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Teaching older kids about sex
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I see a could of older threads about younger kids… What about the oldest ones? What do you like to use, if anything, to teach or prompt these conversations with the oldest ones? (SCM team, if you feel this needs to be deleted, I’ll understand ;-). I’m thinking of the last several steps… Like 15-20 yr olds. And those of you with grown and married children… Do you have any insights on timing and how your kids felt about your choices in this?
I’m looking at this series as a possibility: http://educateempowerkids.org/
However, in many ways what I envision is that we’ll discuss the ‘why’ behind the physical aspects of married relationships (from holding hands, hugs, and snuggling to the more intimate opportunities). The why includes what physical intimacy does for a couple’s relationship as well as how God uses it for providing his children with bodies. And we’ll talk about the ‘hows’ to some degree as well.
One thing I wish had happened for me was that my parents would have had these kind of talks to help me look forward to physical intimacy. For me it was really weird to have years of “no sex until you’re married” talks and then one day I get married and I’m supposed to just turn off all that I’ve heard for years and embrace intimacy overnight. It was just a weird adjustment for me! I want my children to understand and look forward to the time when we DO get to enjoy those urges and desires – married life. I want to model a happy, healthy relationship with my husband (just enough mushy/touchy to gross them out a bit and leave no doubt that we love one another in public AND behind closed doors.
I have done what Tristan says she wishes her parents had done with her. I teach my children that sex is a blessing and a gift from God to married couples. I given them more indepth talks about sex as they get older. They kind of let me know when they are ready to hear more. I didn’t use a specific book but I do try to keep the conversation open.
For Catholics, Theology of the Body is a must! My 13YO did the middle school edition last summer, and his confirmation class will be doing the high school edition in a few years.
http://ascensionpress.com/t/category/study-programs/teen-chastity
Theology of the Body for Teens: High School Edition answers such questions as:
- Why did God give us our sexual desires?
- What is the difference between love and lust?
- What does our sexuality teach us about God?
- What if I’ve already “messed up”?
- What is the “language of the body” and how do I “speak” it?
- How can I discover my vocation?
- How far is “too far”?
- How can I remain pure in an oversexed culture?
- Does waiting for sex make marriages stronger?
- Is there any hope for overcoming lust and pornography?
- …and many more.
jawgee – curious did you just go through the student books or did you do the teacher and dvd’s also?
It was taught as a class at our church, and they used the teacher’s book, student book, and the DVDs. In my opinion, the DVD are a crucial part of the program.
We have been using the Gods Design For Sex series and have really liked it!
It’s a Christian perspective that goes into the beauty that God designed when He created intimacy, not just the actual act but everything that intimacy encompasses. It’s brought out some great conversation with our children that has been healthy and encouraging, never awkward. We desire to have an ongoing dialogue with our children in so many areas and this one is no exception.
Thanks again ladies!
So, Melanie, can i ask…have your older kids shared whether they feel/felt adequately prepared? That has been my intent too. But my oldest ones kind of clammed up somewhere along the way and no longer asked when they wondered… I missed some windows of opportunity as the younger kids came along and I became consumed with their care, etc. And now the older ones are saying that they felt ,and still feel, very ill prepared. I will be trying to open the conversations again, but it will be much more difficult now than getting it right the first time. I hope I can still redeem the time with my third. Anyway… Pondering where to go from here… Again.
I’ll be looking into these suggestions. I think I could use a guide to at least give me a jumping off point, thoughts to get started…
AnniePeter-Hi again! 🙂 What do you mean adequately prepared? Prepared for marriage? To face the oversexed world around them?
Good question…I guess I’m thinking marriage. I don’t really know what all the kids are feeling yet. And it was my oldest son that said it. I’ll be trying to keep/get the conversation going as opportunity presents, and hopefully find out if indeed the girls feel the same as he thinks they do, and why, what we need to know yet…
I guess I felt like they probably knew enough for now and either they’d ask or we’d bring things up (probably both) as relationships come along and there is a need and desire to know more… But it seems he feels like we dropped the ball at some point. (There are no opp.sex relationships at this point.)
Anyway, I guess I was just curious how it’s playing out in other families at this stage 😉
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