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Transfer from Sonlight, burned out newbie!
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Hi everyone, newbie here! Some brief background, I have two sons ages 5 and 7. I’ve homeschooled my oldest from “preschool” to now second grade. This is my youngest first year (kinder, obviously!). I have used Sonlight for all my homeschooling and it really worked for us the previous years. However, we are about 12 weeks into this school year and it has been absolutely miserable for all parties involved. My 7 year old is completely over the chore of school and dreads even hearing the word. And my little 5 year old who was so eager to start school and be like his big brother absolutely can’t stand it. Every day is riddled with arguments, bad attitudes, tears and meltdowns. I am completely burned out! There is no joy in our school days and because they hate it, they aren’t retaining anything. I feel like I’m completely inadequate to do this and they would be better off in public school. *deep breath*
I’ve been studying about the CM way of homeschooling for some time now and the way people talk about this method is so passionate. They talk about kids with strong characters and good moral habits who love school. I feel like a kid with my face pressed up against the glass of a candy shop. I want what’s in there, too! I’m looking for some solid advice about how to make the transition from Sonlight to CM that can be put into practice. My disconnect is that I see a good deal of similarities between Sonlight and CM and I wonder will it be an easier transition that way or just more of the same struggles?
Some struggles:
I will openly admit this. I don’t have a plan for our home school outline. I fell in love with Sonlight the minute I discovered homeschooling (before I was even pregnant) and just *knew* it would be perfect for us. And when we had two great years with it, I knew my choice was solidified. They knew what they were doing, I just needed to follow along! But this year has rocked my world and I find myself staring down the line at 13 years of school without Sonlight’s meticulous IG and I am terrified. I don’t know what I’m supposed to teach a second grader! What are you supposed to absolutely know at the end of kindergarten? I remember nap time, blocks and chocolate milk from my elementary school years! So when I read the blogs of CM and they talk about plotting their years and four years loops, my head starts to spin. I look at the lap books and notebooks with envy and fear. My eldest absolutely hates writing and drawing to the point it baffles me. The one to two sentences that Sonlight requires in Copywork without fail brings tears and broken pencils and purchasing Draw Write Now ended in a ripped up book. Filled notebooks with beautiful crayon drawings and slanted kid writing about various subjects seem like a dream we can’t achieve. My youngest is the opposite. He can’t stand the listening. Even for a one page colorful Usborne book, I’ve lost him in his own imagination. He’ll play with the pencil, the eraser, his hands, a piece of lint lying nearby rather than listen. I tried giving him legos or playdoh to keep him occupied while listening but it ended up just being playtime. He completely shuts me out. He loved the dollar store workbooks he did during preschool but the vast amount of having to just listen to me read is not working for him. But my oldest could listen all day if it meant he didn’t have to be doing something (math or writing). I don’t know how to reach them both and while I know on some subjects they just are not going to be on the same level (like math), I dreamed of doing things with learning together and just tweaking the expectations of both. I don’t blame them for not liking school. I look back at my time in public elementary school (90s kid here) with fond memories of arts and crafts, puppet shows, field day, field trips, playing on the recorder, laughing with friends and the amazing moment they wheeled in the TV for movie day. My kids get almost none of that. We’re either too angry and upset with each other just trying to get through the meat of the work, we never do the extra stuff or we run out of time because a one page math worksheet turned into a three hour battle of the wills. Forget about taking your bad attitude to the zoo, you just gave me a migraine over adding three digit numbers!
Sorry for the long (vent) post. We have taken the rest of the year off to enjoy the holidays and so I can reevaluate what we’re doing and come up with a better plan for the rest of the school year. I’m hoping people here can give me some advice on how to have a better school situation and how to make the transition from Sonlight to Charlotte Mason (and if I even should). Thanks everyone!
– One Stressed Out Mom
Deep breath!!! Remember they are still really little! More important than what they learn is that they enjoy learning right now. If your 2nd grader hates math worksheets, don’t do them!! Play a board game and call it math. Two sentences of copywork causes issues? Have him make mail or homemade books to practice his writing. Also, your five year old shouldn’t be doing any desk work unless he is asking for it. CM advocated no formal lessons until age 6 unless they are asking for it. what sort of books are you reading aloud? Feel free to read picture books to both of them! I have a new 5yo (along with 9, 7 and 1), and she does tag along with things and listen to readings, but I have no expectation of that. She has a calendar that she writes the date and colors in patterns. Only because she likes it though!
