Started too early?

I’ll try to make this post short, though brevity is not my forte!  I have read the prior posts that seem similar and appreciate any time/advice you might have.  This past fall, DD and I started homeschool kindergarten and she attended a charter school 2 half-days per week during some of those months (there are long recesses in the school calendar; it’s a homeschool-charter program).  At first, she loved homeschool and wanted to do more everyday.  She also really enjoyed attending classes.  

As the year has progressed, I can tell that homeschool / formal lessons are grating on her and she is not enjoying it anymore.  She is a perfectionist and we were successfully working through a lot of those issues, but lately I see she has a fear of trying things because of perfectionism.  I think I’ve pressured her too much and it’s not helping.  We got on a “course” with some workbooks and curricula and I think I’ve been more concerned about that and the calendar vs. how it’s going for her personally.  It took awhile for me to assess what was happening in her spirit and attitude.  Her classes have recessed until the coming fall and she’s missing her classmates; she is extroverted and I am introverted, so her need for constant communication is wearing on me and vice versa for her wtih my need for quiet times.    (She does have a younger sister, so she’s not alone in play.)

I’ve been obsessing because I really want the best for my children and have worked so hard to make this a great introduction to homeschool for her this year.  And I feel like I’ve totally failed in that at this point.  I read a TON on homeschooling before starting and researched all of our options–I’m embarassed to say at a neurotic level.  I even read a lot of CM stuff (the classic recommended books, this site, AO) 1-2 years ago, but somehow am only now “registering” that maybe we should have waited another year to start!  It seemed at the time that DD was ready for more formal academics and a challenge.  I think my approach is “ecclectic”, so I didn’t really follow CM and instead got caught up this past year in trying to satisfy our charter school’s (the State’s) requirements for work samples…  

I see that she’s progressed a lot (she’s reading, adding/subtracting, counting to 100, writing 1-2 sentences–not posting any of this to brag, just to say that she has learned a lot, considering in the fall she was just learning phonics and not fluent in writing lower-case letters, etc.)  The problem isn’t so much a lack of learning…it’s that I see that something has changed in her.  She does not seem “free” or joyful, like there is a spark for learning–at least with formal stuff.  As soon as she’s free to play or do her own thing, she’s happy again.  Mixed in there with wanting her to freely “feast” on all sorts of good learning, I am trying to work on the idea with her that she doesn’t get to be in charge of what we do for the day, etc.  She has pulled a bad attitude (pouting, grumping, provoking others) many days over the last 2 months when she doesn’t get to be in control.  So I’m searching for a balance in not pushing, yet training that she has to obey Mom and Dad.  I see that there are cracks in our relationship and I can’t stand that.  

Longest post ever?  I’m sorry!  If you are still reading, I’ve pored over this site and AO again–the info on the Early Years, booklists, excerpts from CM’s writings…I’ve read a book by the Moores lately.  I’m really obsessing and have this sinking feeling that we probably just started too soon and should have waited a year+.  I’m hoping I haven’t caused any permanent/long-term damage because of it (not trying to be dramatic–just genuinely don’t want to screw up my kids!)  I guess more specifically, we have this month before the year is up, and then the summer.  I’d planned on schooling loosely year-round through the summer (like 2 days/week) so we wouldn’t lose all that’s been gained…But wondering if I should ease up and reconsider.  She’ll be 6 in the fall…Would we do Year 0 or Year 1 (sorry–mixing AO in here?)…  I don’t know if I should just kind of “repeat” kindergarten in some way next year or run ahead with what a typical 1st grade course would look like?  For any homeschool veterans, what do you do when you’ve screwed up and started too early/pushed too hard?  

OK…this wasn’t short at all. Thank you in advance for your grace and patience.  I appreciate your time and hope to glean from any experience you might have.