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So worried and don't know how to help my son
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I have a ds8, ds5 1/2, and dd almost 2. I taught my ds8 to read at age 4 and he was also doing some writing then. I have been working with my ds5 1/2 for awhile now, taking lots of time off when I see he is not ready. My main concern is his inability to even draw a straight line. I have been using special grippers which has helped a lot but he still isn’t getting it. He just can’t draw a straight line. He seems to have very little control and I don’t know what to do. Honestly, my dd almost 2 can do better than he can. He gets very frustrated and whiney and it has gotten to where he doesn’t even want to try. I try to make it fun, not like work.
Also, I started him out with Delightful Reading. I was excited at first because when we started out with a-t spells at and then put letters with it, he did fine. Then when we moved to e-n he would still say “at”. This went on no matter how much we practiced. It’s like he just doesn’t see the difference.
I am so concerned mostly about his writing. I know reading can take awhile as well as writing but he can’t even draw basic shapes. I feel like I’m failing him. How can I help him?
Ok, I’m going to start with – relax. He is still quite young, and just might not be ready. Everyone develops at their own speed.
There might be a learning disability (say dyslexia and dysgraphia) – but it is probably early to determine that for sure. (I’m not totally sure on that.)
Either way – you are NOT failing him.
I second suzukimom…. just relax. He’s so little right now. My dd8 was reading a bit at that age and now I can’t keep her in books, but my next daughter is going a little slower. The range of “normal” is huge, so just let it go for a while. As he starts to get more curious, then you know he’s ready. When he is ready to think hard and be serious, that’s the time. Start slow, low-key, no pressure and just let it be okay to wait for him to cue you. Keep reading to him, talking in rhymes and alliteration, pointing out letters on signs and buildings. As his curiosity heightens, his yearning for learning will increase also.
As far as the drawing, golly, my dh is an engineer and I refuse to be on his team for Pictionary – he can’t draw anything! 🙂 Seriously, everything he draws looks like a box. Or a blob. Even if the word is ‘yardstick’, he draws a blob. At first, I seriously thought he had some issues. But now we (I) just get over it. It’s not like he (my dh) isn’t a wonderful hubby and dad, and a successful professional, right? He just isn’t an artist and never was. His mom saved all his stuff from public school and his drawings are no better now than they were then. On the other hand, he made some really cool things in wood shop and with metal and ceramics. He also cannot carry a tune.
So, maybe your son’s medium of expertise is yet to be discovered. Maybe he would do better cutting out shapes than drawing them? He could paste them where he wants them and still make a picture with less emphasis on the drawing. Or you could have him trace shapes either with pencil/paper, or in the sand, with a wet finger on construction paper. I had my dd5 do some exercises with letter formation on a cookie sheet filled with flour. She loved it! Maybe your son is more tactile, too. Let him make triangles with sticks, skewers, butter knives, whatever. Maybe rolling playdo into ‘snakes’ and then connecting them into rectangles and squares would be fun. From your description, it seems like he probably knows the shapes, he just can’t make them yet.
He’s fine. You’re doing great! 🙂
All that said, I’m not a professional and have not had kiddos with issues but I tend to abhor labels and diagnoses.
I agree with suzukimom, he is still young. You are not failing him! I have taught 5 five kids, and they learned to read and write at different ages. I had two early readers (4yo), two average (1st grade), and one son who didn’t read till he was in 3rd grade,but he went right to reading 350-400 page Redwall books! When he wanted to learn to read-he did! As far as writing goes-a couple of my children had trouble with handwriting. When I was teaching them to write letters, I let them write as big as they wanted. I didn’t have them write on restricting small lines until they were ready. Each child is different! If it were me, I would wait to teach reading and writing for 6 months, then try again. Read to him everyday! Learn about nature, art, music, ect.
When you say he can’t draw a straight line are you referring to picture drawing or are you referring to learning letter formation? While I can’t say the reading issue sets off any alarms at this moment, most kids do experiment with lines and shapes as a precursor to printing letters, some kids don’t have much interest in drawing prior to actually having a pencil or crayon stuffed into their hand and someone saying copy this.
