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Stop here if you are blessed with being a Loving, Gifted Mother
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What makes you love mothering? I’m talking to those moms that rarely get upset at their children and just love mothering. Love and laugh at their kids, even annoyances (tho rare) don’t stay with you long. Moms that if 5 years before their 1st pregnancy knew what they know now would be like “of course!” to being mom. Let’s hear it ladies. I know you are out there who say, ‘Yes there are hard days but I love being mom. This is exactly what I’ve always want.”
Please shout out and say why, what is your mindset going into the day and ending the day, your favorite things and how you handle childishness. What makes you love it?
That’s me! For as long as I can remember, I wanted and looked forward to being a mom. I am not the mom that looks forward to her kids leaving. I enjoy spending time with them and relish our days together. My husband and children are my world and I’m so thankful for them. I suppose thing are easier in some ways now that they are older, but I have honestly enjoyed each season. I know I’m not answering your question, but maybe it’s just in my DNA that makes me love mothering.
I have always wanted to be a mom and have always loved it – but have struggled with the overwhelming amount of needs sometimes! I recharge with quiet, which has been a challenge before, when I had a lot of all young children. Now I have a wider range with my oldest 15 and baby #9 is 9 mos, so it is actually easier now than with my first 4-6 kids. Which is funny to say when I still have lots of littles.
For me the keys are pretty simple:
1. Start the day with some quiet. I have to get up before the kids if at all possible, or the kids have to be quiet for at least 20 minutes. I get up at 5am during the school year so it’s usually easy to do. During this 20 minutes I can pray, read something encouraging (scriptures or a devotional), and drink some water. Then I feel like I can face the day, and the kids, ready to meet their needs.
2. When I was in a season with all little kids an afternoon quiet time was essential to everyone’s sanity. From 1pm -2:30pm the house shut down, everyone got in their own quiet bed, and stayed there with books, drawing materials, or napping. Now the house is naturally more quiet at that point in the day but we do not formally send everyone to their beds for an official quiet time.
3. Ending my day happens when I have stopped to think about what needs done the next day and prepared anything that may smooth the way. Do I have school ready and looked over? Did I pack a diaper bag if we have somewhere to go? Is there something thawed to cook? I also end my day reading a book just for enjoyment.
Staying calm/cheerful at childish behavior and mishaps: This is always a work in progress. We have something we ask our children when squabbles or fighting break out that I am always asking myself. “Who is (fill in child’s name)?” The answer being, “He or she is a child of God. How does God expect me to treat His child?” “With love, patience, and kindness.” The biggest thing to get in the habit of is pausing to ask this question and decide how I am going to act, instead of reacting to whatever happened. How would I want the Savior to respond to my foolishness, sassiness, misbehavior, anger, frustration, meanness, and outright sin? That is exactly how I should be responding to the same things in my children. It’s not always easy, but with practice it does get easier. And when I mess up I apologize to the kids. Or to my husband.
Some of my favorite things:
I love snuggles. The conversations. Reading a book together. Cooking or working together. Their ideas and insights. The things they do that are funny, even when they didn’t mean for them to be. I love seeing them grow and change and mature. I love watching them learn.
I have always wanted to be a mom, but have struggled in the younger years – depression and health issues of my own, health and emotional struggles with the little ones. It hasn’t always been easy, and for some reason it took me a few years to realize that it wasn’t always going to be that way (I guess it’s hard to see out of the trenches sometimes). This week? It’s been a good week. I know it won’t always been this smooth, calm and collected, but I am enjoying it as we are in the moment. I am making a point to connect with each child on a regular basis – a touch here, a hug there, looking into their eyes and asking how they slept, how piano lessons went, how was their day, etc. I had put up such a front for so many years, and I am saddened to the point of tears to think of all I missed while in my own dark pit, but each day is a new day, right? I am waking up still unrested (which will likely never change due to underlying health issues), but am actually able to get going and face the day with a smile rather than gruff and grumpy (maybe recent diet changes are to thank?). I am doing my best to say “yes,” rather than the quick “no” I used to give with most any request. I was tired. I was exhausted. I still am, but am learning to push through. I am smiling more, laughing more, and in general enjoying life as it is.
Not quite what you were asking, but I wanted to share that even if you’re not at that point at this moment in time, if life is a struggle, there’s hope for tomorrow 🙂
Tristan that was quite insightful. I love when my kids are funny too, but somehow they don’t usually seem to be. Probably my sense of humor!
Renee that’s awesome that you are pushing through and smiling more. I noticed (in general) I smile more than I have in 10+ years. I’m not sure why. Yes, my first few years as mother was also filled with darkness and self-centered mindsets. I think I still have quite a bit of selfishness. Yes, I have always tried to kiss, hug, talk to my kids individually – really know them. Definitely something my own upbringing lacked.
