Well-meaning friend's advice

I agree with mom2five 🙂

Yes, way too often as mom’s we seem to know what is best, even for others 😉 (I have had to stop giving advice often, especially after my first I thought I knew everything until my 2nd was born, then I realized I didn’t know much, haha)

I nursed my kids it seemed non stop for the first 8 weeks. I was told to do this or that by so many different people (even my mom would give input especially about nursing since she liked “schedules” more)… but you know what, I did what worked for us. My boys gained a pound/week, it was crazy, but they were happy little babies who slowed down on their own over time (though a 16.5# 2 month old was heavy, haha). My first two slept through the night at 12 weeks, my 3rd didn’t sleep through the night until 2 years (and he still often wakes up for a hug). Kids are all so different and as parents we are different too 🙂

When that happens, I smile and nod, thank them for the suggestions and let them know that I am doing what works now for us, but who knows what the future holds so I will keep their advice in mind. Because it is true… even a week for now everything can change and their advice might be exactly what I need.

As for swaddling, my kids did not like it, they liked hands free so they were the ones that quickly let others know that they didn’t want to be swaddled, I rarely said anything about that 🙂

Enjoy your “baby moon” and new born snuggles. Do what works for you and your child and try not to let others advice way to heavy on you. Smile, thank them, and move on. If needed sometimes you have to be direct, but hopefully if a good friend she will understand too 🙂

The beauty of breastfeeding, as with homeschooling, is to be in tune with what your baby and child needs.

People giving unsolicited advice, even if well meaning, are the most annoying things to deal with when you are a parent.

If you have a LLL group near by that is a great way to vent and get support on these issues.

So, I totally bristled when you said she takes him from you and swaddles you. I don’t care WHO the person is – NO ONE is going to take MY baby from me, and swaddle him if I don’t want him to be.

Oh my. I don’t even think I could be gracious there, so kudos to you for remaining calm.

So… honestly? Ignore them. They’re well meaning but they know nothing when it comes to your baby and his needs. You just go ahead and nurse him whenever he wants, for as long as he wants. If you don’t want to swaddle him – don’t. And DON’T let anyone take him from you and swaddle him. Just say, “No thank you, I appreciate your concern, but we have researched our decisions.”

And if it makes you feel any better. My son was a glutton 🙂 Born 8 lbs 5 oz, he was 20 lbs by 6 months…. lol. He nursed often and lots. He would chug for an hour. Today, he is a well proportioned, slim 60 lb 9.5 year old 🙂

My SIL’s son, was a sumo baby. He was born around 9 lbs, and was 20 lbs at 3 months. Seriously – he had fat rolls on his fat rolls. He was ginormous. She nursed on demand. And today he is a tall, lanky 11 year old, perfectly healthy.

As for sleeping. That’s hogwash. All babies have different sleeping habits. My first slept through the night starting at 6 weeks. My second slept through the night… hmm…. well, never?  She’s 6.5 and still wakes up most nights (though to be fair there are medical reasons for that).

What blows me away is how they’re treating you like a first-time mom. This is your 5th child!!! At any rate, I guess all you can do is ignore it and laugh it off. But please, under no circumstances, let anyone take your child from you and wrap them against your will, or take them from you saying they don’t need to eat right now etc… That sets up very unhealthy boundaries – good friend or not.

Congrats on the new wee one!

I have only 4 kids, 16 to 7, but one thing I have learned is that there are many ways to parent well and each family is unique.  You know what works for you and yours, so go forth with confidence.  You might have to take a step back from the friendship for a bit if the friend is too pushy, but please accept that just because she does it differently, doesn’t mean it’s wrong or that her babies will be harmed.  (Not that you are assuming this, mrsmccardell. I’m speaking forum wide with that statement.)

My own babies were 10 lbs plus at birth.  I was a scheduler, working to get my babies on a 2.5-3 hour schedule from birth. ? One slept through 5 hours a night from birth on her own and all slept 5-8 hours by 6 weeks old.  Yes, I let a couple of them cry it out for 2-3 evenings. I functioned better, my family functioned better with a more regularly scheduled routine and my babies were fine! My kids are happy and well-adjusted. This is what worked best for my family. I’ve no desire to convert anyone to doing it my way, but simply share that to point out it is erroneous to assume babies will be harmed if you follow a more regular routine.

Unsolicited advice can be annoying and frustrating, even if well-meaning. I’ve known moms who are struggling to demand feed and function. Conversely, I’ve known moms who try to strictly schedule and it just isn’t working for them for whatever reason.  Many, if not most, wind up someplace in the middle ground.

My point is simply that parenting a newborn is one of those things that we feel our way through and have to do what works for us.   There’s a lot of leeway when it comes to raising kids right and it’s easy to think our own way is best.  We need to be gracious toward others’ choices, seek wisdom and advice when needed, try something different when warranted, be confident in our instincts and decisions, and be willing to tell others to mind their own business if need be.

Oh my goodness,  I think your friend is taking things a bit too far and being a bit pushy!  I second everything Missceegee said.  I was a scheduler too.  I fed my babies when they were hungry and tried to get my babies onto a regular schedule.   I have 6 children and it worked well for all of them.  With all of that said, that is what was best for me and my family.  I certainly don’t feel it is any of my business to tell other moms what is best for them.  I have plenty of friends that demand fed their babies for quite a while.  Your baby is still young and whatever approach you take is beside the point.  I’m not sure if your friend knows that you won’t speak up for yourself, but none of my friends would dare to treat me this way.  I don’t suggest being rude, but I would recommend being straight forward and ask your friend to please respect your choices.  Setting up some boundaries would be helpful to say the least!  If she ever attempts to take your baby from you like that again, I would put my hand up and simply say, NO!!!