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The siren song of "screen time"….
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We have a policy of limited screen time in our home, but sometimes I feel that by putting restrictions on their time, I’m ending up making it more appealing to them. It seems to be turning into a sort of forbidden fruit, so to speak. Anyone have any advice on how to turn the tide?
I know what you mean! In our house my general rule is “no tv until after rest time.” Which means if I’m cooking dinner and need less help I’ll put a show on. We are in Florida so it rains every afternoon in the summer, so right now the goal is to play outside in the morning, tv during afternoon rain.
Sometimes it gets a little out of control. Like if I wasn’t feeling well, or was up with the kids a lot the night before, and we will get in a tv habit. When this happens I do a detox week, no tv at all. (We don’t let them play with I phones or anything like that, so it’s just tv)
They do complain, but soon figure out they have more fun things to do.
I hope that helps. My kids are young but I know how easy it is to “just put on a movie do I can get done cleaning/cooking/resting done”
I’ve heard people on two sides:
1. Set no limits at all. The idea being kids will get their fill and eventually balance out to a healthier amount of screen time.
2. Set limits. The idea being kids are just kids and need guidelines in place so they learn healthy limits.
I have 8 children. For a few of mine we could go with option 1 and they really would get their fill and balance out. They have too many other interests and media is not a huge draw to them. I also have several who are drawn to media and if there if it is on anywhere that is where their eyes, mind, and heart are drawn. It is addicting and affects their whole behavior and personality.
Our family has chosen to set limits. To be honest I would like stricter limits than we have on watching dvds/Netflix, but where we are is the balance that my husband is on board with. During school there is no tv and after 3pm it can be on for about 2 hours. For all other media (computer/video games/screens) the kids have 20-30 minutes of game time on Saturdays only. We tried different limits and had children constantly thinking, talking, and asking to play more. So we eliminated it all together. Then after a month we added it back on Saturdays only with the warning that it would disappear for a month if they went back to asking to play on other days or whining for more time. It’s worked well for us.
Our oldest just turned 13 and she is allowed to check email once a day. She writes several family members and friends around the globe.
That is how it works for us. I know each family is different.
Like Tristan, we have set limits. My kids, especially my son, will gravitate toward a screen if there is anything on it. It could easily become an addictive thing for him if we didn’t monitor it. We’ve joked that our son would watch a show of paint drying if it was on! Ha! We don’t have a hard rule of “____ minutes per week/day”. We just keep a close eye on it and say no when it’s getting close to the limit we feel comfortable with. They certainly aren’t watching something everyday! We have one family movie night per week. On Sunday afternoons, we have “YOYO” day (You’re On Your Own). For most of the afternoon, kids can choose to do what they like, provided it is a restful activity. So they are allowed to watch pre-approved shows on Netflix, play on the iPad (if not being used by a parent), spend time checking their email or on the Lego website, etc. But there might be 3-4 days in a row during the week that they haven’t been in front of a screen at all (except their kindles, which I don’t consider screen time, just reading time).
It probably does make them want to be in front of a screen more–forbidden fruit, as you mentioned–but that isn’t going to stop me from setting limits. I remind myself of the Garden of Eden and the forbidden tree. God specifically commanded Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree. He didn’t remove it from the garden so that it wasn’t right in front of them. It was always there, and God set specific boundaries and rules regarding the tree. Of course we all know that they didn’t follow the rules. I just don’t think it’s wrong to set limits or make rules about things, even if those rules make that thing even more appealing to the kids. That’s where we get to be the parent and do what we feel is best, not allow the child’s lack of self control dictate to us what, if any, the rules should be.
I have limits in mind, but I don’t necesssarily articulate them to my kids as such. If I don’t want them having screen time I will just say “not right now, we have better things to do” and that is expected to be the end of it. I don’t pick a set ammount of time because I prefer to be flexible in when I allow screen time. Some seasons or events lend themselves to media use more than others. Sometimes- like on a beautiful sunny day I would rather they get *no* screen time and just send them outside, and other times like when waiting for a sibling at speech therapy or a long car trip in traffic I am fine with them playing games (usually learning games) on the tablet if they are tired of our audiobooks. If both little kids have been sick and we have been up all night I prefer to put on movies so we all can get some rest and stay quiet. I want to use screen time as a tool to help my family, and teach my kids that it is a tool to be used appropriately, not a god to be worshiped nor something wicked we have to limit. I try to teach the same thing about sweets and candy- a nice treat or temporary diversion but not what you need to be healthy and strong.
All these things like computers, tablets, 987 TV channels streaming to every room in the house, etc are only going to increase. Our society will never again gather around the radio in the evening for an hour and that is the only media exposure a family has- although that was the reality of growing up for my parents. I feellike I need to teach skills to deal with the situation we have now, not keep looking back to how I wish it was.
With my older kids I had a constant battle over screen time. Part of the problem is that we lived with my mom who used TV as a babysitter with me growing up, and perferred to not deal with little boys mucking up her home. To keep the peace they watched a lot of TV. Then, when I had my own home, we cut off cable TV (no tablets or computers back then) for about 8 years to try to combat the beast and while that was temporary help, both of my older kids consume much more media even now than I would prefer. However, they are adults and making their own choices now.
I found hard and fast rules can be used by the child to get screen time when its not really needed or warranted. So, this time I am trying to model appropriate choices and attitudes and we will see how it turns out, but I think its going better so far.Some of this depends what is meant by “screen time”. There’s a big difference between mindless TV viewing or video games and productive activities. It isn’t so much about the activity taking place on a screen as it is training our kids to be creators rather than consumers.
I don’t have a problem with kids spending hours in front of a screen if they are engaged in creative, career-building activities.
This has been a wonderful read! Lindsey, I love your comment about God not taking the tree out of the garden, but setting rules…I’d never thought about it that way.
Curlywhirly, you touched on why I was dwelling on this problem to begin with: it was a gorgeous day outside, but the kids still wanted their screen time “when it’s not really needed or warranted.” I love the idea of using it as a tool.
Doug, I admit that when my son is on the computer writing, I’m not nearly as uptight about it. “Can I play on Microsoft Word?”–which he asks fairly often–honestly makes me smile. But it’s the computer GAMES that wear me out. (TV is almost a non-issue for this kiddo. He just has never been interested.) If I really thought he was truly going to grow up to design roller coasters, it might be different, but using his entire screen time allotment to play Roller Coaster Tycoon…..sigh.
My husband makes video/iPhone/iPad etc.. video games so my Luddite self had to come to terms with them years ago :). His suggestion is to allow more productive screen time like having kids work on Scratch http://scratch.mit.edu. They are creating and modifying games and it is a wonderful learning tool.
I found hard and fast rules can be used by the child to get screen time when its not really needed or warranted. So, this time I am trying to model appropriate choices and attitudes and we will see how it turns out, but I think its going better so far.
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