Trying to get attention…

Lindsey – It doesn’t sound like you’re overreacting, I am also embarrased when my children do things like that – I don’t know if it’s because of a lack of attention – I often wonder about certain behavior with my own girls age 6 and 4 and even the almost 2 year old – is that bad behavior a result of something I’m failing to provide for them – and guess what most of the time I think it is a lack of discipline that I’m failing to provide – though it’s always good to analyze your own behavior to make sure not only that you are giving your children enough love, but also that they are getting the KIND of love that they need.  Have you read the five love languages book?  I had read it when I was first married and I know there’s one for children, and I hadn’t really thought about much until my husband brought up that I need to be more loving to our second child.  Now, I am loving in MY way to our second child – I spend quality time with her (MY love language) and I give her lots of words of affirmation (my oldest daughter’s love language), BUT I realized I was not giving her nearly enough of the love that she needed in HER love language – physical affection.  I have a toddler AND I’m nine months pregnant and just not a cuddly person by nature, so I hadn’t realized that I was just not hugging her and holding her and snuggling her as much as she needed – now that I’m making a concerted effort I’m noticing a drastic difference in our “stand-offs”.  She’s the “strong willed” type and I’m finding that if I’m holding/hugging/touching her – she’s much more responsive to my requests.  All that to say – do consider if you’re loving/providing attention for your child in a way that’s meaningful to her. 

Now, even if you’re falling short in this area I DO think that you need to discipline your child for this behavior.  It’s prideful to want to be the center of attention and she’s old enough for it to be addressed.  Next time you have adult guests coming to your home I would have a talk with her ahead of time letting her know that she may perform/show a special piece of artwork/etc… (but it MUST be something of value that she has put time and energy into – perhaps even a handicraft gift for the guest or scripture memory – not hopping like a kangaroo) – so she gets to show ONE thing to the guest at the appropriate time that YOU set.  After that she must…. whatever you decide, sit quietly or color or whatever.  If she tries to continue to dominate the conversation then she must go to her room for the rest of the visit – if she’s prone to tantrums then you may want to give this a practice with a VERY understanding guest who will not mind her fit in her room and your leaving to deal with it.  I think it’s natural for children to crave attention, certainly not uncommon, but if not addressed, the cute prancing five year old becomes a very annoying adult.

Hope that’s helpful to you!

Rebekah

A typical 5 year old is able to realize that guests need to feel welcomed. However, they easily confuse this with thinking they need to be entertained. They want to give them their best and what could be better than all of their own feats and creations? Just like a little one will think more candy is better, they will think that more of themselves is best for everyone involved. What I have told my children is to pretend they are a bird in a cage and to watch me. They are to do what I do. That has helped to train them in the niceties of hospitality. True bibilical hospitality is serving others out of what you already have and so, as they get older, they can start looking for the needs of their guests and seeing how they can fulfill those needs. For example, the guest needs a place to hang their coat, they may need a drink of cold water, they may need some quiet conversation, etc…

Blessings,

Cindy