Still having struggle to "force or not to force homeschool"

Welcome to Simply Charlotte Mason Discussion Forum CM Educating Still having struggle to "force or not to force homeschool"

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • MariePowell
    Participant

         I posted this dilemma about 2 weeks ago, and would like to thank those who responded.  I guess I’m back again, still hoping someone can ease my anxious thoughts about making the right/wrong decision here.  My son (14) and daughter (12) both have mild autism.  They have some moderate learning and mild social disabilities.  When I opened the forum, I read the most recent post and can relate…I was there only a few short weeks ago making plans for 9th grade and beyond.  I had carefully researched so many things for my kids, and was anticipating a wonderful 3rd year with them using SCM and your suggestions for their special needs… Then, my son (and now daughter) have decided they want to “go back to school.”  As one person said, these AS kids often lack the judgement to know what is best for them.  But, in all fairness, I am lacking too!  Out of  respect of their wishes,  I have reached out to the local public and our small private Christian school they previously attended to see what would work best of the two.  We left the public in 1st grade becauses his IEP was not being upheld.  We had to leave the private because of bullying and because he was drowning in the fast work pace.  Both places seem very willing to accomodate any needs we may have, but at the same time cannot guarantee the outcomes. The private school is now so understaffed that they are having to “combine teach” several grades together (ex. 6-8th are all together in one room- I guess this worked at home; but we only combined two kids not 20+!!) I have tried to gently remind (my son especially) them of their woes there, but he seems more determined than ever to overcome his difficulties. The bullying is still likely to come, but both kids are taking a class at oue local autism center on social skills that should help them cope a little better. He also wants to play on a “real team” (basketball).  My daugter wants to please everyone; she would stay home if we really pushed her to.  I only fear that ds will be resentful if we don’t allow him to try again.  Aspergers and hormones are not easy at times.  He can be quite argumentative and difficult to teach.  I am ashamed to say this, but it’s true- we have to be so firm sometimes it can make for a miserable day.  I wonder if someone else is the ‘mean teacher,” we could have happier quality time (even if it’s the day’s leftovers).  The wimpy side of me is starting to listen to my insecurities (” just let someone else teach him/them, he won’t back talk them like he does you etc”.)  This is so disheartening; I simply don’t know what to do.  My husband is convinced that he can handle the attitude ( and he does, but with a very loud voice at times; ok, he has to yell, there I said it!) This isn’t good either; I know in my heart the strife gets to all of us, but it’s not like this all the time.  We have many wonderful, peaceful days that make up for the ugly ones.  I pray and pray and pray, but the answer just isn’t coming.  I don’t want to mess this up. We are still the parents, and can force this in spite of them.  I just want them to be excited again, to look forward to free afternoons, permission to stay up later if we are loving a good family book, no backpaks loaded down with more work than they can handle, etc. etc.  Pulling my hair out, help!

    momto2blessings
    Participant

    I know how tough this is. As I believe I shared earlier, my nearly 14yo just announced that she may want to go to school. We feel that we need to let her make this decision. We wouldn’t do that if she were 10, but at this age I don’t want her to resent us and be unmotivated at home. But she doesn’t have the extra challenges of your kids. So of course that’s only something you and your hubby before the Lord can decide!

    Though I still think homeschooling is the best option for us, I’ve come to a point of feeling that there could be pluses for my dd at school and it would take pressure off of me. But what we did was present options to add to our homeschool next year to see if that fills her (mainly social) need. It seems like that’s what she wants to do now, which I’m thankful for….but it is a bit scary giving them the choice! Do you have any homeschool coops to help with this? Ours has a high school academy that meets once a week and the kids keep in contact throughout the week (I hear). They do proms, graduation, etc. Or could they maybe just take electives at a school as a compromise for a year? Maybe that will help them see it may not be as rosy as it sounds now.

    I don’t know the right answer for your family, but pray for wisdom and peace for you. Blessings, Gina

    MariePowell
    Participant

      Thank you Momto2Blssings.  You are right, this is scary! My husband and I are actually going today to meet with sped. teachers and the school superintendant to see if it is legal  to allow homeschool kids to take electives.  I don’t think they have ever been asked this question before.  The also have a FFA chapter that meets after school; I know they could join that. We do belong to a hs coop, but it doesn’t have many their ages (mostly little ones). I did find a lady who will be teaching the Apologia Biology I had planned to use.  This would also give him a couple hours a week to study with others besides mom and sister.  I just can’t figure why these potential supplements don’t seem “good enough” to him.  I do feel better hearing that you said it’s ok to let him make this decision at this age.  I didn’t think that homeschool kids would ever want to reconsider; maybe it’s the whole “grass is greener” syndrome.  I just pray he and dd will choose our pasture; it’s not perfect, but I fear the others just won’t be able to take the time they need to grasp things. 

    momto2blessings
    Participant

    Yes, I think it’s easy for kids to have a grass is greener mentality. And adults, too, actually:) Each family is different. My hubby has (Christian) friends who praise their kids public school experience, so he is more open than I am. He thinks it can strengthen their faith, as long as they’re not followers and have the right mindset going in. Homeschooling has been so much a part of me that it feels awful to potentially stop. I do think it best for most kids, but I only have so much control. And I much prefer Christian school. Does yours offer electives to homeschoolers? I’m a little hesitant letting the govt. into our lives with schooling, but would prefer pt to ft:)

    I just got an email from a friend today. Both kids wanted to go to school at some point. They sat down and talked about the pros and cons as a family but ultimately the parents had the final say. It’s just so individual depending on each parent, kid, coop and school options available, etc. Much prayer needed!! I’m no help, but I do sincerely empathize:) Blessings, Gina

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    We too have struggled with this very issue. My oldest went to public school until grade 6 when we decided to homeschool all of our children. We had a lot of resentment to deal with and even after acceptance came, there were times when he would beg to go back to public school. However, because we firmly believe that the influences there went against our Christian faith and because of a firm conviction that this was what God wanted us to do, we held firm. It was very hard at times and often my husband had to reconvince me of the benefits to homeschooling! I do want to assure you though that there is light at the end of the tunnel! My son is now 18 and recently told us that he is so glad we stuck with it and continued the homeschooling journey. My daughters, too, who struggled at times with wanting to go back to public school are both now very glad that we homeschool ( both are in high school) I would encourage you to search your heart for the reasons you homeschool and if you feel that it is from God, trust that He will provide the way through it. Let His hand be responsible for the outcomes and you follow His lead. There were many times I just had to lean on God and trust that He would provide the strength to make it through another day . Just as a note- 3 of my children have special needs- including one with mild autism and it has been a blessing to have them home- even despite the hard times.

    MariePowell
    Participant

      Thank you Debby, just got to read this.  I think I will take your advise literally and do my homework… write a list of our reasons and present them  (with husband) to my kids.  More importantly, I need to quit worrying and “listen to His lead”; thank you and Gina for the encouragement, and reminding me of Who really knows what’s best for the kids! 

    my3boys
    Participant

    I have been wanting to share our experience with you, too, to offer encouragement but I just hadn’t had time to give you the kind of response this topic deserves.  I have been meaning to share an encouraging note my ds received from a close mentor whom he admires. It really gave him something to think about and he has since been home the past 2 years and has no plans to return to ps.  I know things can change, but this is where we are right now.  I also know that every family is different and each student has their own needs, but I praise God for how my ds is managing his life, and that includes home schooling. 

    I also realize that the Lord knows what is best and He will provide the peace that passes all understanding.  We just have to be patient and that is truly hard to do, I know that for sure!

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
  • The topic ‘Still having struggle to "force or not to force homeschool"’ is closed to new replies.