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Trying to get attention…
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I have noticed my dd (almost 5) trying to get the attention of people who come to our house by doing off-the-wall things. Our guest(s) will come in and sit down, and she will immediately begin trying to take over the conversation and their attention. She will say things like, “Watch how I can hop like a kangaroo!” and then proceed to start hopping. Our company will, of course, tell her she’s a good hopper, to which she will come up with something else to get their attention (i.e. “See how fast I can run” or “Watch how I can dance like a ballerina”). I have asked her not to do this because I know that our guests didn’t just come over to watch her dance or jump, and also it makes me feel awkward that my child is doing all this to be the center of attention. I have tried to get her to sit down and be part of the conversation, and I’ve also tried asking her to go play. (I should mention that if our guests bring children over, she is content to take those children to her room or outside and play with them. She only exhibits this behavior when it’s all adults.)
Does this behavior mean we’re not giving her enough attention? Is this normal for her age and because she’s a second-born? Any suggestions about how to stop this behavior? Or, does it even need to be addressed? Am I overreacting?
~Lindsey
Lindsey – It doesn’t sound like you’re overreacting, I am also embarrased when my children do things like that – I don’t know if it’s because of a lack of attention – I often wonder about certain behavior with my own girls age 6 and 4 and even the almost 2 year old – is that bad behavior a result of something I’m failing to provide for them – and guess what most of the time I think it is a lack of discipline that I’m failing to provide – though it’s always good to analyze your own behavior to make sure not only that you are giving your children enough love, but also that they are getting the KIND of love that they need. Have you read the five love languages book? I had read it when I was first married and I know there’s one for children, and I hadn’t really thought about much until my husband brought up that I need to be more loving to our second child. Now, I am loving in MY way to our second child – I spend quality time with her (MY love language) and I give her lots of words of affirmation (my oldest daughter’s love language), BUT I realized I was not giving her nearly enough of the love that she needed in HER love language – physical affection. I have a toddler AND I’m nine months pregnant and just not a cuddly person by nature, so I hadn’t realized that I was just not hugging her and holding her and snuggling her as much as she needed – now that I’m making a concerted effort I’m noticing a drastic difference in our “stand-offs”. She’s the “strong willed” type and I’m finding that if I’m holding/hugging/touching her – she’s much more responsive to my requests. All that to say – do consider if you’re loving/providing attention for your child in a way that’s meaningful to her.
Now, even if you’re falling short in this area I DO think that you need to discipline your child for this behavior. It’s prideful to want to be the center of attention and she’s old enough for it to be addressed. Next time you have adult guests coming to your home I would have a talk with her ahead of time letting her know that she may perform/show a special piece of artwork/etc… (but it MUST be something of value that she has put time and energy into – perhaps even a handicraft gift for the guest or scripture memory – not hopping like a kangaroo) – so she gets to show ONE thing to the guest at the appropriate time that YOU set. After that she must…. whatever you decide, sit quietly or color or whatever. If she tries to continue to dominate the conversation then she must go to her room for the rest of the visit – if she’s prone to tantrums then you may want to give this a practice with a VERY understanding guest who will not mind her fit in her room and your leaving to deal with it. I think it’s natural for children to crave attention, certainly not uncommon, but if not addressed, the cute prancing five year old becomes a very annoying adult.
Hope that’s helpful to you!
Rebekah
Rebekah,
I love the idea of telling them ahead of time that they are welcome to share 1 thing that is of value. We’ve had periods of this type of behavior that we’ve managed to redirect, but this is a great idea.
Currently I’m working on helping my 2 oldest remember not to say, “I’ve worked really hard on ???,” when they’ve taken but a few moments to put something together. This is an obvious exaggeration and typically happens when it’s something of little value to even them. I put this type of thing in that same attention-grabbing category.
Thanks for the tip!
Christie
A typical 5 year old is able to realize that guests need to feel welcomed. However, they easily confuse this with thinking they need to be entertained. They want to give them their best and what could be better than all of their own feats and creations? Just like a little one will think more candy is better, they will think that more of themselves is best for everyone involved. What I have told my children is to pretend they are a bird in a cage and to watch me. They are to do what I do. That has helped to train them in the niceties of hospitality. True bibilical hospitality is serving others out of what you already have and so, as they get older, they can start looking for the needs of their guests and seeing how they can fulfill those needs. For example, the guest needs a place to hang their coat, they may need a drink of cold water, they may need some quiet conversation, etc…
Blessings,
Cindy
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