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social support for homeschoolers
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Being new to homeschooling with dc age 5 and3, I am nervous about the social outlets for my dc. I know there are many homeschool support groups, field trip groups, organizations, etc…..I am naturally not a “group” person, I do well one on one with friendships, most of those friendships being with older women. My ds is very social and loves to be in big groups. I went to a get together recently with other Christian hs moms in my area to meet some peers and hope to get my dc to have hs friends (ds’s current friends will be going to school). It was a time of encouragement, but I have some social anxieties with conversation when I get past 2 or 3 women. My dh thinks its because I am focused when I talk to people and I don’t like to jump topics which often happens and it was my first time meeting most of the women so I was uncomfortable…. I am very friendly and social, but I’ve never done well in a “peer group only” type setting my whole life, so it freaks me out to think I may have to stretch myself socially to be in a homeschool mom peer group in order for my dc to have gorup things to do. When I was lonely as a new mother 5 years ago, I joined a local moms support group to not be lonely, but stopped after a couple of years because the moms around me formed closer friendships and I kind of got pushed out of the loop (but the friendships were more about surface things like going out for fun girl’s nights alot, taking the same gym classes and wanting to lose weight, which preschool was best, etc….). I did have a few friendships from that group I kept up, but meet with them on a planned one on one meeting at times.
In one sense, I want my dc in the social circle of homeschooling, but in another sense I want to just be home with dc and go about homeschooling with them going through life getting together with less people like a few friends from our small church, attending summer camp, take them to a few local homeschool field trips days or classes, possibly put them in a tutorial, do the church children’s program. My dh thinks that is enough for them socially along with just living life as visits with grandparents come up, taking them to occasionaly church service things I do now and then during the week, and them having each other. He doesn’t think I need to go out of my way to be in a larger support group unless I want to. But, the kids of this support group play together all the time, are forming close friendships, going to each other’s birthday parties, the moms talk on the phone or per internet often, etc…..I just don’t want my dc to miss out on that if that’s more of a “healthy childhood”, all on the account of my being more of an introvert.
Just curious if its more the homeschool norm to be around other homeschoolers all the time, or more the norm just to live life as a family and take the social things as they come up now and then.
Thanks!
We just live life together and do social things on occasion as they come up. We aren’t in any homeschool groups or anything like that.
My kids take swim lessons, suzuki violin (so a group class), have church friends, and my son has just started scouting.
Yes, they haven’t gone to very many birthday parties (mind you, having seen a bit of a party that my grandson went to, I’m almost happy about that….
I think overall the kids are happy.
We are not involved in outside things – if I want a field trip with other people, I arrange it and invite them. We do “life” and that involves flute, piano, and sign language classes (the teacher comes here) and then we have the church activities that we are involved in. When we need friend time, I create a situation for that to happen (call and invite over or to do something). I personally hate the interuptions that a social group can be in our day. lol
Most of the time, the kids are happy, secure and growing. =)
I find that my children do better in small group situations as well. That doesn’t mean that we don’t ever do the larger group activities, but it’s definitely not a regular thing. We went to the ‘not back to school’ picnic, for example. When there is a whole herd of children, though, my kids enjoy themselves, but don’t even know the names of the children they played with, and don’t really care whether they see those particular kids again. Smaller groups allow for more lasting friendships to form.
My children are still young, so we’re just figuring this out ourselves, but one thing I’ve done is use my local homeschooling yahoo group to connect with a couple of people that have kids similar in ages to mine. Then I just invited them to go to the playground or on a walk or to the zoo with us. Last week we had a family over to our house for an informal costume party. We have about 4 families that we have done something with about 5 or 6 times over the past 3 months or so. Whenever someone has an idea for something to do, they just let the others know and whoever is available comes.
This is enough to provide both myself and the children some connection with the outside world, without being overwhelming. We don’t feel like we HAVE to be at any specific event, so we don’t worry if we haven’t seen anyone for a few weeks, but we are developing some friendships for when we are feeling social.
