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Somewhere I Went Wrong… "Bored" 6-Year-Old and Skeptic Relatives
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Somewhere I went wrong. I have wanted to homeschool for a very long time. I have a strong heart, passion, and vision for it. I have spent SO much time researching, planning, and preparing. My kids are 1.5, 3.75, and 5.75. Young, I know but hear me out. I have tried so hard to start gently. I know about CMs methods (delay formal school until 6, nature study, etc.) Despite the fact that I thought I had planned some really fun things for my oldest this year, he has been going around saying that he thinks “school is boring”. My mother-in-law (homeschool skeptic) made sure I was aware of that. Truthfully, I am TIRED of people asking my son about “school”. I wanted the transition to be seamless. Yes, things pick up academically around age 6 but my GOAL was that my children shouldn’t realize they were “doing school”. They should know that they are learning, that learning is a natural part of life, and that learning is fun. Life and learning are not two separate things.
At this point, I don’t know what to do with my son. If it isn’t his idea or something he is interested in already, he doesn’t want to do it. Handwriting is his least favorite subject. He has no desire or interest in writing letters. I understand about fine motor skills but what am I supposed to DO with him, as far as “school” goes (I hate that word!). I mean compulsory school-age is 6-years-old so we’re talking about legal requirements here :). Should I put the handwriting workbook away? I have already dropped our History and Science as that was first grade stuff anyway and he found it “boring” (it was Beautiful Feet’s Early American History Primary and SCM’s Outdoor Secrets w/the Companion which I personally do not find “boring” but I understand). He and his brothers will NOT listen to any read-alouds. They just ignore me, continue playing, are too loud to read over (can barely hear myself!), etc. The only time they will listen to read-alouds is right before bed but DH does that and it is only for about 10mins. I would absolutely love to read to my kids but I guess that is not in the cards with 3 rowdy boys (including a cranky toddler at times!).
I guess what I need to know is what should “school” look like for him right now? I desperately need a checklist that shows me what we should accomplish in a day or week so… that I can feel like we’re accomplishing something! Any help?!!! More importantly, how do I teach my children (and homeschool skeptic relatives) that we DO NOT “DO SCHOOL”, WE LEARN?!! 🙂 Cannot wait to hear back from some of you!!
Honestly, I say put it all away. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear, but you’re technically “off the hook” for both your legal requirements and for CM “requirements”. It sounds as though you need to get serious with habit training first and “do school” later. (Sorry for all the quotations…I seem to be “in the mood”. Lol)
If you absolutely feel like you cannot stop and only work on habits, kids being read to, and nature study, then please put the handwriting workbooks away. 😉 Let your ds draw with his index finger in a pan of cornmeal or flour, or build letters with play doh and trace them with his finger. Look into SCM’s Delightful Reading. Play with math manipulative a such as buttons, blocks, or whatever you have multiples of that can be used for counting and basic adding and subtracting.
If I was a betting woman, I’d bet that you’re going to get a lot of responses similar to mine. Not that I’m an expert, but so many of us had the vision, ambition, and motivation, but simply started before our children were ready because we thought we had to “prove” ourselves to grandma, friends, our husband, and even ourselves. One of my favorite things to remind myself of when I get discouraged is “Right vision; wrong timing”.
And as for the well-meaning grandparents, just try to divert the topic of conversation away from school as much as possible. If they insist on pressing you or your child for info, just politely inform them that you are all on a steep learning curve and that your family needs more time to adjust to your new books, schedule, habits, etc. and end the conversation.
Blessings,
Lindsey
Oh! Your response brought tears to my eyes! Because I think that it is actually what I DID want (and need) to hear! Even though I didn’t quite realize it even 20 minutes ago :). Tonight I’ve been thinking so much and I think that I was finally just barely starting to “get it”!!! Thank you so much for your wise words, I needed them. I truly don’t know what I would do without the wonderful people on this board. I will probably read your reply several more times now :).
Can’t wait to hear more thoughts!
As for Delightful Reading, any tips on knowing when to start that? I certainly don’t want to start anything too soon, ever again!!!
Lindsay had great advice.
