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Tardy Obedience
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My dd5 and I are having a difficult time breaking her bad habit of tardy obedience. I will first give some examples of her behavior, and maybe some of you can give me some real, natural consequences.
Example: After breakfast, I have to remind her that it’s time to make her bed/pick up her room. She will go into her room, maybe pick up a few things, and then start playing. I will walk by her door and say, “Addie, what were you told to do?” To which she will respond, “Oh yeah! Yes ma’am!” Then she will start picking up her room. Almost always, I will walk by again and she will need yet another reminder.
Another example: We got home late from the grandparents’ house. I told both kids I would gladly read them a book before bed (even though it was well after bedtime), but they had to brush their teeth and put pj’s on first. I walked by the bathroom, poked my head in, and dd was pulling up her shorts even though her jammies were sitting on the table in the bathroom. I asked her what she was doing, and she said she was going to find her pj’s. I pointed at the table, and she turned around, “Oh!” and began putting them on. It took her way too long to get them on.
One more example: When asking her to do pretty much anything, she doesn’t get started on the task right away. She’s my child who stops to smell the roses. And the daisies. And the petunias. She gets side-tracked and quickly forgets where she’s going or what task she is to be completing more often than not.
These scenarios, and more, are everyday occurrences, and they are frustrating me to no end. I have reminded her to pay attention to what she’s doing. One of our family rules is “Slow obedience is no obedience”, but I can’t figure out how to place a consequence on her for these specific situations.
Any ideas or encouragement are appreciated.
I always tell my pokey 5 yr old that we are starting school in 5 mins so she needs to be done brushing her teeth/cleaning up or we’ll start w/o her. She hates to miss singing hymns, the first part of our school day. Also if they are pokey getting ready for bed, then no time for a story. When going somewhere, if they take to long to pack their things they want to bring, I say I’m leaving now–last one out close the door. lol They hurry quickly not wanting to be left last or behind! I want them to learn others are waiting on them or if they want to do fun things they have to get done promptly or there is no time for the fun things.
HTH!
Tara
Hey, this is my dd! LOL She just turned 6 this summer, and she is just so off in her own little world. It is frustrating, but I have found that if I stand there and watch her so I can gently remind her immediately, she pays attention a lot more often. If I leave the room though, she is gone mentally from the task at hand. I do hope and pray this will get better as she gets older, but I have a feeling it’s partially personality. I think I need to teach her that there are times that she can be off in her own world, and there are times when she needs to put effort into paying attention. This for some reason is reminding me of a story/book. Anyone know which one? I might have to read it to her!
I hope that helps a bit.
I think that Tara and Sara have some great Ideas. Making a game or friendly competition out of the task at hand may be a way to keep her attention. Though it does take more of your time, standing in the room and watching her expectantly may be enough of a reminder that she has a job to do.
If she continues to dawdle, perhaps the following might work for you. For the after breakfast scenario: In a pleasant yet sorrowful tone, and of course in you own words, “Addie those are not the directions given. Next time there is time to play in your room you will not . You will do the task that I give you instead.” Then Follow through. Let her know that it is play time but she is going to help with the dishes or pick up the toys that she ran out of time to pick up earlier. Of course, this time you will probably have to stand solemnly and watch her but she will be doing it knowing that this is a consequence to her earlier lack of focus.
The next scenario, bedtime: Set a timer. Whoever has all tasks complete by the time the timer beeps will get to listen to the story. It may have to be read in a different room if the children share a bedroom. This is a hard lesson to have to learn, but not easily forgotten. Even though not easily forgotten, this lesson may have to be repeated every so often.
Lastly, you may have to make a path of petunias and daisies that lead right to where she needs to go.
Example: buy some fun shaped soaps that she may use only to wash her hands before meals. “Addie please go pick your shaped soap and wash for lunch.” rotate the soaps every few days or add fun plastic trinkets to the clear liquid soap so that she will rush to discover which shape she will get.
or
Tell her that once she traces or writes a letter or word correctly she may use her finger or an unsharpened pencil to do the same in a plate or tray of sand, flour, sugar, shaving cream, or cornstarch. use various mediums to keep her attention. If she dawdles she misses out.
Hope fully this will spark your creative juices. Training a child who was born smelling flowers or chasing rabbits takes patience and constant brainstorming of ways to keep him/her focused and attentive.
I don’t have much to add but would reiterate what some of the others have said and share what we do at our house. My 5yo tends to get distracted a lot as well – but to me it seems that not staying focused, being distracted, and dawdling is more of the issue than “slow obedience” (we use the same phrase you do in our house as well) – the only reason I make that distinction is that it is a different attitude going on than when I ask him (or one of my others) to do something and they drop their shoulders, pout, drag their feet, or give a look of defiance – it seems focus is more of the issue and not blatant disobedience – so I deal with it differently. We use a timer A LOT around here – it is a great motivator for my kids (even the little ones who have absolutely no concept of time). I will give him a reasonable time limit to do it on his own – if it is done he can participate in what is going on next – that way if he dawdles, he is missing out on whatever everyone else is doing (a natural consequence). I do try to make it sound more exciting and say “let’s see how fast you can do this.” We also try to make sure that something fun is happening right after any type of chore. We realized that when we had “clean up the toys” time right before bed, that was a bad idea – they could put off going to bed by taking forever to clean up – not a good motivator. We changed that time to right after dinner and as soon as that is done we have “family fun time” (this is what my 5yo calls it). I saw that just by changing our routine around a bit, things got done quicker and more cheerfully. Maybe that gives you a new idea or two…I will agree though, it is very frustrating!
Well, of course bedtime rolled around tonight, and we had a situation, as usual. I think you ladies might be proud of me though.
I told the kids to brush their teeth. What they didn’t know what that I had a special surprise planned for all of us if they brushed their teeth as soon as I told them to, without playing, without fighting, etc. It didn’t happen. About 15 seconds after telling them to brush, I heard my dd playing with the water faucet by turning it off and on and making my ds laugh. Then my ds came out of the bathroom, laughing, and I asked, “Why aren’t you brushing your teeth like I asked you to?” They both responded, “We will!” I let them finish brushing, and when they came out of the bathroom, I looked at them both sadly and said, “It’s too bad you didn’t brush your teeth as soon as I asked you to. You chose to play around instead, and I didn’t ask you to play around and THEN brush your teeth. I told you to brush your teeth. I had a special surprise planned for all of us before bed, but you didn’t obey the first time. I’m sorry you won’t be able to have that surprise. You’ll have to go straight to bed.”
They were both sad; but I am proud of myself for handling it this way. I thought it was a good, natural consequence like you all suggested. How’d I do???
Sounds like you did great! I’d be interested to hear how well they do tonight knowing there could be as surprise in store. 🙂
Last night was better! There was no surprise in store, but they didn’t know that. We asked them to brush their teeth, and they scampered off to the bathroom to do it. Somehow (we weren’t watching very closely), they ended up in a bedroom, but dd quickly told her brother, “We have to obey!” They went back to the bathroom, without being told, and finished their teeth brushing. Nothing more was said, except my dh and I both praised dd for remembering to obey and reminding her brother as well.
I think we might be getting somewhere…Sigh.
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