I’d love to hear from more moms. I know there has to be quite a few!
Rose,
I always knew I wanted to be a mom and a wife. Unfortunately, my upbringing didn’t really give me ANY tools to attain such a thing. Consequently, I had a very rough life in the dating world and messed up big time in sooo many ways. I would need a novel written on the ways my life was embedded with sin and selfishness.
So, after marrying late at 37 years old. We started trying right away. I lost my first at 16 weeks. It took us 8 months, with some counseling, to start trying again. We got pregnant the very month we felt whole enough again to try. I had my first at 39, my second at 41 and my third at 43. I had no problems getting pregnant, which was such a huge blessing at my age. However, having one after another, being incredibly sick, and never sleeping took its toll. I am a woman who needs her sleep. I have always been an 8 hour a night sleeper. So, it was a huge challenge for me to have composure during the day with virtually no sleep at night.
I spend years of my life in therapy, reading books, listening to amazing sermons, prayer and more prayer; learning about God, myself, others and just becoming more whole. I had done this for many years after my first husband and I divorced; so prior to my second marriage 8 years later. ALL of this prepared me for being a wife, friend, sibling, daughter, mother. I really was a lost soul and God found me and picked me up!
BUT I still struggle often with the way I was raised. It seems to be my ‘default’ when I am tired or near my period; to just yell, be irritable, or be angry with my kids. I was raised by my father and he was a very demonstrative man with the ‘kids should be seen not heard attitude’. He was also a functioning alcoholic. So, lots of chaos in my house and lots of unsafe feelings as a child. I really can’t stand myself when I am like this, but it does happen from time to time and makes me feel like a terrible mother. Sometimes I really question God’s decision to bless me so amazingly!!! I really do!
Coming from where I do; I feel sooooo amazingly blessed to be married and have kids. Statistically, I probably shouldn’t have either. BUT GOD!
I think we all desire to be moms, and good ones. I specifically desire to raise my kids much differently than I was. That is not always easy. Habits and upbringing run deep! How we are raised plays such a part.
I also don’t know why I constantly have to be reminded that time with God DAILY is so vital to my existence and ability to be a good mom/person/friend/wife. AND sleep. Sometimes I let life get in the way and I let things slide. And boy, do things slide off the rails eventually EVERY TIME! Ugh, it is so frustrating.
Your post is so timely, because I just had one of the top 5 worst weeks of my mothering experience. I just got in the ‘funk’ of ‘joining’ them. Where you react to everything they are doing, instead of being the parent. You actually even blame them sometimes. It really is ridiculous, but you are so tired, not taking care of yourself spiritually, and/or physically…that you just fall apart. I call it the ‘wheels are falling off’ syndrome. Nothing you do is right and things just keep getting worse. AND the worst thing of it all…it is ALWAYS YOU! When you realize it is how the parent is acting that determines the whole ‘mood’ of the house….it is just , well it hurts.
Then you go back to square one. You sleep. You get with God every day. You eat right. You surrender your life and your kids to the Lord. I don’t know WHY this is so hard to maintain or remember. But, I get lazy, confident, and think I ‘have it all figured out’. Until my kids grow, change or the same thing doesn’t work today as did yesterday.
Anyway, this is a really long post. I almost didn’t write, but felt God nudging me to write. I don’t come from a family EVEN close to the one I am trying to create. Sometimes it seems bigger than me. BUT, I know with Jesus Christ as my Savior…I can be the mom he wants me to be. I just have to say sorry, pick myself up, and try again!
I just hope it doesn’t ruin my kids in the process! I love them sooooooo much! As I think all us mothers do!
Thanks for posting and being vulnerable!
Blessings,
Renee
I was not one who always dreamed of being a mother and wife. I wanted to be a lawyer and move to New York City. 😀
However, once I became pregnant with my first child, my whole world changed. I loved being a mother from the beginning and so desperately wanted to raise my children well. I didn’t grow up with the best example so I struggled quite a bit for the first few years.
I began homeschooling when my son was 7 and I had my second child around the same time. I began going to homeschool functions and meeting these lovely, gentle, kind and caring mothers-mothers unlike anything I’d seen before! They listened to their children! They spoke kindly even when their children were misbehaving! They really paid attention to their children instead of just sending them off to play! I knew I wanted to be that kind of mother and prayed desperately for the Lord to change me. I’m so grateful that He answered those prayers! Not that I’ve arrived because I still make many mistakes over 13 years later, but He has certainly brought me a long way!
Motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me, next to salvation. The Lord has used motherhood to sanctify and grow me in ways I never would have imagined.
