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Teens and what is "expected" with dating
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More of a vent than advice needed… 🙂
My niece is 13, and over the weekend, her mom was telling us about this “cute guy” said niece was chatting with on Skype (or whatever it is). She was actually so excited to start the dating years with her oldest. My FIL looked at me and said, “Not too many years before you get to start!” I just smiled, probably blushed, and said, “Oh, no, not for many, many years yet.” No one really said anything to that, and since I didn’t want to start anything, I just kind of continued on my way, thinking in my head, “What is WRONG with you people??? You WANT our daughters to have their hearts broken numerous times before finally finding The Right One???” UGH!!! My dh and I aren’t eye to eye on the topic yet, but he is getting there. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want them starting at 13, at least. If they must be allowed to date, 16 is my absolute minimum, but courting is what I dream of for my children.
Anyway, with all the times my SIL got her heart broken, you’d think she’d be the last person to want her daughter to date at 13. Sheesh, my not-so-good-Christian-example parents wouldn’t let me start till I was nearly 16 (and by then they had lost control over me, so they had no choice anymore
). My in-laws are missionaries! Oy…. My heart was literally broken so many times, I don’t wish what I went through on anyone!I am so sad for my nieces and nephews for the heartbreaks they will get – and hopefully not lose their faith on their way like I did for a time because of my dating follies.
I agree Sarah, Have your hubby watch SM Davis video on dating. He will change his heart. http://www.solvefamilyproblems.com I wish I would have seen it when my daughter was young I wouldn’t have had so many problems. They have great courship and betrothal videos. The one I beleive was the one for me was probably “Victory over the dating Spirit” I also liked the one, ” 7 Biblical truths violated by Christian Dating.” It was a real eyeopener. You may want to pass that one on to your Sister. 🙂 I did mine. :O
I have a neice who just turned 13 and she been doing the boy-girl thing since she was 11. She texts boys constantly and has a new one every month or so. Her parents don’t see anything wrong with it. I worry not just for the silly flirtations that will break her heart, but how they errode her purity. She told me she has friends who already “do stuff” with boys. It is heartbreaking to see it.
I didn’t date until I was 18, and the one I started dating is my husband now. I prayed for the right one the first time and I’m praying that for my kids too. Although with the way it’s going, my husband won’t let the girls date until they are 40 I think. 🙂 Actually, I am thankful that my husband and I are on the same page about this. My husband always tells people “What can you do “dating” that you can’t do as friends?” The “aha!” moment is when they realize the only things you can do as boy/girlfriend and not as friends are things you shouldn’t be doing anyways!
Hopefully with prayer your husband will come to realize the wisdom of waiting before you have to deal with it.
Tara
I too did not date until I was 18 and I had no desire to do so, I also had male friends but they were not dates, just friends, I found safety with my male friends, they treated me like a sister and protected me from other boys which was great for me. I am glad my daughters who are now young adults have never been on a date or had a desire to do so, it is not something they have shown interest in and we have over the years had lots of discussion. I never forbid it, I just told them the whys and wherefores of waiting and being patient for mr right – I did not forbid it, because sometimes forbidden fruit is a temptation, I just always kept the communication open and gave them guidance. It is a minefield out there today and I think for many parents it is easier to just throw in the towel and let things happen rather than parent their children. I hope your hubby gets on board with at least discouraging such behavior, our daughter’s and sons are too important for anything else.
I very much agree on “just being friends”. I have boys but feel we should teach our boys the same as our girls. I also haven’t said no you can’t go out with someone because it hasn’t come up. They know how I think the dating game is just a big set up for heartbreak. My 17 year old son is in college now and talking to a girl. I have mentioned to him that he could have her over if he wanted. I wanted to open that door for him so if he thought about going out with her. I also told him it is best to not be alone with a girl and just being friends is the right way to be and let him know that was the way it was with my dh and myself. He did show me a picture of his girl friend. I believe too much emphasis is put on dating. I have well meaning family who think I should let him date. So far he hasn’t asked but I am preparing, mostly praying and just not making a big deal about it and casually ask about her. I agree with protecting our girls’ innonence but am seeing there is a lot of pressure put on the boys by these girls who aren’t being protected. Obviously we have relatives who aren’t the type of girl we wouldn’t want alone with our boys if she wasn’t kin to him. I think this is a good topic and like to see that others believe in old fashioned values. I am just trying to get my boys through college without them getting sidetracked by girls so when they do graduate they can afford to support their beautiful wife and children. That is what I am trying to get a cross to my boys.
So happy to see moms of teen boys also preparing them to be just friends and not pressure girls into things they are not ready for….it does work two ways – if a girl or boy is pressured it is so wrong and we all need to do our best in that department. I feel so sorry for the youth today, so many are misled and leading shallow and risky lives, it is so worth teaching the values to our children and teens and then we have to trust that God will continue to guide them. We have sadly experienced and seen what can happen to children and teens who are not taught right from wrong, there are some nasty misguided boys out there and some girls who should have been taught better….I too am glad this is being addressed, it is never too young or too old to start teaching good behavior and that boys should be gentlemen and girls young ladies and not young trollops. Tina, your boys have been lucky to have you….thanks on behalf of my daughters who think there are no nice young men around….just boys who are after one thing, and they want know part of it….Linda
). My in-laws are missionaries! Oy…. My heart was literally broken so many times, I don’t wish what I went through on anyone!
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