Joanne
momof2 I think I really understand where you are coming from! My kids are both little as well, and my oldest is only 4.5. We moved overseas (military family) about 6 months ago and are having a VERY difficult time finding a place to fit. I am quite an introvert, but I would like a couple of good friends. The problem is, I have to play social butterfly to meet those good friends, and they are probably at their houses doing the things I like to do best too! I have been military all my life, so you would think I would be good at this game by now, but that’s the problem. It’s almost like a game, and I am so tired of trying to get through superficialities to see if there is any common substance. And now my oldest is really craving some friendships, even though he is an introverted type like myself and has massively different tastes than other kids we have met his age, mostly becuase he doesn’t see the same cartoons. Another complication for us, and I’m sure a lot of people with the 3-4 year olds as their eldest or onlies feel it, is that everyone does preschool or some other enrichment program nowadays. The kids are too young to truly be considered “homeschooled” in some places, but to not be in preschool already makes them (and their parents) a little odd, or at least out of the common loop.
Sorry about the whining of MY troubles, but I was actually thinking a lot about this recently. For solutions, we have just very recently found a church that might work out well, something that has been an interesting journey. I am hoping we can meet some kindred spirits there, or if nothing else, enjoy group worship.
I was also homeschooled myself in high school, many, many moons ago now, but I did learn that people can be as involved as much or little as they want to, and those needs are different for different families. Yes, you might have to endure extending yourself beyond the comfort zone for a few months to find out which things are right for you, but hopefully you will find a groove soon. That’s where I’m at right now myself. I’m currently more optimistic than I was a few months ago, so I guess I am making progress. I know the “you’ll figure it out” answer seems silly, but there is freedom in knowing you don’t have to do what everyone else does. In fact, there are probably a lot of people not doing too many outside activities, or having swarms of friends, but they are all at home so we will never know! But I’m one of them, and if I can ever find a cure for my open-mouth-insert-foot disease, I might make that close friend or two!
We are pretty much home bodies up here.
We have a co-op group that meets once a week for very informal handicrafts (five little girls if everyone comes). We do skating one morning a week (about 15 kids split into two groups) and then we also meet informally with a group for a hike every Thursday. Not a lot of talking or chatting since we are all huffing and puffing, but it’s nice to see familiar faces.
There are many days (like today) where we don’t ever leave the house. We usually have at least two days a week like that since my husband takes our only vehicle to work those days. It’s great to focus completely on school and not have the “threat” of havng to go somewhere. Most of our hs friends do the same thing. One thing we all agree on is that kids can be social with any age group; they don’t have to be friends with only kids their own age. Sometimes we head to church for a function and find no other children have come – so my kids hang out with the adults… what’s the worst that can happen? They end up acting like godly grown-ups. Bonus, right?
Anyway, it’s totally okay to be a hermit (if you want to be!). The kids will enjoy each other, and you and their relatives. There is a newish modern obsession with being busy and included and extroverted and active…. it’s okay to just have some quiet time and alone time too. But if it bothers you to be somewhat isolated, you’ll have to explore the possibilities. Maybe a library program? Sports program? Our local public radio station sponsors all sorts of free stuff for kids. I’ve struck up conversations with moms in the market when I overhear them correcting their child in a way that I admire or share. We also volunteer at our local animal shelter. Lots of fellow animal-lovers there.
btw, this is from a HUGE extrovert with girls ages 7 (chronic introvert) and 4 (life-of-the-party). HTH.
I am a new member on here and have enjoyed reading all your input on this topic. It amazed me how many of you are living your lives like I do. I am just a homebody and we stay so busy at home that we haven’t had time for a homeschool group. I had tried one when my oldest sons now 15 and 17 were about 5 and 7. It was just too much work. They do have their frends. Each son has a best friend, my middle son’s best friend is his cousin. My oldest son’s friend has been his friend since they were 4 and 5. To me that has alsways been the best way, at least one best friend. I too am not into big social events and have a hard time speaking to more than one person at a time. My sister also homeschools and that helps since my middle and youngest son are close in age to two of her children and are best friends. My youngest son is 9. I think mostly what matters is that we live our life the way we want to as a family as the good Lord intended. CMhsmomschoolof2 it sounds like you are already involved in plenty of activities for your children’s ages. Relax. It will all fall together.
I wanted to tell you in hindsight how I too was concerned about this when my boys were about your children’s age. Now looking back I am so glad we did stay home more. My oldest son had time to develop his skills in computer troubleshooting and programming. He has worked and programmed on computers since he was 10 or 11. We had him dual enrolled at the local community college when he was 16. He graduated last year and is in college full time this year. But because of all the time he spent on computers he placed out of some classes and was just hired his first semester as a IT Specialist I with great pay and benefits. It is a permanent job and he loves it as well as his classes. He got this job out of 15 applicants and only 3 had interviews. I don’t mean to tell so much but we realized this all happened because he had time at home to pursue his love. Now my other 2 sons have time to get outside and just enjoy being home. All my boys prefer being home even though their friends do come over and we do visit.
