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Time spent with your kids
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Just wondering, how much of your day do you spend actively engaged with your children? I guess I’m addressing this mostly to moms of younger children. Do you spend parts of your day cleaning/doing chores or projects/etc. on a regular basis? I have two boys 5 & 2. They can play by themselves pretty well, but I rarely engage in any other significant activity when they are awake. I’m not saying I’m always playing with them or reading to them, but just that I don’t do any of my own chores/projects that can’t be done quickly. At this age, is it wise to get them into the habit of having Mom engaged with some household activity for longer than, say 20 minutes? Just knowing what others do will help me to guage where I am with this.
Thanks!
I’ve got three girls 6, 4, and almost 2 and then a baby due the end of this month. I think it’s natural to try to figure out a balance and it’s going to be different for every family – I KNOW that I do not spend enough time actively engaged with my girls because they’ve gotten to a point where they play so well together that I’m able to do other things, but my time doing other things is mismanaged and I know there’s a better balance than what I have achieved. I don’t think there’s any harm in taking time away from your children if they are well-behaved and reasonably trustworthy – not always a strong point for two year olds! But if your toddler is napping, I think it’d be perfectly fine for you to give your five year old a couple of options so that you could do some ironing or pay some bills etc… On the other hand, don’t be afraid to have your children with you when you’re doing chores. When we’re being good on a routine, my girls and I will do 15 minutes of cleaning TOGETHER in the same room. Depending on which room and time of day I’ll even include my 21 month old. I set the timer and give the girls a task in the room that we’re working on that I know they can complete. Because I’ve allowed them to clean with me, my four year old does an excellent job of cleaning the sink and counter and floors in the bathroom (I give them vinegar and water in a spray bottle to clean with). My six year old will do the toilets and even the toddler can take the dirty clothes and throw them down the laundry chute. It’s invaluable life training for them and it’s more fun because we’re all working together and can get it done a lot faster than if I were to do it on my own (provided that I can live with the quality of work they perform – I DO NOT generally clean up behind them because I don’t want to discourage them, I usually just praise them for their effort if they have followed the training I have given them and occassionally I’ll point out a spot they missed as something that was my fault for not having shown them properly how to do something.)
Another thing that is very important for me, is that if I leave my oldest girls alone to play and there is ANY fighting they are immediately separated and assigned an individual activity or I stop what I’m doing to properly supervise them and put an end to the bickering.
Hope that’s helpful!
Rebekah
My girls at home all day are just 5 and almost 8 so it is easier for me to leave them alone for longer periods of time but it has taken practice. One thing I have always tried to do is my personal Bible reading in front of them and expect them not to interupt. I only read 1-3 chapters and journal afterwards so it is not a long time but besides wanting them to see how important daily Bible reading is to me and hopefully cultivating that habit in them by example, it teaches them they have to wait for me to fill their cups or get their crackers. I would think 20 minutes would be a max for a 2 year old although maybe longer with a 5 year old if he likes to “supervise”. Some ideas might be to get them into play dough, cutting magazines with scissors, or listening to a cd while you make beds or fold laundry and gradually lengthen the time you “need” them to respect mommy’s time. If they are playing in the yard you could sit out with them but read a book, cut coupons, or knit while they are supervised but without your direct interaction. I think they are still pretty young, but certainly not too young to practice respecting the fact that you need to get dinner ready for dad without interuption or that you can do something you find fun without interuption for a short time as well.
I stuggle in this area as well. Now that 3 of my boys are older 11-6 I find that my younger one 3.5 will just go out with them and play and then I get “caught” up in what I’m doing. That said I also find once I’m “caught” in what I’m doing I sometimes find it like a glue that I can’t let go of till I’m done. Finding that balance is very hard. I have tried to limit say my computer time to, before they are up, nap time or after they are in bed when at all possible.
I also, try and (have failed greatly lately) to know if I do get “caught” in doing a mom thing that I try to counter balance that with a “kid” thing. Or just remembering to praise them for how well they behavied, played well together, were kind to eacher, and especially with the oldest how well he kept an eye on my 16 mo yr old little girl. That alone will make them remember that mom appreciates them.
Also, on the flip side, yes I try to get the kids to be apart of what I’m doing when ever I can. This is also an area I struggle in because I am a perfectionist. That is not a good thing when it comes to being a mom who is teach her children when we walk, talk, etc. So I have to be sure my heart is in the right spot before I begin. But there is usually something they can do, fold socks, set a table, pick up after there little sister, etc. While I do something else in the room.
I don’t know if I answered your question or just wrote my own thoughts, but either way I hope they bring you some insight. Misty
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