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The habit of attention
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I did not even realize I did this until I watched Sonya on the dvd. My boys say “What?” almost instantly after I have told them something. ARRGGH Of course, then I repeat. Its so automatic sometimes I repeat without them saying what. So, the last 2 weeks I have been trying not to repeat myself. Problem is they are so used to my repeating sometimes they really didn’t listen. My standing there smiling at them doesn’t always work. Any other tips for developing this habit?
My suggestion is to make sure you have their attention before giving the instruction by saying something like, “Johnny, look at me.” Then, when you are sure he is paying attention, give the instruction(s). “Please empty the dishwasher and set the table.”
Expect a response of “Yes Mom.” In the re-training stage, it might be helpful to have “Johnny” repeat the instruction back to you, “Yes Mom, I’ll unload the dishes and set the table.”
In this way, you are setting them up for success and avoiding the trap of repeating yourself which leads to the habit of inattention.
Blessings,
Christie
I agree with Christie about making sure your children are looking you in the eye when you are giving them instruction. It reminds me of a helpful bit of wisdom I heard a mature mom say once. She was talking about how we make sure our kids are looking us in the eye when we correct them, and she encouraged us to make sure we do the same thing when we praise them so they don’t equate eye contact with criticism or something required of them. I love the mental image of “Katie, look at me. You did a great job with that!”
Hopefully, we will be able to phase out the “look at me” part as they develop that habit, but I wanted to pass along this bit of wisdom that makes all kinds of sense as we seek to keep discipline well-rounded and balanced. Does this apply when you are doing read-alouds? I am having a hard time getting the kids to pay attention when we are doing read alouds.
Malissa 🙂
Sonya, that’s a terrific point on having the children ‘s full attention when receiving praise, too.
Another tip… When I’m using the computer, I know it helps when I close my laptop or turn my back to the screen to speak with the kids & give them my full attention.
Great posts! Especially missceegee about giving the children OUR full attention when on the computer.
I know that’s something I need to work on!I wanted to add something I learned from RDI (Relationship Development Intervention for Autism).
Sometimes, using another “route” of communication instead of just verbal is very helpful, too, for both autistic and neurotypical children.
This works especially well with my asperger’s child. We have all learned Sign language from watching Signing Time. Although my son is very verbal, sometimes I will make eye contact with him, then use a sign to get his attention, such as making the sign for “shirt” when I want him to change his clothes, or “set table” when it’s time for him to do that. Using another sensory modality seems to command his attention, whereas if I just repeated it verbally, it is like he is “deaf” to what I’m saying.
This has worked really well with my 3 yo who is not autistic. He has learned alot of the signs. I’ve learned that one has to really focus and pay attention when there is no spoken language.
Another thing I’ve tried for my children who can read is to write down what I want him to do then hand him the paper. No words said at all. Obviously this is not convenient all the time, but I’ve found that using different modalities of communication really helps focus attention.
Or sometimes, I try to whisper what I want them to do. Think about it….when you suddenly hear someone whisper to you, doesn’t it make you want to pay attention? It does to me, especially because it’s novel, and it makes it seem like a game.
Nanci
Good ideas Thank you! I have been retraining myself to stop what I am doing and give them my full attention. I have found that at times if they approach me while I am on the computer I have to shrink the screen or my reader son will be reading the computer while I am talking to him.
On Malissa’s question I have heard it was ok to have a small child playing with a car or coloring quietly while doing read alouds. I allow this in my 3 year old particularly if it is a chapter book I am reading aloud to the olders. Normally if its a picture book his attention is completly on the book. Is this discouraging the habit of attention in him?
Malissa, does it matter the content or length of the book or is it all books?
It seems to be pretty much anything I read to them. No matter what it is. I just can’t seem to get them to pay attention. This year we will be doing a lot of our school with read-alouds and this is one issue I need some help with. Any help I can get would be so greatly appreciated. 🙂 Thank you everyone. 🙂
God Bless!
Malissa
Sometimes when we are sitting on the couch and I am ready to read and they are fidgetting I just sit there with the book in my lap doing nothing. They start to wonder why and when they chill out a bit I tell them I will start reading when they are ready to be attentive or we will be sitting here a lot longer than we need to. Or I ask them to show me what it looks like to listen with their eyes, ears, and heart and I am able to read b/c they have become attentive while demonstrating it. Having the littlest one on my lap works often. If they are simply too crazy to sit, we do something to get the crazies out like “show me how high you can stretch, spin two times, do a jumping jack, curl up in a ball, now wiggle!” Then it is back to the couch. Keeping things short is important as well.
One of the things I have discovered that helps with a child that’s not sitting still or paying attention during read alouds is bubble wrap. Seriously, I’m not kidding. I have a ton of bubble wrap left over from a recent move, and I can give my daughter a small piece to “pop” while we’re reading. She sits there, listens, and pops her bubble wrap. It gives her something to do with her hands, and seems to open her mind up to absorbing what we’re reading.
Anyway, kind of random, but I thought I’d share for those of you who also have a “wiggler.”
Nanci,
Good stuff!! I’m going to start signing and using the dry erase with my five in the morning.
I sometimes say “If you can hear me put tour hands on your head, on your nose” until they are all looking at me.
Malissa,
With my 5, 2-12 I let them draw, play with peg boards, shapes…quiet toys. Some of the children really need this. I give the little boys their own rug to sit on. This has always helped my 12 yr.old listen.
Merri-Ann
I know that’s something I need to work on!
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