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Toddlers in church
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Hi all!
I’d love to know what you all expect of a toddler in church. My DD is 17 months old. I’d like to avoid toys, food, and other distractions. I’d like her to sit in a chair or on a lap or stand in front of her chair. I don’t want to expect too much for her age but I don’t want to allow things I will ultimately want to eliminate thus creating bad habit that later must be broken.
Thoughts?
Thanks!
Dana
Hi Dana, when we bring ours into the service at 2, we bring a simple bible picture book, crayons and paper or bible coloring book, and maybe a finger fidget type of toy. We’ve done this with all of our four kids now and they make the transition from having a busy bag to not easily. I do not expect my now 3 yo to be able to sit perfectly still for 1-1.5 hours. The few little items we bring help set him up for success. I’m sure others have successfully trained their toddlers without these thngs, but I wanted to encourage you that it is ok if it’s a process.
How long is church for you? Our services are 3 hours so what you describe is not workable for a 17 month old. The first hour and 15 minutes is worship service with all families together, then there are sunday school classes the next two hours in various rooms around the building, but a 17 month old would still be with parents.
For the worship service we bring three things: paper, two crayons, and a small, non messy, non sugary snack. The first half hour we require children to sit quietly on the bench with us and listen or just be still. After that we will allow crayon and paper, with snack toward the 1 hour mark to get through that last 15 minutes. They are never allowed to get up from the bench, they must remain sitting. Remember I have 7 kids so we’ve got a full bench and I’ve been through this a number of times…lol. Toys are too distracting for everyone. Because we have such a long church day with 3 hours not counting drive time I do think a snack is appropriate at some point.
For the other 2 hours a little one sits on our lap or at our feet in classrooms. Again, no toys, just crayon and paper, and snack if they have not eaten it. We do get up and move between classrooms usually, and diaper changes are done as needed. It’s a long day for little ones (and big ones too!) but we make it a habit from birth and it works out.
I agree with Tristan in needing to know how long your service is? Ours is an hour. I don’t allow our kids to bring anything. Period, if they do it ends up becoming a toy no matter what it is. The only exception was when ours were little under 2 and had silkies/blankets (small ones). By 2 no silkies except if feeling ill. They stay in the car. Even change in for the offering ends up a toy, so until it’s time for the basket it stays with mom or dad.
My children sit on our laps at the age you mentioned. We work on it at home during family studies, book time and devotionals. They then know what I expect. Even my 2 yrs old dd sat on my lap the entire service today. When we stand I hold her. She knows that when we say the final blessing she may stand in front of me. As she gets older it will lengthen. Which is coming up soon. Then after communion she’ll be allowed to stand in front of me until the end. The goal is by 3 they can sit and stand by themselves in there spots.
Just how we do it, you’ll find your way. Good luck thats such a tricky age.
Our service length is about an hour. It’ll be 3-4 hours in Africa but thankfully I get to start small an build up from there!
Our sevice is 1 hour. There is no nursery or children’s church. Familes worship together, and the vast majority of church members (especially the old ones) LOVE having babies and toddlers in the service. If fact it’s not uncommon to find out your baby is giggling because some senior member is smiling or winking at them. 😉
We don’t do snacks or toys, but our church has little fabric bags with a couple board books, a coloring book and a couple crayons that the kids can take with them. As long as the kids use the stuff quietly so it isn’t a distraction to others I don’t mind it. Ours also have to stand and sit when directed, and being quiet is very important to us. Much more so than whether they are looking at a Jesus picture book or not. As soon as they can understand the words, I will wisper in their ear “Pastor said, ‘Please rise.'” and stand them up; or “Pastor said, ‘You may be seated.'” and sit them down. For encouraging quietness I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wispered into a little ear, “Pastor is talking, people are listening, we need to be very quiet.” Now that dd6 is starting to read, I’m having her put her books/colors aside and follow along with the service. A fair bit of the time ds3 doesn’t bother with the kids bag and just sits on dh’s lap and snuggles. Again, not disturbing fellow worshipers in the non-negotiable part, how that happens is less important.
We’ve never let our children bring true “toys” into church (the 1 exception being that I always keep a small truck in my purse for our son, which has saved us in many tedious waiting situations!), but I usually keep pads of paper and pens/pencils in my purse. I may let them look at a Bible or Bible storybook or flip through the hymnal (if they are able to do so gently)…but not other books. (The idea being that as they grow, they will grow into following along in their Bible and taking notes, so paper, pens/pencils, and Bible are things I don’t have to phase out later.) I have let kids have a snack depending on the context (I’m less comfortable with that now that we are here in Africa), but never gave it to them until the sermon time started. Our youngest who is almost 3 is more of a firecracker than my other two ever were, but I have found that if she brings her special cuddle blanket, she will sit very quietly on my lap. If I do have to remove them from the service on account of being too noisy, I don’t let them get down and run around to play since I don’t want to “reward” that behavior. They have to sit on my lap or be held by me still, just somewhere where their noise is no longer disturbing others.
In the meantime, hang in there…this too shall pass! Toddlers in church isn’t fun, but taking the time to work through the “training” process will pay off in the end!
Jen
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