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Talking to kids about ps vs. hs
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How do you talk to your kids about your choice to homeschool them? My son is 4 and says every once in a while, “When I go to school…” It’s usually just a general statement. Yesterday though I told him he was fortunate enough to be homeschooled, trying to put a positive sound to it. He said, “But I want to go to a real school.” I was a bit stumped at how to proceed. I will say that his main reason for wanting to go to a real school is seeing the playgrounds outside of them. It doesn’t register that you never see kids actually playing on them. Haha. But really this instance has me wondering how to talk to him about our decision to homeschool and how to avoid him feeling like he’s missing out on something by not attending public school. Ideas?
TIA!
Dana
My son did the same thing at that age. He wanted a backpack and to climb on the big yellow bus off to have fun all day with 30 other friends. 🙂 if only, huh?
I didn’t make a big deal out of it bu told him that Mommy and Daddy felt that homeschooling was the best choice for us. He was still a little sad and I admit I questioned myself over my little super extrovert who loves people.
As he has aged he has seen the benefits. He is now almost 8 and I had to have a discussion with him about bragging about homeschooling to his ps friends. When we zip past a school with a quiet playground and all the kids tucked away dutifully working on worksheets on our way to the park for a nature study day or when the neighbor kids get on the bus while he is eating cereal in his pjs and reading and arrive home 3 hours after we are done and be has been playing outside for most of that he started realizing some definite benefits!
I have also had conversations pointing out what ps would be like. No getting up from your seat without asking. No drink or snack breaks whenever we feel like it. Recess is not that long! You don’t get Fridays off for nature study.
Since my son likes to read his literature during breakfast, do math problems standing up, and play Legos or knit while I read aloud he now knows school is NOT like that and he is not interested. He also has a ps friend his age who can barely read which horrifies him.
At 4 your son may not grasp it yet but time will help.
Tara
I explain from this perspective, really. It’s G-d’s Authority transmitted to us as parents to raise them up according to The L-rd’s Ways and not the world’s ways.
1) that, as Believers in the G-d of the Bible, we believe it is the parent’s responsibility to educate those given to us by G-d, i.e. the children. Deuteronomy 6 makes it clear that we are to teach about G-d’s Commandments from morning until night and when we walk along the road-all day!
The gov’t school system’s (and that’s how we explain it to them-it’s not public, it’s gov’t) purpose is to raise good gov’t citizens, it is “Ceasar” developing those who are loyal to the State-with the way the gov’t (or those associated with it and the world’s philosophies sanctioned by it) wants them to think-it’s “commandments” so to speak. Our children do not belong to “Caeser”, but to G-d; so it contradicts everything to send them off to a system whose purpose and environment, amorallity and teachings, the curriculum and secularism (worldly value system), is completely antithetical to what we’re trying to accomplish with our children.
Then after that, there’s the academic failure of the entire system.
I’ve talked to mine about how the “school system” is less real than at home and why-though that concept is more abstract then the other’s previously mentioned and I wouldn’t recommend that conversation now. Just that G-d designed the family to be real school and the root of learning. Is it possible that he’s been told the “real school” line by someone? You could tell him that someone else decided that little children should go to another building to learn from those other than his parents, but that that is a new thing in the world and not more or less “real” than learning from home or museums, etc-it’s just a DIFFERENT way. Don’t try to make him think you’re better or more real, he may try to pick an argument of which he can’t even understand all the intricate parts, but just explain that one isn’t more real than the other-they are just different choices, and this is why we made ours…etc. You don’t have to try to make him agreeable to you or worry about his feelings; his atention span isn’t that long to make a huge deal out of it-just keep it simple. Like I said, analyze your own reasons, know your purpose and communicate your passion about the subject and he’ll pick up on that. G-d gave him a mommy and daddy as his teachers, not strangers.
I think it’s probably time for you to think hard about why you HS so you can communicate it to him. If you know why, deep in your heart and can transmit that passion to him, because he’s a child and trusts you, I doubt you’ll have much of what you’re worried about him feeling. But if you waver and sound unsure about your convictions or can’t communicate them clearly, then he’ll pick up on that unsurety. I’ve never had my children act regretful or question our decision. I know you know why in your heart, you just have to put it into words,now.
If you can explain it to him, you can explain to adults who may be more hostile or open for themselves, so it’s a good idea to know why you do what you do. So be thankful for this opportunity he’s giving you to formulate your thoughts and reasons about this topic.
HTH
This came up a few times when my DD was 4 as well. Society programs kids to look forward to school! I just kept emphasizing the positives and how blessed we are to be able to do our school at home together. I just make a comment now and then when I think of it. For example:
We sit eating breakfast in our jammies and watch the school busses go by, appreciating that we didn’t have to rush to get ready.
We go to those school playgrounds and see the kids come out and then get called back 10 minutes later, while we get to play for 3 hours. I remind the kids that everyone else has to go back to their desks and be in school for a few more hours.
Whenever we skip a day of formal learning and go on a field trip or just take a break and do some ‘life learning’, I comment that they couldn’t do that at school.
My DD has a certain amount of input into what she wants to do (ie. which order to do her lessons for the day), and I remind her that at school she would have to do math during math time, whether she liked it or not. “Isn’t it great to be able to choose?”
I try not to make PS sound like a bad thing, since my kids have friends that go there, but we just enjoy the benefits of homeschooling, and point them out regularly.
DD has now finished year 1, and is quite happy with homeschooling. It wasn’t as much of an issue as I thought it might be when she first started asking about PS.
Joanne
@Joanne: I did very similar things throughout the years that you mentioned above, very subtley and casually; and now, over the past couple of years, mine (aged 11) point these things out on their own.
I haven’t read the other posts yet. My oldest is 6 now and I’ve addressed hs the same way as I have day care questions. ‘Why can’t I play with Jane today?’ used to be… ‘Well honey, Jane’s mommy has to go to work all day, just like daddy does. So she can’t stay home and take care of Jane like I get to stay home and take care of you and brother. Jane has to go to day care while her mommy is at work.’ …now has become… ‘Remember how Jane was in day care because her mommy had to go to work? Now that she is 5 years old she has to go to school instead of day care. Her mommy can’t stay home and help her learn all kinds of new things so she has to go to the school building where someone else helps her learn new things.’
Luckily there are quite a few hs’ers in our area and a nice co-op so she is growing up knowing that a fair number of kids are able to stay home with their mommies during the day. Plus when we have regular playdates she feels bad that her school friends don’t get to play all day like she does. 😉
I love Rachels explanation! I think I will have to just steal that one. Even though my kids have outgrown that stage a bit. I am sure there are times when it creeps in their minds. I think I will sit down and explain it the way you did Rachel.
Thanks for the info! and Blessings!
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