If you really feel the need to feel like you’ve accomlisehd something, try a reverse checklist. At the end of the day, write down what you did and check it off. For example,
- Took a walk and pointed out the difference between a maple and an elm tree. (nature!)
- Threw bean bags into a bucket (PE – large motor skills!)
- Listened to a book on tape for 5 minutes (literature!)
- Encourage him to share with his brother and he did (character development!)
- Sorted socks by size and color (math!)
I only suggest this because it will help you to see what you have accomplished. Completing a worksheet may make you feel like you’ve accomplished something, but there are so many ways of learning beyond worksheets.
This is my favorite article regarding dealing with skeptics. In a word, you may not be able to “convert” them to accept homeschooling or what you feel educaton should look like. I’ve been homeschooling for nine years and the good news is that, after awhile, they will give up trying to “convert” you.
Well, as far as the skeptics, I think you may just have to get used to that. We are into our 8th year and we still meet up with skeptics…actually, I used to be one. We just smile and say, “Ya, okay.” I just ignore them unless they want real answers to real questions.
I’m thinking you may have an easier time working on habits at this time. The habit of attention, especially with your oldest, may help in the read aloud time. Also, make sure your lessons, whatever they are, are very short. I would put away whatever you are using for handwriting and use play-dough instead for forming letters and some motor skills. My youngest is 7 1/2 and he is still practicing to form his letter perfectly through copying one sentence from his book of choice that we have read that day. For some boys, it takes a long time to want to sit down, hence, the short lessons. But your ds is still so young that his “lessons” could be even shorter, or focused on character, habits, hygiene, pet care, Bible, and lots of outdoor time. My ds will sit for his readings but he is moving all the time. He never stops and always wants to see what’s going to happen when we do this to that. He likes to see things blow-up, go fast, crash and burn, you get the picture. Oh, and audio books in the car are great for wanting to get in a reading but no one will sit still. I still think the habit of attention needs to be learned, but audio books do seem to keep their attention.
I hope this is helpful. I walked away from the computer for a bit and have no idea if anyone has commented on your post.
I am going to say a great big “dido” to Lindsey’s post. Hold off and don’t rush in right when he turns 6 either. Unless you are legally required to do so, wait until he is more like, 6.5 and in the meantime your schooling should be mainly habit training, lots of nature study and cozy reading with mommy and daddy. If they currently are required to have a nap or resting period in their day, that would be a good time to add in the reading with them actually enjoying it. If they know that they are going to have to lie down and rest, cuddling and listening to a story with Mommy will sound great! But being told to stop playing and having fun so that they can listen to a story will make it seem boring in comparison. Lindsey is right on with the saying about timing. And it isn’t just timing in a broad sense like age either, it is also timing within the day as well. The right time to do something can make ALL the difference in the world as to whether or not it is enjoyable or not.
As far as the skeptics go, it will just take time for them to see the results. And you cannot really change their attitudes towards things anyway. Just be a joyful, content, and mindful Mommy who prayerfully does her best with her kids and don’t take to much of what other’s say to heart unless they REALLY know what they are talking about. If they have never homeschooled, then they don’t have a lot of experience to pull from, do they?
It sounds to me like you and your boys will do great! And you have tons of time, still!
Blessings to you!
Miranda
Ditto Lindsey. HABIT TRAINING and learning to enjoy LISTENING to books. Those two will carry you far.
Bang on for “right vision/wrong timing” — LOVE this.
Put it away, and don’t even give it a thought. He will be a different kid in 2 months. Then, he’ll be a different kids again in 4 months. I have three sons and they were all different at 5.5 versus 6 years, versus 6.5. There is no way of knowing when a kid is at exactly the right brain space to learn to read/write and this is why public schools need to do over THREE years (K to grade 2/3)…because they KNOW that some kids will learn ZERO at age 5/6…but that they will be totally keen at age 7. My DS at 5.5 was a total different kid at that age versus 5.75 versus (now) almost 6.5. My eldest was different from the third and the second at age 5, 6 and 7. Some find holding a pencil SO easy at age 6 (or like my daughter age 4) and others are struggling with it until age 7-8 (my second son). ALL normal! (and totally FINE as long as you don’t kill their love for being at home with you as it’s all happening…) Motivations change, interests change…kids even learn differently depending on the season and the weather. But your son is giving a little attitude as well, so I’d stop completely, let him get the school-is-yucky- out of his brain. Just play, build your relationship and have him begin to slowly “get” that just being with you and experiencing life with you is a learning journey – a fun one – one that’s super interesting. Before long, he’s going to be meeting playmates in the park or at Church and he’s going to notice here and there that these other kids know their letter sounds, and that they actually seem pretty good at writing or drawing. At that moment, something will click in his brain and suddenly he’s going to want to sit down with you to do a little learning (not using the word school!!)