There is a book I found really helpful for these ages. It’s called the 3 R’s, by Ruth beechick. Not specifically cm, but lines up nicely.
We did Sonlight for Kindergarten with my now 9 year old. Although I loved the curriculum and chosen living books I felt it was way too much for a Kindergartner. If I can remember it had some CM methods, I just think with CM it seems like less material and worksheets and CM encourages to go more at the child’s pace.
I then tried MFW for two years and now am on my second year of CM. I too was like you and felt like I wanted what everyone else had in the CM world! I am learning that me and my kids may not fit completely with CM but am still so happy that I have found it and use this method as much as I can. My girls 9, 6 and 4 struggle with wanting to hear me read to them. Especially my 9 year old. It is something we are still learning to do together as I didn’t do this in their earlier years as much as I wished. And I particularly don’t enjoy it as much as I hoped I would! I compare myself too much to others who do CM in this area and need to give myself more grace. I set my hopes up for something grand and LOVE the idea of CM but am still struggling with it. And it may take time. It has gotten better but I am wondering if I am trying to mold my kids to something that they may not fit into because sometimes CM looks to be very dreamy in my mind and I want it so bad for us. I know some of my girls seem to learn better through technology (online learning games, etc) than they do from me and enjoy it. So I am trying to find that balance and realize its ok, even if its not CM.
I would say homeschooling has gotten so much better for us since we veered more to CM and have less worksheets, more living books and play and explore more. I know for me personally I realized how I much I beat myself up when I don’t get all the boxes checked on those schedules or if they don’t complete a worksheet, so I do better without them. It just takes more effort now on my part to plan. With all that said I may have not been much help but would say that CM has changed our homeschool for the better just in the fact that it helped me relax and show me that I was doing way more than I should have been with my little’s and making myself miserable. I would just encourage you to try it, give yourself time and grace, find what works best for your family. If a little of this and a little of that put together works, go for it. Also, I would recommend Life of Fred for math! Both of my girls love it. After tears and fighting with math with other curriculum my kids now beg for more. But I know every kid is different! We also did the SCM math at first and enjoyed that for the basics. I am no CM expert (only in this for almost 2 yrs) and still learning! Hope you find some answers! 🙂
You have come to the right place. There are a lot of seasoned CM mamas here that can help. I came to CM later, so I don’t know as much, but I can testify that this group of ladies have a lot of great advice. Keep asking questions, and take it slowly. Think about what is working with your older son and start with that.
My dd8 loves card games for math and math literature read alouds such as the Math Start series. We have started and stopped a lot of different math programs, and I am not sure what the future holds. It is ok though, because she is progressing and games work with her. It takes awhile to figure out what works best for each child.
The more time you spend studying each child and praying;) the sooner you will figure it out;)
Of course children change, and so do their needs at specific times, so it isn’t an exact science.
Coming up with lesson plans that you can execute is very important too. If you need a written plan for it to happen, then so be it.
I tried to teach several curricula that didn’t have specific lesson plans and it didn’t go well.
For example with history, I learned that I would rather use SCM and substitute a lot of the books (writing my choices in pencil) and use their guide with my lesson days numbered than piece together my own.
You can do this!
OSOM;
You made me laugh; I can feel your sense of humor even though you are ready to throw something.:-) You are not alone. The first book I ever read, For the Children’s Sake, was given to me by a close friend when I mentioned wanting to homeschool. I fell in LOVE with the idea of Charlotte Mason but was like, “How in the heck can I create that at home?” So, I promptly looked for a school that practiced this type of learning. I laugh at that now, fast forward to 3 years later. It is super overwhelming, if you have no background, with Charlotte Mason schooling. I believe everyone feels a connection to it, because there is so much truth at the core of it. It is a great way to teach and learn.
I too, have a child that the first two years went great. (We did Classical Converstaions because the thought of doing it alone terrified me.) Then suddenly there was lots of fighting around school. My, once LOVED to learn child, had developed a loathing towards learning. I felt like a failure and I certainly know I am not cut out for this. (But, God keeps telling me I am.:-)
So, we took a break around Christmas of last year. I literally read everything I could get my hands on regarding Charlotte Mason. I googled every site you can imagine; trying to find her in a box curriculum. After much reading, spending lots of time on this site and Ambleside, and thinking I would go with Heart of Dakota my first year, I began to slowly implement some of CM style. I decided to implement picture study, narration of one literature book, poetry readings, and a couple more (sorry, I can’t remember which ones I chose). We finished out the rest of our Classical Conversations year.