I’m also thankful for those wonderful moms who have been such an example to me through the years.
I can’t even begin to imagine not being a mother. I have so enjoyed these many years of homeschooling my children and raising them for the Lord.
On a different note, Charlotte Mason’s view that children are born persons is what drew me to her methods. It helped me to recognize that I should be treating my children with the same respect, care, and love that I would treat my dear brothers and sisters in Christ, because they are my dear brothers and sisters in Christ! Would I yell at a sister from church? Would I speak harshly to my good friend?
Now obviously this idea only goes so far. I also wouldn’t discipline my friend, but God has called me to discipline my children. However there is no reason why I cannot do this in love and gentleness while still being firm and consistent.
I highly recommend Homeschooling With a Meek and Quiet Spirit by Teri Maxwell. It was a life changing book for me and I still read it regularly 12 years later.
I love mothering because children are so precious! They bring joy and laughter and innocence and wonder to life! I love seeing life through their eyes. I loved having tea parties and building tents with my daughter and climbing into my son’s tree house to do school. Children are so easily pleased and find joy in the smallest of things. We would do well to pay attention to their example.
I so miss my kids being little and hope to work with young children in some capacity when I am done homeschooling.
Melanie that’s so endearing. Thank you for the book resource. That sounds exactly like what I need. I appreciate your response.
Renee (gouldfamily5) I know the Lord lead you to reply for me. I nearly cried. That is me. I grew up with a family that didn’t realize they needed to instruct me in any way. Even at marriage and pregnancy my mother gave me little advice. Just pat sayings “Days will be hard” or “You’ll make it”. I had a lot of criticism and yelling in my childhood and brought that to my motherhood. Praise God I have stopped yelling. But the first few years was like a monster. I love my kids, and dream of being the mom that Melanie said she had encountered and perhaps has become. But I stumble and fall. That’s why I made this thread to hear how to be that way … not to talk about faults but successes, so there’s something to imitate. Thank you for being candid! I really appreciate knowing that it’s not just me falling over and over again. Sometimes being at a church that is so loving and strong makes me feel like a fish out of water. I know the Lord knows but it’s still good to share with others making their way. One of our pastors said that my husband and I are building a dam to hold back all that came before us in hopes that our children will be stronger than we. That encourages me. But building that dam without instructions is quite a job.
Rose,
Don’t know why, but I felt your post needed me to share.:-) God is good!
I forgot to mention, I think because I had a very rough week and was wondering where my ‘loving self’ had gone when I read your post, that I have had soooo many wonderful moms (and friends) that have shown me such a different way of life along the way. God really does bring us a family in Christ, when our earthly ones can’t be the family we need.
Like Melanie32, I am surrounded by amazing, wonderful moms and dads…and I feel like God put them there to ‘walk’ with me and mentor me. I really have come a long way and I feel, like you stated, that my husband and I are changing a very vicious cycle that runs in both of our families.
My brother said it well, I think. If we show our kids Jesus and live even a little bit better than our parents (hopefully much more) and our kids go and do just a little bit better than us, and their kids even better etc… We will have paved the way for a new cycle, a new generation, more God centered whole people. We love the Lord, we do the best we can to show him to our children in our actions, words, and faith….and it will propagate to our children’s children’s children. 🙂 I like to think of this, because with my family tree…this is no easy task. This is a huge cycle break. It makes me feel that my ‘baby steps’ towards a loving, Godly family IS making a difference and IS different than what I had. Even though some of those patterns rear their ugly head sometimes.
I believe the loving mom you reference in your first post is in all of us; some more naturally than others and some just have to work harder to get there.
I pray we do!:-) And thanks to all those wonderful moms out there that wear Christ on their person in amazing ways. They may not even realize that some mom next to them has had a less than perfect way paved for them and they are a light.
Blessings
Renee
Wow Renee, that was poetic. 🙂 Thank you for posting. I’d love to keep in touch further but I don’t see a way to “buddy” someone on here. Hope to see you around.
I have four little kids so there are days I struggle, but over the last 8 years as I have had a baby every two years apart, God has brought me to the place of knowing He has entrusted me with his precious gifts. They are eternal and like baby birds, they are depending on me to give them food. To meet their physical needs, but also spiritual. As I focus on eternity I am more aware that my kids will live for eternity and how I show them who Christ is by my life will effect them. I am so far from perfect and they see my sin and flaws, but then they also see my need for Jesus. It’s hard, but as God prunes me I love the job of mothering that He gave me more and more!
Thank you all for posting. I find this very encouraging. I am not the only mother who strives with God’s help to be always patient calm and loving. I too have a long way to go. I really liked what one of you said about stopping to remember that my children are God’s children. I am so blessed to have them!
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