are where He wants you to be! May the other wives see the wisdom that you have to offer, and may there be opportunity to point these other precious wives and mothers to Jesus.
I don’t think there is anything lazy about being a SAHM. 😉
I hope that people can see my family making one income stretch to cover our needs and give it a try themselves. I think more moms would like to stay home, but don’t think they can. It’s funny how so many women pushed to have the choice to get jobs outside the home, but it’s come so far the other way that staying home is no longer considered a viable option. 🙁
You’ve gotten some great answers so far.
I just wanted to encourage you to tell the women from church that you and your husband feel like God wants you to homeschool, so that’s what you work at (along with all the other Mothering/ Homemaking jobs you do).
I don’t think they can fight against the “God told me to” line – because they don’t know whether He did or not (and it certainly doesn’t go against Scripture). They could make fun of it or something, but that’s not too likely to happen. And in time, I think after they get to know you and your family better, they’ll see the work you’re doing.
Please don’t let them make you second-guess yourself — be strong and courageous, through God’s strength. And give them time to get to know you! 🙂
Good answers! Like some have already mentioned, being a keeper at home and making your resources stretch is working and providing for your family too. I bet as you get to know the ladies more, you could even offer to show them how to help stretch their resources. Though some like to work outside the home, others would rather not if they thought it was possible and there were ways to make the most of what they have. There’s also ways to make money from home, and if a woman chooses to do that to contribute, that’s cool too.
The perception that the words “stay at home mom” gives is why I wish it were not in common usage.
Words like:
I’m a homemaker
I work in the home
have action connected to them which, frankly SAHM does not. It means “stay at home”; no action or creative work or contribution to family does it connote. I don’t know who started that modern phrase, but I think it completely misrepresents the hardest job that exists, with less vacation, pay, and appreciation, and sometimes it takes years before you see any positive fruit from it. That is not something that happens when you work outside the home-there is more immediate gratification and results of your productivity then.
I would firmly, but humbly challenge the premise of their question and then ask them if they realize how insulting and frankly condescending the question is, and begin telling them that you have multiple jobs and if they have the time, you’d be happy to give them a list of all the jobs that you do:
to create a home, invest time and energy to facilitate the raising up of good, G-dly citizens and productive adults full-time, nourish souls, educate, plan their entire education through research and detailed planning and decision-making, meal plan, clean house, do accounting (if you handle the bills), further educate yourself, teach accounting, science, math, social studies, civics, economics, literary analysis, blah, blah blah…
Yes, and all the nicer things said above.
Yep, kinda grumpy tonight…
^Not a big fan of the “stay at home” phrase either as far as what you DO goes. I totally agree with you, Rachel. Sometimes I would like to just stay at home and not do, haha.
I love these responses. I have a bit of a snarky side, so my answer to this question would be “I’m a teacher.” If anyone cares to know, rather than just making meaningless small talk, they might ask “Where do you teach?” Then I can explain that I teach 5th, 3rd and 1st grade in a one room schoolhouse. LOL.
You said that you have 4 years of homeschooling left. I wouldn’t worry about anything additional for the rest of your homeschool teacher career, unless it is a real financial need for your family. (In which case, there are ways to make it work, even with homeschooling.) However, after your kids are done school, if you still feel like you want to be doing something more, you can then look at your options. And I mean if YOU actually feel led to work in some way, not just because other people seem to think you should. You could take some time now to think about what you might do when you are finished homeschooling, and perhaps start developing skills or taking a course or two towards that goal. But seriously, only if you and your husband feel it is right for you and your family and only if it is not going to cause you to sacrifice time on your current calling as homeschooling teacher and mom. The only other one whose opinion matters is the One you go to in prayer!
I remember first meeting another woman who once asked (as I was serving her dinner in my home), “So, do you work?”
I just kind of stopped and looked at her and said, “All the time.”
That pretty much answered that!
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