Some teen advice?

Hi,

I read your post earlier and my heart went out to you–mainly because my son (my oldest) turned 15 this month. Just today a copy of the book, What Color is Your Parachute (for Teens)? came in the mail. I heard that it’s good. I hope to assign a little at a time for him to read and come tell me about it, even if it’s only a 5 min conversation. Maybe that would be something you and your son could go through together. Or maybe, since it sounds like he has friends at school, you could start a weekly book club with parents and teens to discuss it a little at a time. With snacks. Just an idea.

Do I understand correctly that you are currently living in Germany and he is attending school? Or maybe you were only in Germany for a time and now he is homeschooled?

My son likes his phone as much as the next kid (and grown-up) but the thing must go on the charger downstairs and he is in bed upstairs around 10pm on school nights.

Since you are asking for ideas and you sound rather desperate I will be very forward here. It absolutely blows my mind that children are permitted to stay up all night in front of screens. How can this be good? I don’t know your son but I do know that he has a soul and is made in the image of God. Please let him get bored. So bored that he picks up a guitar and teaches himself how to play it. Or draws a picture or reads a book or something. Screens are fun and entertaining (fine in moderation, I’d say) but can also be very mindless. And for a boy, especially, there is such easy access to pornography. 🙁

So there is my 2 cents (and I’m still new and certainly no expert at this–it’s only our 3rd year hsing). I suggest that you have him start developing a habit of turning off the screen and reading a book before a good bedtime. Habits are very CM so I’d say start there if you’re wanting to incorporate this method.

You feel like you let him down/didn’t do enough? Join the club! Repent! Ask for his forgiveness and trust Jesus. He promises that He will be with us.

Maybe a change of scenery would also be helpful?

Today I took the kids to the zoo. It was a rare 60 degree day. It felt great to get outside in the fresh air and sunshine and just enjoy looking at the animals and walking around, laughing at things, even with the 15yo who asked if he could stay home because he didn’t “like” the zoo when I told him we were going. By the time we got home he was looking up whether or not it’s legal to own a pet koala. (It is not.)

I will pray for you to be strengthened, Trailmix–really!

Love,

Melissa

You are very welcome and you are certainly in a difficult place. I pray that you will persevere. 🙂

Hopefully you will find some helpful advice and inspiration on this forum.

Just wanted to say I’m praying for you.  My oldest son is almost 14 and there is so much I’m learning about parenting a teen boy!  To address the computer issue: do you have a filtering software on your computer?  We use covenant eyes ($14 per month), & it acts as an accountability for our whole family & helps block very questionable material (you can set different family members to different maturity levels as needed).  It is so easy for boys to get caught up in so many dangerous things online; (heartbreakingly, my son has already seen things he shouldn’t have, before we got the filter).   I would really encourage you to not allow private screen time.  Also, my son is currently reading ‘Do Hard Things;  a Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations’ by Alex & Brett Harris.  Maybe something like that would help him?  Praying peace for your family!