What kinds of things interest him? Does he do much coloring? Does he like to finger paint, play with play doh, use scissors, string beads? If he is a typical rambunctious boy who doesn’t like to sit and school just doesn’t interest him, he may just need some extra time focusing on those fine motor skills. Have you tried having him writing in pudding, flour, whipped cream or shaving cream? Writing with a stick in the sand can be a lot of fun, too. Markers on a white board or chalk on the driveway works, too.
Ultimately, you are the one who knows your child. If you suspect something else is going on, it is in his best interest (and yours) to find out. the important thing is not to panic. If you relax he will be less tense as well. You don’t want to give him the impression that there is something wrong with him. I have one son with dysgrahia and another with combined type ADHD, so I know where you are coming from. Think of a diagnosis as being a way to determine the best learning style for him.
alright – I am going to straddle the proverbial fence a little on this one 🙂
I think if your mommy instinct has your radar up that there may be a problem, then yes, by all means have him evaluated. Best case scenario is that you find out nothing is wrong – but at least it will set your mind at ease, and you will know that you are being proactive for him. Other best case scenario is that you are able to identify what a problem might be, and then know what better ways to help him learn, if his learning may be different.
Now, my other side of straddling….my younger two are twins, boys, and second borns, so they had a triple whammy there. They are also 5.5 and have been VERY behind in speech especially. My older son was way ahead in his language development and his reading, so it made them seem even further behind. We did get the speech evaluated (the area my radar was up on) and were reassured that there was nothing insurmountable – I was given things to do to help them. So I am actually having to teach them how to speak, something I didn’t do at all with my first. But we are really relaxed with it all. And they are improving, slowly but surely. I know it will all come together with time. They are just on a completely different time table. I am not going to stress them and myself out by forcing them to fit someone else’s development cycle. Ahhh, so thankful for homeschooling here!
As a psych major, I have read and studied a lot of “disorders” which I don’t think are disorders at all. I have also seen many good labels (which can help identify problems and ways to attack them) be abused by people assigning them where they aren’t appropriate or using them as an excuse not to deal with an issue at all. It has really gotten mucked up in many ways. There are true developmental disorders out there – what I would love to see though, is folks using the knowledge of brain development to help people. Even children who are severely impaired with learning and developmental abilities have their place in society. It may not be the head of a Fortune 500 company, but it is a place where they add to folks’ lives with what they have. I think no matter what “disorder” we are speaking of, or even no disorder at all, we have to help our children learn at whatever level they are – and then continually push them to continue learning and participating in society wherever their place may be.
[stepping off soapbox now] Your son is going to be fine, whether there are learning delays or not. He has his place! And he is very fortunate to have a mom who is alert and cheering him on. I hope you get some clarity soon. But by all means, you are NOT failing him. Sounds to me like you are his biggest advocate! 🙂
Here’s my recent experience, hopefully it will be encouraging.
My DS (now going on six) didn’t want anything to do with any type of writing instrument until well after his 5th birthday. If I encouraged him to colour or something, he’d grab the crayon with a fist, thumb side down, elbow up in the air, scribble a line or two, and then he was bored and wanted to do something else. I didn’t push it at all, just occasionally asked if he wanted to join the girls when they were colouring (they both instinctively picked up crayons correctly and have loved colouring since age 2.) He also couldn’t draw a straight line or a simple happy face, and had no interest in trying.
Then, he became obsessed with numbers and math, so he wanted to learn to print his numbers. We started with little pieces of chalks on the chalk wall. His numbers were almost unrecognizable (even simple ones like 7.) There were lines every which way. We just played with it for a while. We used chalk, and a dry erase ‘learn to print numbers’ tracing board I found at the dollar store.
Within days, everything just seemed to click. He started holding the dry erase crayons correctly, voluntarily picked up a pencil and wrote numbers, and then asked to learn the letters too. Over the next few months we slowly progressed to ‘copywork’ with just one word at a time (months of the years, days of the week, etc.) Last month he asked for copywork like his big sister. I printed off some simple passages, expecting it to take weeks to complete each one, and he finished the whole first page in a single sitting. I was stunned. This is the kid that less than a year ago I wondered if he would ever learn to use a pencil! Now he enjoys colouring intricate geometric patterns in some books we got from Dover and says “Printing is fun”, while his 7yo sister grumbles and complains about doing her copywork. Who woulda thunk it?