I had found what I thought was the best CM curriculum; Heart of Dakota. I was going to use it for my first year; until I felt confident enough to put together my own plan. I don’t know, after more reading, joining a CM book club, and actually a lot of women on this site, I started to feel confident enough in putting together my own plan. Something also happened inside me; I call it God:-) regarding “What if I miss something or they are not learning all they need to know?” I felt a peace about this. Because I am confident they will no plenty, if not more, than if they were in a public school. I will spend way more time with them daily/individually then they will ever get in school I don’t know, I just felt like they are going to be fine.
Lastly; I believe our kids lead our homeschooling journey. Yes, they are all different and we may need to tweak things to make life and learning enjoyable. But, for the most part, CM really does resonate with all my kids personalities. I can really see them relaxing and our days are so much better. Not perfect; but better. I believe our kids ‘freak out’ when we throw a ‘school like’ curriculum/schedule at them, because no one enjoys learning that way. It is institutionalized. So, they would just ‘check out’ mentally at school. At home, they can literally check out and tell you in negative ways. (Crying, outbursts, etc.. ) Something they probably can’t do at school, but they can throw spit wads at Johnny while teaching is going on.
I think every home school mom hits this wall at some point. Maybe not with school entirely, but maybe a subject in particular. There are twists and winds that take our journey another route. If you want to entertain CM, start slow. Don’t go back to ‘full time’ school after Christmas. Put some of her practices in place and see how it goes. Start slow. Your kids are young and don’t worry about missing something. Just get your family on the path that brings peace and more enjoyment than struggle.
I think you will find, if you choose CM, that you will not be fighting your kids with school everyday. It is scary to have ‘your plan’ backfire or go off the rails. But, look at it as God is fine tuning your plan. Making it work for your family.
When I ran into this, I literally googled something like “I can’t homeschool, this is too hard.” It lead me to CM, indirectly, and I have never really looked back. You will find many women that have been in our shoes, that have the same story. Picked a curriculum, things were going great, then my kid lost all love of learning. It is a pretty common theme, I think.
Anyway, this is getting long. But, I read your post and ‘felt’ where you are at. I have been there. Regrouping is a great idea. Be giving with yourself and as you educate yourself more on CM methods and dive in a bit, you will start to see your path.
I will pray for you! Enjoy your Christmas, maybe read some, and then tackle this after the first of the year. You will be fine! Don’t give up.:-)
Blessings,
Renee
You may find this article on transitioning to a Charlotte Mason education helpful.
There are also many useful videos and articles on Charlotte Mason’s methods in our Learning Library.
I am pretty new at this also. My holders is just K so I am teaching him to read and his very ready 😉 little sis her letters.
One idea I have is to read stories to your kids. I have noticed most usborne books aren’t stories. There are many nice nature stories and history and Geography stories out there for children. I am reading about children and animals around the world with my children. I can give you some of our favorite titles if you like.
So for a CM start do some nature study and read living books for history and science. Do brief ORAL narrations from your older. You can find your own titles or use a guide from CM. Their journaling a year in nature looks good as do their science guides like the pond book guide. A great booklist for history is All through the Ages by Christine Miller. Make a timeline and start going through history chronologically. I have heard a few people say the guides here are better for slightly older children. I am planning to use one for a basic guide and substitute in other books next year.
For your younger pick nice story books and read at least one aloud to him each day. My children are enjoying the “Alfie” books by Shirley Hughes right now. Don’t try to make it scholastic just instill a love for books. Go to the library and pick out books with good characters and pictures ( if your library is better than ours) about something he likes. Avoid “twadly” books (ones based on things like Disney movies, power rangers, Barbie’s… ones with no plot that talk down to children or don’t employ their imagination or brain). My younger has some trouble listening to books so I have had to practice with her reminding her to be quiet and listen to a book I let her pick from our bookcase. Start shorter and work up. He will get it.
That was long! Sorry I hope it helped some;)
I started homeschooling when my youngest was 7 and I pulled my kids from public school because I felt they were getting all fun and no academics plus what academics they were getting, the school was not making sure they did the work. Anyway, I started with Sonlight because I too fell in love with the whole thing being planned for me and I value that one year immensely because it taught me so much about homeschooling. Now with all that said, I now describe Sonlight as homeschool on steroids. It is sooooo much and if you are like me and wanted to do it all because I didn’t want kids to miss any of it, it made the whole thing jjust too too much. It left so many options to add in that I became overwhelmed with trying to add in too much. The next year, I scaled way back and transitioned to CM. Then year after that, I scaled back even more concentrating on quality and not quantity. Even now, most people say that we do too much, but it works for us. We are averaging about 3-4 hours a day. They do about 2 hours individual type work and we do about 2 hours of family type work.