Great advice from everyone here on the outside pressure, too. It will take time. Try, try, try not to let their opinions sit in your brain or your heart for more than a minute (good advice to myself some days 🙂 )
You’ve given great and careful thought to your plan, you are in a great place. It’s not lost by any means…it’s just all going to come together slightly later than you had envisioned. Keep up all that you are doing to get prepared, adjust as necessary based on what you are observing in your son…and enjoy your little ones. As someone above said, your eldest son is learning more about character development, leadership, diplomacy etc. being the big brother to those two little ones than anyone could ever teach in a course on personal growth. Don’t under-estimate that!
Blessings, Angie
Blessings, Angie
Blessings, Angie
Oh, I love all these replies! And a good reminder to me as well for my youngest (almost 5). I don’t think I can add much to the wonderful words already written, but I’ll just throw out a couple of things….
Let your kids “catch you” doing the things you’d like them to appreciate more — Mom or Dad reading a book by themselves just for fun, casually drawing something in your own nature notebook, getting excited about a hawk that you were excited to see unexpectedly, that type of thing — of course, always with you guys seeming very cheerful and nonchalant about it.
It sounds kind of phony when I explain it, lol, but really I’m just talking about modelling good habits, ya know? I just have noticed that while I want my kids (of all ages) to love learning (not “school”) and view it as an exciting part of lifelong growth and development…I sometimes (ok, too often) show them a different message by my own example. Purposeful living, that’s what I want for them AND for me. 🙂
I don’t have the experience of other ladies here. But one thing I’ve already found is–do lots of nature walks, outdoor play, and “strewing” (leaving out interesting games, math manipulatives, leaves and rocks, etc) and have relevant library books at the ready… and when he shows an interest in something, well there you are super-excited to see WHAT ELSE can we figure out about this cool thing?!? Maybe if we take a look in this book here…
Works with my very active 5yo boy 🙂
Lori
If you feel you really really need handwriting, try finger painting in the tub. We have the tub shower combo so we have the white walls etc. perfect canvas for finger painting and working on letters. I bet even the other two will want to get in on some of that action!!
I played a game with my kiddoes where I would soap up their backs and then make a letter on their back and they had to guess what it was…. hours of fun plus they come out squeaky clean. HTHAll of these ladies have such great advice and I totally agree on the habit training. At some point my kids were told, “there is going to be some things you don’t like or don’t want to do but you are going to have to do them anyway”. (Like copywork or listening to a book) and then I keep it really short. Like three words of copywork or two or three pages from a book. Enentually they start to enjoy it as it becomes easier for them to do it.
And as far as skeptics, I don’t think you can ever get away from all of them. Just be prepared with your responses and know that you are doing a great job with your kids!
Gods blessings to you.
Thank you so much everyone!
I have another question. If I “put it all away”, how do I know where to start him next year? Would I start him at the 1st grade level? Obviously I would not want to start him in kindergarten when he’ll be turning 7 late fall of next school year. Also, he does know most of his letter sounds, there may be just a few he doesn’t know. He can read but we haven’t been practicing as he is always so busy playing! He also tells me that, he “only likes doing math” lol. Wonder what I should do with that… I would love to switch to RightStart but then again he apparently is happy with the current program. So, maybe next year.
Also, how on earth do I begin habit training? Big question probably but I think I’ve been confused on that for awhile!
I played a game with my kiddoes where I would soap up their backs and then make a letter on their back and they had to guess what it was…. hours of fun plus they come out squeaky clean. HTH
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