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Thoughts on bedroom time/study area for older kids w/young sibs
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This has been eating me for a while and it just occurred to me to post here about it. I feel like my 14 dd spends too much time in her room and is too detached from the family. Maybe I’ll elaborate more on the family dynamics later if appropriate, but to start anyway, I’m trying to decide what I feel this SHOULD look like -what to aim for. So I’d just like to know how you handle this in your homes. Those of you who have several younger children, do your older kids study in their bedrooms alone? With the door closed? Are they there for most of their free time also? Are you OK with that? For how long? Do you limit it beyond requiring them to help with chores? Do you require that they interrupt their studies and come to your aid when chaos erupts with the younger crowd – I’m hoping there will come a day when that seldom happens… But that’s not where I live now! I feel like I need her help for a while to train the little ones, but to require her to do her school work where we are… Is certainly less than ideal for her! That’s one post of the deal. The other is that I just don’t feel it’s healthy for her and our family relationships for her to be so autonomous/independent.
Thoughts?
Do you have a balance of subjects that are family subjects she’s with you for?
Makayla doesn’t mind doing the majority of her studying in the main living areas around the hubbub, so that is usually where she stays. However, once school is done she often disappears into the room she shares with Emma and Mason. The door is NEVER closed but she may stay there for hours reading, crafting, or creating art. I will pull her out sometimes, but usually there is a balance.
One thing I have noticed in particular is close to or on the first few days of her period she stays in her room most of the day, including study time. She comes down to reheat the rice heating pad, but that and meals are about it. I’m okay with that. 😉
I guess to answer you, I would let her know you would like her in the main areas more often. See if that gentle nudge is all it takes. If not, then consider requiring her to spend some time out of her room each day.
And yes, I sometimes call on her for chaos control help, but I can also call on Joseph (age 10) and Emma (age 9) now too. 😉 Its helpful with the 5 little boys to have extra hands sometimes, but more often I work with the little boys to manage their chaos with directed options (let’s pull the basketball hoops out in the piano room and play, let’s build the biggest train track ever, let’s go outside and play, let’s get out a puzzle/playdoh/paint).
Hope that helps a bit!
Great question! I’ll be following. 😉 I have two kids, 11 and 9 (so no littles). We are going to be moving this year and will have a study in our new house. I am trying to decide whether to make that into a dedicated school room or just a home office. We have always done our work together just all over the house. 😉 If we did do the school room, I envision them doing reading in places like their rooms, the couch, outside, etc., and then doing any computer work (with headphones) and writing in the school room.
They both already have desks in their rooms that they have been doing independent work on, which has not been very much up until this point. I know that their independent work will just increase more and more every year from now on. By high school, they might be in their rooms all day/night! I agree with you, I don’t like being separated all day like that. But, I know that I have to have peace and quiet myself to be able to better learn.
Another thing to ponder… I love to read about organization and the best use of spaces in our homes. Every article/blog/book I read says that we should keep our bedrooms for personal time/sleep only. We have simplified our master bedroom and do not ever work in there. Never really thought about that in regards to the children, though.
Christy
Thank you ladies. Tristan, I think I need to go visit your blog again and see how you’re doing it! We haven’t done family studies for so long that it has been like pulling teeth to get it going again after giving the kids too much freedom … And no, there is not balance right now. I’m trying to figure out what that should look like right now after a LONG period of something much closer to unschooling than CM. Your blog inspires me! If you can do it with your set of challenges, there’s no excuse for me!
My first question would be does she have any electronics in her room? Cell phones, tvs, video games, computers, etc. Those kind of things are a definite draw to their bedrooms and are dangerous to allow unsupervised.
Secondly, do you have subjects and/or activities that you do together as a family every day? We had read alouds, morning walks and history that we did together as a family. We also ate breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks together. Those things alone kept the family spending plenty of quality time together. I didn’t mind if they wanted to do their independent school work in their rooms or outside but they still had to come to me to check their work and to give oral narrations.