I was reminded of two things. First, motivation is key. When he was ready and had the desire, it was simple to learn a skill that I thought would be very difficult. Second, kids all develop at different times, but it doesn’t really matter. So what if my girls could draw at age 2 and he couldn’t until he was almost 6? They all can do what they need to do.
I agree with the others that if your ‘mommy instinct’ feels like there is something wrong, there is nothing wrong in getting it checked out. On the other hand, I’m learning not to stress about things just because my kids might not be developing at exactly the pace that I think they should.
Joanne
I’m no developmental expert and don’t know if the issue is drawing a line or that it’s not a neat line. I don’t think it would hurt to wait a bit to see if it’s a motivational issue. But if it goes on much longer and you feel concerned I would get him evaluated, if it were me. My biggest homeschool regret is not working on my son’s speech issues sooner. Dr.’s said stuttering was normal in young boys and he was mispronouncing letters that I just didn’t notice, being around him all the time. He’s improved and the issues aren’t terrible, but I think it would have been much easier and more successful if I would have addressed it earlier. But your issue could just be he needs time….I’d pray for wisdom:). Blessings, Gina
On the reading, definitely do not stress!
As someone else mentioned, trust your mom radar on the developmental aspect. I have four children who would have all failed the speech “norms” and didn’t really start talking until they were between 2 and 2-1/2. Can’t get them be quiet now. So I don’t take much stock in “norms” unless there are other issues that causing my mom radar to go off.
If I were concerned I would get him checked – just for my peace of mind – better to be told – no problem, than to wait and find there is and you could have been helping him in a more efficient way all along with a little advice from a professional – wether that’s a doctor or OT or what ever – i speak as one with a mildly autistic 11 yo – he had speech delay and had to see a speech therapist for years – he would not have had the help he needed without a diagnosis – which we had to fight for because he was mild – as much as I hated the label it was the only way the ‘system’ would give him extra help in class (he was at ps then) – now he is home schooled He is doing great and we have been released from the statement of special needs (we are in UK – it may be different over where you are) but – I knew something wasn’t right – and the help he got made him less anxious – if I had left it a nother yr or what not – he would have had to wait even longer and struggled on his own for that extra year. I know it’s different for you in that you are home schooling so you don’t need extra ‘help’ but for you if there was an issue the advice they can give you on how to help him over come those weak areas – would make life easier for you both – and that’s a good thing – At the other end of the scale – If there’s nothing wrong – no harm done – you can be at peace knowing you checked it out and actually he just needs longer before that clicks for him. Indecision is brutal – it’s exhausting with the ‘what if’s’ etc – So I would say – go get him checked better to look like an overprotective mum, than let it go and find later on you should have gone. x
I want to thank everyone for taking the time to reply. I am beginning to think I have more of a motivational issue. I am having some disciplinary problems with him as well. He is really testing me. The evening after I posted this he went to his grandparents. When he came home he had a stack of art work he had done and had even written his name on his papers. I asked if they had done it for him or even helped him and they assured me that they hadn’t. They hyped up the fact that Grandpa and his favorite uncle are both artists. He then decided he would be an artist too and that’s how it went. So I actually am thinking that he has been whining and acting as if he can’t do it, when he actually can. I am going to continue evaluating him and if I change my mind about the cause, I will have him evaluated by someone else.
In the meantime, I am thinking of purchasing Laying Down the Rails. Does anyone have any input on this book? I am thinking it may help me.
I’ll update later.
momof3,
I read the PDF of Laying Down the Rails last summer, prior to beginning first grade with my ds6. I just printed the PDF and had it bound because I found myself really needing to dive into it more and thought a hard copy would be a little easier to manage. It is an excellent book. I spent today going back through the notes I had written down originally and adding those notes to the book. I also took a look back through the archived blog posts that dealt with habits and habit training and noted steps and ideas and tips. I really appreciate the habits chart in the back of the book and I used it to make a chart that I use week-by-week to note how ds is progressing with the habit we are focused on (and also how I am progressing on my end). Right now (and actually since first grade began) we have focused on “Attention”. There is a wealth of wisdom in the book. Blessings, Zelena
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