Still having struggle to "force or not to force homeschool"

     I posted this dilemma about 2 weeks ago, and would like to thank those who responded.  I guess I’m back again, still hoping someone can ease my anxious thoughts about making the right/wrong decision here.  My son (14) and daughter (12) both have mild autism.  They have some moderate learning and mild social disabilities.  When I opened the forum, I read the most recent post and can relate…I was there only a few short weeks ago making plans for 9th grade and beyond.  I had carefully researched so many things for my kids, and was anticipating a wonderful 3rd year with them using SCM and your suggestions for their special needs… Then, my son (and now daughter) have decided they want to “go back to school.”  As one person said, these AS kids often lack the judgement to know what is best for them.  But, in all fairness, I am lacking too!  Out of  respect of their wishes,  I have reached out to the local public and our small private Christian school they previously attended to see what would work best of the two.  We left the public in 1st grade becauses his IEP was not being upheld.  We had to leave the private because of bullying and because he was drowning in the fast work pace.  Both places seem very willing to accomodate any needs we may have, but at the same time cannot guarantee the outcomes. The private school is now so understaffed that they are having to “combine teach” several grades together (ex. 6-8th are all together in one room- I guess this worked at home; but we only combined two kids not 20+!!) I have tried to gently remind (my son especially) them of their woes there, but he seems more determined than ever to overcome his difficulties. The bullying is still likely to come, but both kids are taking a class at oue local autism center on social skills that should help them cope a little better. He also wants to play on a “real team” (basketball).  My daugter wants to please everyone; she would stay home if we really pushed her to.  I only fear that ds will be resentful if we don’t allow him to try again.  Aspergers and hormones are not easy at times.  He can be quite argumentative and difficult to teach.  I am ashamed to say this, but it’s true- we have to be so firm sometimes it can make for a miserable day.  I wonder if someone else is the ‘mean teacher,” we could have happier quality time (even if it’s the day’s leftovers).  The wimpy side of me is starting to listen to my insecurities (” just let someone else teach him/them, he won’t back talk them like he does you etc”.)  This is so disheartening; I simply don’t know what to do.  My husband is convinced that he can handle the attitude ( and he does, but with a very loud voice at times; ok, he has to yell, there I said it!) This isn’t good either; I know in my heart the strife gets to all of us, but it’s not like this all the time.  We have many wonderful, peaceful days that make up for the ugly ones.  I pray and pray and pray, but the answer just isn’t coming.  I don’t want to mess this up. We are still the parents, and can force this in spite of them.  I just want them to be excited again, to look forward to free afternoons, permission to stay up later if we are loving a good family book, no backpaks loaded down with more work than they can handle, etc. etc.  Pulling my hair out, help!