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Son hates learning
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Hello all! I am the mother of three (daughter 10, son 8, and son 6) in the middle of our 1st year of homeschooling. All three kids say they never want to go back to public school and “like” homeschooling. I have been researching CM because I want to make some changes for next year and think CM fits my and my husband’s style (my husband does the HSing 3 days out of the week while I work).
That being said, my middle son is really pushing back. This has been an ongoing problem since about a month or so after we started HSing. He doesn’t want to do ANY work. He will not do much of anything independently. He constantly complains about the work being “stupid” and not teaching him anything. He says he knows everything we are trying to teach him, but if we quiz him on what he was supposed to learn, he can’t tell us much of anything. Everything takes too long (even reading a short story from his Pathways reader has him whining and throwing a fit). And he HATES HATES HATES writing. I don’t mean he hates writing assignments, he hates anything that makes him pick up a pencil. Fill in the blank vocabulary (one word to write down from a work list) drives him crazy.
When he was in public school, he got straight As and never had any behavior issues. It is only with us at home that he refuses to work and is constantly getting in trouble for bad decisions and attitude. We are at a loss. I don’t want to put him back in public school, but everything we have tried has been a bust (incentives like small items from a treasure box if he does his work in a timely and neat manner, taking away electronics, time outs, etc.). He says he doesn’t want to go back to public school, but at least he was learning there and behaving for part of the day.
I want to believe that CM would help him (with the shorted lessons and more oral work), but I am afraid to get my hopes up and be disappointed. Any advice for a couple of parents who are at the end of their rope?
Hang in there. February is burn out month.
I could be wrong, but my guess is that some of this is him still adjusting to homeschool, but my suspicion is that he is struggling with his work, so he is lashing out. When my oldest was a preschooler I thought he was gifted. By 4th grade he was cheating on his math because it was difficult. He is an adult now, and very smart, but didn’t always do well with schoolwork.
Back to your son. At home you are paying closer attention to his work and skills, so it is possible that at his young age he got As but at home he is having issues. Also, some kids do well with school early on, but have issues as the work gets harder. Just know that there are many possibilities for curriculum and your son can thrive at home.
CM is a good method and worth pursuing.
It’s not uncommon for kids not recognize the teaching authority that you (especially) and your husband have; he’s used to the parent this, teachers are that” separation in his mind. So, reinforcing (especially your husband needs to come on strong here) the G-D given authority that ya’ll have is vital. Communicate with him clearly that by refusing to do his work, he is disobeying G-D, too. You are his parents and teachers, it’s one and the same, and ya’ll are taking the authority over his education now, you yourselves being obedient to G-D, too. Ya’ll are responsible for your part, he’s responsible for his part.
As for the writing, he has to do copywork for 10 min, set a timer for him to hear when it goes off (not to see); if he does well, his next subject doesn’t include writing. Then, math (requires writing)-set timer for 10 min. If he does well, same as above. Keep alternating like this, include outdoor time daily.
Tell him in advance that if he refuses to do it (just sits there while the timer ticks) then tell him he will not have his free time, tv time, whatever privileges, until it is done. So, when he doesn’t do it, remove his work and give him his next subject, eventually getting back to the writing subjects.
He’s used to a lot of writing at the p/s; tell him you and his father expect him to do his best writing for only two subjects: copywork and math. Next year, ya’ll will expect more, as he will be older, but for this year, only these two are being required by you, his parents. Again, emphasizing who makes these decisions. Ya’ll do, period.
At his age, his only writing can only be copywork/penmanship and math. Everything else is oral narration and hands-on experience.
The most important thing is obedience and the recognition of ya’ll’s position; a position ya’ll didn’t have before. It’s natural that the boy would be the one challenging. That’s why your husband needs to be the heavy here, laying down the expectations and responsibilities and letting him know you – mommy – are in charge. This is vital to get laid down early because you will need it to have peace in the home and for him to have any type of educational experience and develop his character.
If you don’t get over this writing thing, it won’t get better (speaking from personal experience).
It shouldn’t take long, as long as you are consistent.
After he gets used to doing good work for those set minutes, increase it by no more than 5 minutes, if necessary,but do it without his knowing. Then, you can tell him how much time he has leftover to use for his own personal use. For ex: if he is down to writing well in 5 min, he has 5 min or 10 min to kill, as long as there was no arguing or complaining. The math, you may need to increase to 10 more minutes (total 20), if he needs it, but se the same method as above.
Hope this gives you some insight and help; this isn’t abnormal and A’s in public school doesn’t mean he’s actually learned as much as you think he may have.
Thank you so much. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you all taking the time and energy to give me guidance and encouragement. I think both he AND I need to get out of the public school mentality. I will definitely use these ideas and suggestions in our homeschool. I would actually love to start using the CM methods now rather than wait until the fall, but my husband teaches 3 days out of 5 while I work part time (he is a pastor and can be more flexible with his work schedule). I am not sure he would be on board with switching curriculum this far into the first year. Plus the expense might deter him. I will try to use what I can with his current curriculum and switch over completely to CM in the fall. Again, thank you! I am very grateful for your insights!
You don’t have to change curriculum, necessarily. You can use a timer with anything and you can turn written work into oral work. I’ve had to that many times in the past for financial reasons when mine were little, and I still do, actually, even though they’re older.
You could go through each subject together and decide how to use CM methods with a “non-CM” curriculum. Also, you can set aside a curriculum to use for later or resell it if it isn’t useful to your ends. At this juncture of transition, less is more.
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