An afternoon tea time is another great way to draw teens from their rooms. Popcorn and family games are great as well.
I actually was the first person to reply to this topic but it didn’t post for some reason. When I saw that Tristan had made many of the same points I did, I left it alone and now here’s my post days later! Lol
I’m glad your post came through, Melanie! The iPod is something I’ve been bothered about lately too. I try to monitor it, but it’s hard to do and she has slowly gotten into a habit of taking it to her room to read at night. I made the mistake of letting her get some ebooks… I try to make sure the internet is turned off, and I have no reason to believe I can’t trust her with it. But…I just don’t feel good about it.
This afternoon I hope to visit Tristan’s blog for a little encouragement and put together some ideas on scheduling and books to read aloud for the mix of kids I have now… Then I think maybe I should try to outline a loose “schedule” of when I want her to join us. Then I think if I just make myself work the plan, that’s probably all that will be needed. I am struggling with confidence right now, and I think that’s the root of the whole problem. I need to have confidence in my plan, and for some reason, I’m really lacking that this year… The last few years, if I really think about it. Time to pray now :-). And if I have time tonight, maybe I’ll post what I’ve come up with to get some feedback if you have time.
I posted this on another forum and wanted to share it with you as well Anniepeter.
Sometimes I feel exactly as it seems that you are feeling now-overwhelmed and anxious. I start to feel insecure in my ability to choose the best. I temporarily freak out and search desperately for answers only to come back to the only true answer. The Holy Spirit will lead and guide you. Pray over your schedule and ask for His guidance for your homeschool. Have confidence that He will show you what is best for your children. Just focus on 1 term at a time. Things may change by the next term. God is good and has promised to lead His children. In fact, He used this verse to speak to me during my last “freak out moment” (lol). I wrote it out and put it on my fridge and it’s still there for me to read on a regular basis.
Psalm 32:6-11
“Therefore let everyone who is faithful pray to You at a time that You may be found. When great flood waters come, they will not reach him. You are my Hiding Place: You protect me from trouble. You surround me with joyful shouts of deliverance. Selah.
I will instruct you and show you the way to go: with My eye on you, I will give you counsel. Do not be like a horse or mule, without understanding, that must be controlled with bit and bridle or else it will not come near you. Many pains come to the wicked, but the one who trusts in the Lord will have faithful love surrounding him. Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous ones: shout for joy, all you upright in heart.”
I also highly recommend Sonya Shafer’s free talk titled “Lessons from the valley”. She has another talk (not free) called “Looking Past the Fear” that I also found very helpful. Her teaching DVD’s (I only have the old ones) are wonderful for inspiration and for giving you confidence to teach your children. If you don’t have them, you could watch all the youtube clips that are available from SCM. They are very encouraging as well. You and your family will be in my prayers today.
I also don’t want to give the impression that my kids don’t have any electronics in their rooms. My daughter has an ipod and a kindle fire and she regularly uses both in her room. I keep the web, apps and videos blocked so she is only able to read on her kindle. She can’t buy any books without my parental password either. The ipod is a simple one and she can only listen to music on it so I’m fine with that. I have to approve her music choices before she’s aloud to buy or download anything. She’s only 12 and is my youngest and so far she prefers to hang out with me but that could change at any moment-lol.
My son is 19 now but he didn’t have anything in his room beyond a basic ipod and a basic cell phone until he was almost 18.
We try to make the bedrooms as crowded and uncomfortable as possible so that our kids only want to be in there to change clothes and to sleep. :> I’m kidding — a little bit. Some friends of ours had zone heating in their house, so they kept the bedrooms at about 50 degrees in the winter so that their kids wouldn’t want to spend too much time in there.
I realize that some kids, more than others, need a bit of alone time. I don’t mind if they go to their bedroom, but we ask that the door is open and no electronics allowed.
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