Ironically, I had asked the public school to test my kids because I saw some things that made me believe that one may have dyslexia etc… but the school system would not test until the end of third grade and I thought they would be so behind by then and that was another reason I pulled them and when I chose curriculum, that was always at the back of my mind that is they did have a learning disability, would this method be a good one. Turns out 4 years later, my children have gone through some testing and both have ADHD (we are not medicating currently and are using alternative methods), one child has Dyslexia, and both are being tested for Irlens. Now, I am one of those people that constantly gets compliments on my children’s behavior. Even at home, my kids are pretty mild mannered and it was a complete shock to find out that they are indeed ADHD. Had they stayed in public school they would be behind and struggling and I believe that. It is because I homeschool that they have been able to learn in ways that was best for them. Through trial and error, I found what worked for us. My dyslexic son can not copy things without it being a chore he finds so difficult that it causes him great struggles to complete. He listens super great when I allow him to be in constant motion. He plays basketball with a mini hoop while I read using a microphone so that I can be loud enough for him to hear me. I know this works because he usually never wants me to stop reading (I always leave him wanting more) and he can narrate back to me what I read with accuracy. My daughter usually does arts and crafts while I read and again I am always amazed at how she can sit and create something, but still follow what I am reading, but again with narration I know that they are not only hearing the story, but most times they are making connections with real life experiences etc because they feel free here to talk about those things as well where they would never develop that critical thinking in public school. I hated learning by flashcards as a child and I still despise them today and is the single most reason why I didn’t choose classical curriculum because the younger grades memorize so much and usually by flashcards. So, when my kids learned their times tables, I used Times tales dvd which teaches a story for each one. this worked like a charm for us. My kids both have problems writing things down, but can tell me what to write with no problems, so I use technology in our homeschool. My daughter prefers to type her papers on google docs and emails it to me for tweaking ideas and then I send it back to her for corrections and it goes back and forth until it is complete and which point I print it and file it with her other school work. My son prefers to use speech to text and so he dictates what he wants to say and then he goes through and makes corrections before he sends it to me for tweaking ideas. etc.
Your kids are still so little and so the main thing I say to you is to focus on good habits at this point and not context so much. Meaning make school time adventurous, intriguing, and always leave them wanting more at the end of the day. This means that each subject needs to be super short, take lots of breaks, and use real life chores, experience, and daily activities as learning experiences. You are correct that if you are not enjoying your time with them and they are not enjoying their time with you, this will not lead to a valuable learning experience. Focus on behavior habits and learning habits and once you know your children and how each one learns the best, then and only then will you be able to make your home school work for you all. Do they like crafts, lapbooks and unit studies may be the best way to go. I use car trips to listen to audio books.
Don’t give up, you can have that home school of your dreams, but it will take work and cooperation of everyone. My kids have friends that go to public school and are asked all the time why they don’t want to go to public school and kids usually end up talking their friends into wanting to be home schooled! Just watch your kids and learn their signs for when they are done or for when they are engaged and always encourage the questions.
Hope this helps you and you find some encouragement on your journey.
So has anyone kept using Sonlight but taken a Charlotte Mason approach to using it? Like editing the IGs to take up four hours in the morning and including music and foreign language a couple days a week?
If you have switched form Sonlight to SCM why do you feel they could not integrate? Or if you still use some Sonlight in what ways is the curriculum compatible with the approach?
The reason I ask is I am not a “true” homeschooler and go through a charter that will be providing us with the BookShark curriculum. It is similar to Sonlight but secular and we have a weekly turn in and conversation with a teacher. We get free curriculum, school supplies and a computer which makes homeschooling accessible for my family at this point.
I feel my values align to the Charlotte Mason approach as well as my child’s learning style. He is very tactile and loves to build with clay or draw while I rad him stories. His attention span is very short but he can complete projects that interest him. In the afternoon when he does independent projects I usually have classical music playing in the background. I am hoping to teach him piano and French although they will not be part of his official school day. We do lessons four mornings a week and on Friday either volunteer or go hiking etc, well depending on the weather the past few weeks have been fairly boring.
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