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Thoughts on this written narration?
- This topic has 13 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 8 months ago by
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My 11yo son has started doing written narrations consistently for about 6 weeks. I’d like to know what some more experienced moms have to say about his work. I have typed it exactly as he wrote it. He struggles with capitalization and grammar, but I’m most interested in content and flow. It seems choppy, short and a bit repetitive, but maybe I’m being too picky. 🙂
“Charlemagne”
or “charlesmagnum”
Charlemagne was the grand son of charles the great. He wanted to reunite his empire. He restablished christianity, and fought in hundreds of wars. he captured almost half of the old roman empire by the time he was 60. When he went to pray in a roman church, priests gavehim a crown and called him, “Charles, reuniter of Rome.” When he fought in wars the prisoners either accepted christianity, or died. When Charlemagne finnally died he was called the reuniter of Romean empire.
Any suggestions or advice on how I can help him to flow a little better would be really appreciated. Or will that just work itself out on its own as he gets more experience?
I would sat it is good! Here is what I always remind myself – a child who can give detailed and flowing oral narration will often shorten written narration in the beginning. Why? 1. Because they think faster than they write or 2. Because they don’t enjoy the physical process of handwriting so they shorten what they want to say to the fewest words possible.
I think it’s a fabulous narration, especially for an 11yo BOY. 🙂 it will fill out over time. Maybe ask him to orally narrate to you about one of his points he wrote about. Just say something like, “you know, I’m really interested in ________. What did you think of that?” And let him tell you all he knows. Oral narrations are important to keep up at every stage and this will help him fill in his thoughts without having to write them down.
That sounds great to me! He obviously understands the material so I would guess the flowing aspect will come with practice.
I agree with everyone else. My ds15 still gives oral narrations (almost) daily because they out thoughts that his written ones do not. The physical act of writing can be difficult, mostly for boys.
Great job!
Thanks so much to the original poster for posting this! I have been wondering about my 9yo daughter’s occasional written narrations. I had forgotten to think about that she probably is shortening the written narrations because of thinking faster than her fingers can write.
Okay, this makes me feel better! And I’m glad it could be of use to you, Karen! Writing is the one area of a CM education that I still feel so unsure of. It’s just not easy to know if your child is doing a good job or not because it’s not easy to assess. But I’m trying to be patient; I’ve seen amazing progress in other areas with Charlotte’s methods and so I’m trusting that this area will work out, too, in spite of my uncertainty as a “teacher”. 🙂
mycupoverflows, I wanted to give you an example of my 10yo’s narration from his written narration today. It is chapter 4 from Swiss Family Robinson. This is NOT to cause you to compare your child to mine or to make anyone feel inadequate. I think you’ll see that there are definitely similarities between your son and mine, and what they’re giving is very appropriate for their age and abilities right now. (This is exactly as he wrote it this morning.)
Swiss family Robinson Chapter 4
On the way home Turk (Their dog) porposly ate a mother ape. Fritz, of course, saved the Baby ape and took him home. They also took sugar canes and coconuts. When they got home they ate dinner and went to sleep until, somwhere in the night, they were attacked by jackals. Four lay dead by the dogs. Fritz and his dad shot through the heads of a few more. The rest ran away.
I think your son is doing great and is exactly where he should be!
Thank you Lindsey! Yes, that helps so much. It sounds like their abilities are VERY similar in this regard, lol!
This recent post is very helpful. The 2-3 posts before dealt with narration as well, but this give lots of practical application,
http://childlightusa.wordpress.com/2014/02/02/practical-suggestions-for-narration-by-carroll-smith/
I enjoyed reading this and he’s got some great verbs! I think one thing that might be making the “choppy” feel of it as you said is the way each sent begins:
He wanted
He restablished
he captured
When he went to pray
When he fought in wars
When Charlemagne finally died
Some attention to sentence openings might give it a different feel. IEW doors some focused work on this, I know. Some alternatives might include starting with an -ing or -ly word, or a prepositional phrase.
You could take a paragraph (his or a “neutral” one that he didn’t write because it’s really hard to take direct criticism on one’s writing sometimes!) And show the difference between how two paragraphs can sound even with the same info in them.
HOWEVER, this is some direct writing instruction and may not be the time to do that. If now is not the time, the time may yet come where more deliberate examples and instructions are needed. Sometimes we just need things pointed out to us, sometimes not.
All this to say that with 6 weeks of written narrations under his belt, he’s doing great! This was just an idea for you if you’re looking for something specific.
Sorry for any auto-correct typos. I’m on my phone waiting for my 5yo and more I need to run. Hope this made sense!
Thank you Mysterious! I was waiting until probably our third term or maybe even next year to start actively working on correcting his writing skills so I most likely won’t bring it up to him now; however, this is something I didn’t even notice and you’re right. That is what is making it choppy. And that’s exactly what I needed for someone to point out to me! I am an avid reader and so I know when something doesn’t sound right but I don’t always know WHY. This is very helpful and I will certainly file it away to use when I feel he’s ready to work on the skills part. For now, I’m trying to focus on him getting his thoughts down on paper! 🙂
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