It is encouraging to hear this from you ladies. I think the issue is that I live in a very social middle class or upper middle class area where many people are about getting together, having fun, going out, etc (Dh and I neither have the budget or energy to keep up though). Dh and I changed churches from a large trendy popular one to a very small old-fashioned style one. That has made all the difference in my joy regarding real Christian fellowship. I just got caught up in thinking since the couple hs moms I know are in a Christian hs group that gets together alot for playdates and mom’s encouragement meetings, that I must do the same in order to secure friendships for my dc. Only, as I explained before, I’m not my natural self in a group setting. While I don’t think it is wrong to seek out peer groups like this, as it does encourage the moms, I am glad that this is something many of you find not a necessity for a full social life as a hs mom and for our dc. I’m really trying to go for the “take each day as it comes” mentality as my dc and I get to spend our days together in the coming years (so thankful for dh for being on board with the hs choice!) As praying about this the past 2 days, I really feel that I don’t have to force relationships/friendships into my dc’s lives, but God will put the right amount of friends in their path naturally just like He has in my life. Thank you all for sharing your experiences and those of your dc. It has been encouraging to hear from other “homebodies” like me 😉 .
P.S. I do plan to continue our library reading program (in the summer they have a school aged one and year round a pre school one), and there are lots of free homeschool activities to participate in that come up throughout the year, and even though there aren’t many kids at our small church our dc do see the same kids each week (vs. the many kids that came and go and went to various service times at our former large church).
I also prefer smaller groups over larger. I am in a larger group because they offer a lot of neat activities….but am a minimalist and don’t do a whole lot with them. And I stayed away until my kids were older where the activities were more beneficial. Not necessary, IMHO, in the younger ages especially. Our best homeschool friends are one family we actually met at a church function and found out they homeschooled. We later scheduled a playdate and really hit it off and started doing a small co-op together with each of us teaching one subject to the kids and just hanging out with the kids playing and me and the other mom chatting. I think you’re doing fine and wouldn’t worry about it:) Blessings, Gina
I think we all need some sort of support in our homeschooling endeavors, however, that may look different for different families. We are very involved in a large homeschool group, which is consisted mostly of families from our church, however, not all families come to everything.
We pulled DD out of Christian school, and the thing she misses most is being with her friends, so I try to allow her to participate in as much as possible (field trips, play dates, etc.). The moms meet monthly for encouragement – discussing a book or having a special speaker or just to share ideas. I love it! But, that is what I need, esp. as a new homeschooling mom.
We also started a mini co-op with a friend who is also using SCM. Our DC’s are all very close in age, and they LOVE playing together! This is probably DD’s favorite of all.
While I don’t think you need to be part of the big group to make friendships it would probably be a good thing to find one or two other families to do some things with to support one another.
I agree that having someone outside the family as a support is very helpful. I do have a couple of people that I can and do visit with. But that is not a huge part of our daily life – it is more as we need it kind of thing.
I listened to a cd one time. I beleive it was from “Managers of their homes” They were saying that sometimes in training your children you have to be on the watch out for others stealing your childs heart. They also talk about bad influences that can lead your child into sin. This is bad examples from other children. All in the name of “socialization” They need to learn from us not their peers. That is one of the reasons why we homeschool. If we wanted the children to learn everything from their peers then we could just send them to a public school. There they get the education on how to bully and be mouthy. I have seen that the more they watch TV and when we are out with those “social” contacts they have more behavoral problems that need to be addressed more often. Sometime for months. I preferr being a homebody. Just sayin’ 🙂
I very much agree with you chocodog. That is why I am glad each of my 3 boys have 1 best friend each. They talk on the phone each day once at a limited time. I don’t have to worry about what kind of attitudes from other children they bring home since they don’t go to public school or elsewhere hardly. I have noticed if you get a child used to visiting friends on a regular basis than they expect that all the time and don’t enjoy spending time with their family as much. My boys enjoy staying home because they are there most of the time. So it is a special treat when the friends come here or they go there maybe once a month. It is just a surprise, not a regular thing. They enjoy the activities they do at home and plan accordingly each day. Yes, I believe in selected friends while they are young, but not friends they have to depend on. They have their family for that. Also, we as homeschoolers are training our child in what kinds of friends to choose as they get older.
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